Very distressed, keep doubting my relationships/love for girlfriend...

[the_twiddlemiester]

Hi,

 

I found your website while trying to seek help with this rather large problem I seem to be having.

 

It all started with an earlier girlfriend, the one before the one I have now. Everything was going great for 1.5 months until a thought entered my head that I didn't love her and I was kidding myself. For the rest of the relationship I was worried about this and wanted it to go away from when I woke up in the morning to when I went to bed at night. I knew I loved her, why would I have been so happy with her and couldn't be away from her for that time before I thought it? But somethin just entered my head and told me I didn't and it ruined it for me because I couldn't be happy properly.

 

Now, we did break up but not because of that, but because she couldn't handle going into a serious relationship.

 

It took me a while to move on, until I met a girl on MySpace and we got talking a lot, decided to meet up, and then the next time we met up we decided to make a go of it. As soon as we started talking I thought to myself 'my god I'd love to be with her'. And when we decided to go out I was literally jumping about wondering if finally I'd found someone I was gonna be spending the rest of my life with. For the next few days everything was so good, when she told me she loved me and wanted to be with me everytime we were away from each other I melted, and I told it her back, because I felt the same. We'd planned a week of being toegether, just me and her. I thought this is going to be so happy! But then one day...

 

Just a split second, I thought the same as I did with my girlfriend before. The annoying thing is that...it was just 3 or 4 days into the relationship...and as soon as I thought it I thought to myself 'oh no...', and as I expected I'm exactly like I was before.

 

"Do I really like her...is it in my imagination..." And the more I try to think 'of course I do' it comes back and haunts me even more.

 

She has EVERYTHING I want. Shes pretty, we have loads in common, she makes me laugh, she likes to snuggle up and watch a film together and stuff, she's good in bed (careful lol), her personality is amazing...I can't find anything wrong with the relationship...or her for that matter...SO WHY AM I THINKING THIS??? The only problem is that at the end of the month she's moving to Uni and its about an hour's train journey away but weve both said we're prepared to travel.

 

It's as if the feelings I want to and KNOW I can feel are being masked...and replaced with a blank feeling and it's so upsetting. Just look at how happy I was until I thought this...

 

If the following help you to make a decision of what I should do, please read:

 

I go through on and off depressive states, this was mainly because I couldn't get over my girlfriend before the current one even though I had this problem and I couldn't move on, and family life problems. I haven't been like that for a while now however. Because its been sorted as far as I'm aware. I believe I have an OCD because I was looking at a similar thread and this is somethin like obsessive thoughts or something? I also have to constantly re-check when I go to bed that everything is turned off (plugs, switches, etc) incase they blew up, that the taps are tightly fastened so that no water will leak from them incase they might flood...I know...its stupid...

 

I just wish it would go...I've had enough now - if I keep thinking this I'm never going to be happy. I just want my feelings back.

 

I've heard its due to a chemical imbalance...some Serotonin or something? If I go on meds will I feel better and be able to get my old feelings back?

 

I know theres a similar thread somewhere but I would really appreciate it if you could give me detailed kinda reply on this one, if it's aimed at me I'll understand it more.

 

Thanks ever so much,

 

Dave

[the_twiddlemiester]

And another thing. She can say things or I'll be talking to my friends about her, and I'll smile at it, a smile just appears on my face and I think 'well there you go...your an idiot'. I have reoccuring bouts of 'of course i love her!' and its a little better for a few hours and then...its back again.

 

The other day I collected her from the train station and we went to meet some of my mates and...well I noticed that everything wasn't as bad...I actually felt that I could live some of my feelings...which tells me that they are there...but I can't get to them...

 

It's all so weird...I don't wanna lose her I really don't. Shes amazing.

[birdie]

if I understand correctly, you are talking about short term relationships here. hope you don't think I am patronising when I tell you that 'love' develops over time and what you are feeling right now (and what you felt for your ex before) is simply infatuation.

 

hopefully you will give this girl a chance. then you will have the opportunity to see how real love develops over time when there is actually depth to it. currently it is just based on attraction and anxiety.

[the_twiddlemiester]

Yeah but I've never kinda felt like I did with my present girl...and I don't mind what it is at the moment I just want it back

 

She means everything to me?

 

Can people give me an idea of what I should do?

[the_twiddlemiester]

And why the hell it all went in a split second...I know I like her so why the hell am I being made to think I don't...my mind always has to combat the good things about it with bad ones that may not necessarily be there...

Its so annoying.

