DumpED Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 So my ex contacted me last night. I was my sons 4th birthday yesterday and she sent me a text asking how his birthday was and how my daughters first day kindergarden was. As a recap I was with her for almost four years. The relationship started out under trying times for us both, but we made it through and it seemed almost effortless. I felt we were truely meant to be with each other. But three months after I proposed she left me, and to make it worse I got the standard confused woman reasons, "I don't know who I am", "I feel like I can't be me, with you" Back to the problem at hand. After she had asked about the kids she asked if it was alright to ask how I was. I was a little hesitant to respond, but hey, what do I have to lose now right? So I just responded that I was getting by. She said the same thing. Then said she might be having medical issues. Then she asked me if we can ever be friends. I was honest and told her that she had to understand that I could never be just friends with her. She then told me that she can't accept that she feels like she makes my life harder. That she wants to call me all the time but doesn't because she doesn't want to remind me of what happened. Then she asked if she could call me. I was busy so I told her I could call her today. Now I'm almost regretting that I told her I would call. I know that she was the one who walked away, and it seems to me that she now is and has in the past just trying to "make things better" to ease her own consious. I'm not really sure how I'm going to handle it but I guess I'll just have to roll with the punches. Thanks for listening.
WhiteKnight Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Well to put your mind at ease. Okay, its good to know that the ex wants to be friends with you. That's good and all. Neutral and casual friends is quite satisfactory, as in you don't have to stay in contact with them and you can disappear at your own leisure, vice versa. About the "contacting the ex", well its hard I know. Especially with kids involved, so you are not alone. Its very good that you were being honest with your feelings and all, yet she seems honest as well. However with the part of her trying to fulfill her needs, but what about your needs mate? You seem hesitant that you don't want to be friends or stay in contact with her anymore. You gave a response that seemed to be promising that you would 'contact her' but you are unsure. This is part of your own other mind taking control of you and knows better, in a sense its giving you a hint that you should not look back at give in what 'she needs' as its all about 'her needs' and not your wants. I would advise at this point, if you very unsure that you don't wish to stay in contact with this person. Stay silent, distant and even don't talk to her often, just treat your ex like another person on the street neutrally but forget them altogether. Let it slide and let it go. If the person asks about contact, be honest and upfront about it. Usually whenever any of my ex's come and ask me for my new contact details, I just ignore their request but if they try to find out the truth... they will get it one way or another through other friends of yours and in the end, they will either find the answer they are looking for or come to an assumption that you just wanted to stay away. In either case, it hurts. Another advice, be open and listen to your ex. See what they have to say, listen and take heart where you could see things from a different point of view before making a decision that would either 'cut all ties' or 'part ways for now...' or 'yea, let's work on our friendship'. And also to give you a good advice for the near future to help ya, don't give a promise if you can not deliver or will not follow up. I had promised one of my ex's that I would give her my new mobile number, and I didn't. I just ignored any reminders or requests and about 2 weeks later she gave up after realising she had lost any means of contact when I had blocked her email accounts etc. And if any of my ex's were attached or married, I would email their partners and tell them I would wish them all the best and politely ask them to have my ex stop communicating with me anymore but that's all the past now. The decision is really up to yours mate. Overall if this ex is making you feel depressed, tell her that you would 'consider' on what she had said but do things your own way and be honest with your ex that 'maybe' you could end up being friends but just give her the hint that you want things to heal between you two by distance and through time. The more the less contact you have, the better chance of recovery you have.
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