DaydreamBaby Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 My partner and I have been together for almost a decade, have children together but I feel like I am denying him something.A few years ago, we went through this phase where he wasn't around much and my family was the cause of some major turmoil. I somehow suspect he might have cheated on me, but that was never in his character. And it was never substantiated but I will always wonder. I also found out he went to a strip club with friends without my knowledge as well and he never admitted to anything beyond watching topless girls on a stage. It has truly haunted me and severely depressed me at the time all of this was found out. One day to finally quench my curiosity, I'm thinking of putting him through a lie detector test. He has joked in the past about going to a swinger's club.. although I believe he was entirely serious at the time. Later he said he was kidding. I read a study once that the majority of the time someone jokes, it's really releasing things they want to contemplate doing and just want to get a feel on how someone else feels about it. I also found a calling card and was able to call up the provider and find the numbers dialed. I called one and it led to a woman's apt somewhere across the country in a state we never venture though. He said this same card was used by a friend. I would hate to be lied to but also can't imagine him doing this with someone else. He has never been a womanizer and has always been a one-woman man and is concerned with his health etc.He had few sexual partners before me and I really want him to be happy if this is something that he wants. I feel awful sometimes just for feeling he is denied something that I am preventing him from receiving.I myself have dealt with so many emotional swings the last few years that I almost gave up. Every day is a struggle because of anxiety and other emotional issues. I myself couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I love him so much but wonder if it is more about being dependent on him sometimes.
whichwayisup Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Have you two tried going to marriage counselling and tried to fix your marriage? Get the spark back? Have a romantic getaway, just the two of you? Letting him go be with another woman just to make him happy is not a good idea. Unless you two talk about it, set up rules and boundries, have an open marriage so if you wanted to be with another man, you could. But, honestly, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't open that door...
norajane Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 With all your anxiety and emotional issues and hauntings and depression, do you really, truly believe you'd be ok knowing your husband was out screwing some other woman?
Mr. Lucky Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 With all your anxiety and emotional issues and hauntings and depression, do you really, truly believe you'd be ok knowing your husband was out screwing some other woman? I agree. Marriage is about what's good for both of you. Forget him, how does letting him sleep with someone else benefit you ? Mr. Lucky
tommyr Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 What in the heck are you talking about!?! I read nothing in your post which gives rise to your question let my partner sleep with someone else? He never brought this topic up so why would you raise it? So a few years ago he fails to ask your advance permission to visit a strip club with friends. You ask him and he admits to his sin (watching the strippers) but you suspect he actually cheated .. why do you think that? Sounds like you are living as a married couple but are not actually married. Maybe this is a source of suspicion on your part?
Reckless Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Let me get this straight you are tormented "haunted" by the fact that your partner went to a strip club but you are wondering if letting him have sexual intercourse with another woman would be a good idea? You seriously think you could live with that when you are thinking about submitting him to a lie detector test to find out about what he's been up to in the past? Listen, you have a few of options here : Do what WWIU says and try and fix your marriage/sex life.Close your eyes to what is obvouse and let things continue to deteriorate.Let him sleep with someone else be utterly out of your mind with tortuturd by regret for a few months/years and then end up divorced. Option three seems the most masochistic.
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