angie16 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 my thread is here : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t128658/ The last 24 hours have been tough. But productive. We spoke last night, he misses me but "hasnt' figured anything out yet". When ended up in the same old fight again which at minute 47 i realized oh my god, nothing has changed, even with me moved out. I went to bed angry, but happy that i now saw the writing on the wall. He DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH ME. And thats good because now i get to go on with my life. It was really tough realizing that I'm not ever moving back in to our home. And that 2 years of memories and dreams, hundreds of happy pictures and thousands of text messages and emails, add up to nothing. I wrote him this morning and asked that we be friends. I have decided to stay in the same nabe and dont' want it to be awkward. I told him i woudl always say hello to him and have a hug and a smile, and that i wanted him to always feel like he could call me if he felt really low or alone. I wrote my friend that has a room in her apt opening up in November, and took it. That was so hard. SO HARD. Its final. I will never live with my love again, but i will figure out a way to brush myself off and give myself a second chance at love and happiness. I think I'll always have a piece of my heart locked away for him, those wonderful memories of falling in love, those first warm embraces, the thought that someone somwhere was missing you when you are away and counting the minutes till you come home. I dont' want to forget as much as it hurts me now. I want to remember the optimism and pure happiness his words and prescence gave me. I could do anything if he was by my side. I was beautiful, smart, and loved. To say goodbye to something i was 100% sure was my destiny, is crushing. I want so badly just to get one more day with him. From his kiss goodbye in the morning, to our kiss goodnight in our warm bed. I am moving on. Thanks Loveshack, you've all been so wonderful and so much help. Its just day 8 but i just can't let myself wallow in this anymore. If i don't pick up and do this now, i won't be able to for months. Its all still so surreal. What happened Sean? I loved you with all I had.
LakesideDream Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Angie, I have to agree with your "memories" comment. Even six plus years after the end of a 25 year marriage, the thing that I miss most, that concerns me most was the defiling of a half lifetime of family memories. All tainted, sullied, and ruined. It is sad.
Curious139 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Angie, I have to agree with your "memories" comment. Even six plus years after the end of a 25 year marriage, the thing that I miss most, that concerns me most was the defiling of a half lifetime of family memories. All tainted, sullied, and ruined. It is sad. Yes that betrayal of memories, shared times is hard to get over and in some ways I suppose you never do. Try to think about those times in terms of the genuine happiness that existed, because it was real.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I have to completely agree as well, although the road for me was very painful. The memories are what haunts me more at times, especially in my REM cycles. I will never forget them, I seem to have a way to keep the good memories locked in an shine off the bad ones most of the time. Great post!
Ssheena Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I think the loss of his dad is a huge event for him. I can understand why this still affecting him 5 months after it, especially if they were close (as you described them best friends). He could be having a tough time with it and unable to ask for help - either from you or a doctor/psychologist. I'm betting that losing you is another huge blow to him. Are you breaking up with him/moving out just because he doesn't want to talk about getting married now? How did you get to this "he doesn't want to be with me" decision?
Author angie16 Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 I think the loss of his dad is a huge event for him. I can understand why this still affecting him 5 months after it, especially if they were close (as you described them best friends). He could be having a tough time with it and unable to ask for help - either from you or a doctor/psychologist. I'm betting that losing you is another huge blow to him. Are you breaking up with him/moving out just because he doesn't want to talk about getting married now? How did you get to this "he doesn't want to be with me" decision? The loss of his father is enormous. I understand that. I didn't break up wtih him. He broke up with ME. I moved out becasue i couldn't afford the apartment by myself. I had no other choice. I love him with all my heart, and i know he was devestated by his father's death, but he kept some huge information from me about his family and that really hurt, plus the fact that he had been talking marriage since month 2 of our realtionship, but didnt' want to make it public and my last straw was that when i asked him, pleaded with him for my own sanity... if he could see us getting married within the next 5 YEARS... (thats all i wanted to hear, that it was going to happen, at some point, eventually, i thought i deserved that), all he could say was I DONT KNOW. 5 YEARS. we were already 2 YEARS in. So he was asking me to wait 7 YEARS for a MAYBE? I was crushed. He took me to look at rings 2 YEARS AGO. He stopped talking about our future 6 months BEFORE his father died. He had totally frozen up about it and it HURT. Here was a man that had named our future children and talked about us growing old together. Now he wouldn't even plan a vacation 9 months out. He told me our realtionship wasn't WORTH TRYING anymore. And when i asked him specifically if this was a BREAK (which is the only thing i EVER suggested) or a BREAK UP, he said it was a break UP. Thats all i have to go on, and i am devestated.
Ssheena Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Ok, I got it now. Bummer. I understand where you are coming from now. I think you are doing what is best for you right now and in the long run and I know it is hard. I know you are hurting. I think that there is a kind of person who pushes for a commitment and love way too soon - I can't remember what exactly I've seen it labeled as but I know it's something that I watch for now. It's not going to be easy for you for awhile but you have definately done what is best for you and your sanity and that is a good thing (even though it hurts like heck). So sorry.
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