spookie Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 So it's been half a year since we broke up. It's been 4 months since I've seen him. Nothing's much changed. I'm still the same person, heart split apart, disillusioned. I have a hot screwbuddy who loves me. My best friend's back in town and I spend lots of time with him. Some days I'm angry that I gave him so much time. Angry at the way he hurt me. Some days sometimes even go by when I barely think of him. And some I miss him like crazy. Him for who he is. Nothing else matters. The feelings overpower me and there's nothing I can do. I have to stop and cry. One night I was driving when I started missing him like crazy. I let myself drive to his old apartment, singing along to the radio as my car hugged the familiar cruves of the streets. I let myself pretend that we were still togehter, that I was going over to his house, that we were soon going to make dinner and cuddle. When I got there it was four in the morning. I rolled up into a ball outside the door and fell asleep. I think my honest #1 wish right now would be to be with him for two more minutes. So I could memorize his body. Last time I saw him, I didn't know it'd be the last. It makes me sick to know that there are parts of him that I'm forgetting. The feel of his hair. His hands. The frckles in his eyes.
wwjd Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 ah, spook . . . i wish i had better advice to give you or at least the ability to be able to give your comforting words. but alas, sometimes it feels that when you are trying to advise another when you, more or less, are in the same type of situation, it truly is like the blind leading the blind. i can't assure you that it's all going to be okay; that you'll soon forget the painful memories, and that the good ones will only make you feel warmth inside and nothing more; that you'll soon find a truly good guy with whom you'll be able to be truly happy with; that you'll love again, just as much as before, if not more, and that you too will be loved with the same intensity. i can't because then i would have to believe it, too, and, truthfully, there are days when i don't. i don't because i don't know; i don't know because i haven't experienced it yet. but you know what? amidst my split personality disorder (), there is a part of me that thinks that it doesn't really matter whether we know or don't know. it doesn't really matter whether we believe it or not. all that really matters is us. you. you, you, you, you. take a moment to picture a lonely girl curled up in front of an old apartment, outside in the cold, in the middle of the night, all by herself. do you think she deserves that? i don't. i really don't. perhaps it is good that you are forgetting the freckles in his eyes; maybe it means that he is slowly fading into a memory, something to remember. you don't need to remember exactly where all of his freckles were, all you can do is remember that he had them--that they were there. likewise, you don't have to remember him now, just that he was there. remember that his absence means an opportunity to fill his place with something more fitting. something that is truly good for you and only you.
ahah2322 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 hey baby, i'm so sorry to hear about your agony. like wwjd, i wish i have some advice for you. it will take a long time to detach yourself from someone close and i hope the time will come for you soon. it will not do you good to indulge or wallow in memories of the past so please keep yourself occupied with activities and do not allow your mind and body to wander to his residence again. it is saddening to see anyone crouching outside the residense of one's ex silently weeping away. i have no knowledge of the history with your ex but i can empathise with how you're feelings because i've been through something similar. stay strong babygirl and here's a ((hug)) for you.
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