[shadowplay]

You definitely sound like you have OCD. It sounds like it's hard for you to enjoy the moment without questioning your feelings. This is something I have also struggled with. You might want to see a psychiatrist and see if they can put you on some sort of medication that will help with your obsessive thoughts. Also some kind of cognitive behavioral therapy would do wonders for you.

[the_twiddlemiester]

I was kinda hoping someone would tell me this, probably get me off my backside and go...

 

Today I've been feeling a bit better though, started tryin to tel myself to dismiss them when I get them. I just want to stop these weird thoughts that have already threatened to ruin two of my relationships...grr.

 

But I will make an appointment...just want things to go back to normal.

 

Thanks.

[coffee_addict]

lol hey twiddle

 

i think im the creator of the other thread on here that u talked about! (sorry if im not lol)

 

i also got doubts after 1.5 months, and broke it off. we're trying again and its really depressing and worrying me that these doubts of how i feel for my boyfriend have come back this time too.

 

this is my first relationship, its scaring the hell out of me and all i want to do is run away lol.

 

my boyfriend is head over heels for me and i just dont feel the same way at the moment, but im hoping i can gain stronger feelings over time.

 

i know how u feel about questioning and examining things, wanting the thoughts to go away and not being able to be happy properly.

 

please let me know if u have found a solution, have u made an appointment, or have there been any developments?

[the_twiddlemiester]

Hey (yeah don't ask about the Twiddle thing)...

 

I haven't made any appointments because I'm hellbent on 'defeating' it myself, so yeah I'm tryin to keep from that side of it all.

 

Things have been okay recently, I've started telling myself these things don't come around often at all make the most of things because you don't find someone that shares so many criteria with you everyday.

 

I think about the good points of my relationship (how nice she is, how much shes like me, how pretty she looks, likes to spend time with me and only me etc etc), and it makes me much happier. Think to myself there are so few bad points (if any) so why should I be feeling like this.

 

Sometimes I like to say her name to myself, and maybe look at a picture that I find nice, and think to myself 'I felt it then, and everythings still there now so don't worry.' I find talking to people about her helps.

 

It's just annoying that I get these thoughts after less than a week!

 

Care to explain about how you might be tryin to deal with it?

 

Hope everythings going well.

[birdie]

I was kinda hoping someone would tell me this, probably get me off my backside and go...

 

Today I've been feeling a bit better though, started tryin to tel myself to dismiss them when I get them. I just want to stop these weird thoughts that have already threatened to ruin two of my relationships...grr.

 

But I will make an appointment...just want things to go back to normal.

 

Thanks.

 

erm.. it still sounds like good old fashioned anxiety to me, once you have more relationship experience, especially serious, you'll be more relaxed. it's part of 'live and learn'.

 

I'm not sure how helpful it is to put OCD label on stuff like this. just learn to deal with stuff on your own through experience

[VIP]

May be your intuition is trying to tell you something. May be there is no chemistry or may be you are incompatible. Try to do an astrological analysis of your relationship.

[coffee_addict]

lol my name pretty much explains itself twiddle!

 

im sort of trying the 'think about other stuff and itll go away' approach right now, i realised yesterday that id been going out for 49 days, the exact amount of time we'd been going out the first time before i broke it off, but i survived it and we're still going out lol (maybe its like that ring movie....)

 

anyway yeah i guess u just get random thoughts in your head sometimes, and u just have to tell urself that they arent right, coz u have rationalised it and theres no reason for the thoughts, maybe our heads are just wired wrong lol

 

i say hang in there, and dont throw away a good thing because your head wanders off sometimes and makes up stuff lol.

 

im still trying to be properly happy though, finding it hard because im still stressing about it all and cant concentrate on going 'la la la i have a boyfriend woo '

 

i just checked my starsign against my boyfriends and it says we're a difficult match....although it also says that people with my starsign are whimsical, spontaneous, impulsive and that we like to take risks, whereas me personally would actually quite like to be behind a safely locked door watching tv. so there you go lol.

 

keep me/us updated on things, i shall do the same

 

x x x

[the_twiddlemiester]

VIP: I have no doubt in my eyes that we are compatible, I have never met someone that I have enjoyed to be with so much, and who is practically like me in every respect apart from the obvious gender difference lol.

 

Coffee: Yeah, you hang in there too. Lately things have been going good for me, not having as many thoughts. I'll be seeing her on Wednesday we're off on a night out, and I'm staying round into Thursday as well so I'll see. I'm well looking forward to it though lol. I'm so determined its unbelievable.

 

Keep me posted!