shadowplay Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 This could apply to somebody you just started seeing or have seen for a long time. I thought it would be nice to have a thread with observations about what generally keeps guys interested. I will offer some of mine and you can share yours. Of course it varies somewhat on a case by case basis, so I'll include things I think work pretty universally. 1) Have a life. Make time for him, but make it clear you have a life outside of him and other friends/commitments. 2) Be spontaneous. Always find little ways of surprising him or revealing some different aspect of yourself (as long as it's positive). 3) Even when you've been dating for awhile, let him be the one to make contact 80% of the time. Most of the time don't be the first one to im, call or text him. And don't respond to all of his emails unless he asks you a question that needs an answer. 4) Be affectionate physically but reserve verbal affection for rare moments. For example, don't tell him you love him or miss him too much. Find creative, less direct ways of implying that you love and miss him. He will appreciate your signs of affection more if they are relatively rare. 5) Show him you respect yourself by taking extreme care of your appearance and body. Always look your best around him and attend to little details like polishing your nails, etc. Work out, wear stylish clothes, etc. Most guys love women who pamper themselves. 6) Wear him out sexually. Get really into sex and almost never turn him down. 7) Don't see him all the time. Have days when you can't meet. This will keep things fresh. 8) Express strong opinions about things you care about...as long as your opinions aren't always negative. Intelligent men respect assertive women. 9) Be both a man and a woman. One thing I"ve noticed is guys go crazy for girls who are guyish in some respects such as their interests, but extremely feminine in others (sweet, warm, etc). 10) Always show your intelligence. Dumb chicks get boring fast. 11) Be reserved most of the time and wild at others, especially in private. 12) Wear clothing that is subtly sexual, leaving stuff to the imagination. Reserve super sexy outfits for special occasions. 13) Perhaps the biggest thing is don't reveal too much of yourself too early on. Be a mystery for awhile and feed him little "nuggets" over time.
Author shadowplay Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 few more... After the first few date always go dutch or he will start to resent you. Don't challenge his opinions very often. It's okay to state your opinion if it's contrary to his, but do it in a gentle way that lets him know you still respect what he thinks.
Krytellan Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 In my honest opinion, no offense shadow, throw all that stuff out with the garbage. How to keep a guy interested: 1) Be yourself. If the relationship is going to have any chance of survival, this is all you'll need.
Author shadowplay Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 In my honest opinion, no offense shadow, throw all that stuff out with the garbage. How to keep a guy interested: 1) Be yourself. If the relationship has any chance of survival, this is all you'll need. Well, I basically agree but I think a relationship takes some effort to work. If you were completely yourself in all respects from the very beginning, that could backfire. For example, being yourself might entail padding around in sweats around him a lot of the time like you do when you're alone in your house instead of putting extra care into your appearance. Or talking about very personal things you shouldn't get into too early on in a relationship. Or turning him down on sex fairly often because you don't feel like it. I think to keep a spark going you need to hold some aspects of yourself back...you need a boundary...or you start to lose your mystery and things get too familiar.
Lizzie60 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 BUT... it has to come naturally... For example 3) Even when you've been dating for awhile, let him be the one to make contact 80% of the time. Most of the time don't be the first one to im, call or text him. And don't respond to all of his emails unless he asks you a question that needs an answer. If you're sooo tempted to call him, text him, etc... and it makes you miserable because he doesn't call when YOU EXPECT him to call...it's not good. I agree with everything... but I find that so many women don't/can't do it... because they are just emotionally dependent... bottom line...easier said than done..
Krytellan Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 For example, being yourself might entail padding around in sweats around him a lot of the time like you do when you're alone in your house instead of putting extra care into your appearance. Do you dress like this at work? Is dressing like a homebody really a true personality characteristic? Clothes are accessories, not who we are. Or turning him down on sex fairly often because you don't feel like it. I beg to differ. If my last two relationships had shown this true side of themselves earlier, I could have saved 5 years of my life from wasted time. I am more resentful when someone piles it on for 4 months only to find it was a big lie and not representative of their true baseline behavior. I think to keep a spark going you need to hold some aspects of yourself back...you need a boundary...or you start to lose your mystery and things get too familiar. This is a choice you make. Tell me how bitter you'd be when someone broke up with you because they didn't like the person you were only pretending to be. I'd rather be punished for sincerity than a fabrication.
IpAncA Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Be yourself and stop analyzing/questioning every little detail down to the crack.
maynard Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 i think almost all of those are great general advice for both sexes, esp. if one has a tendency of being needy. in other words, if being yourself is being a needy person who always seems to get screwed over, well then you have to change a bit right? maintaining an unhealthy you wont get you anywhere. only changing for the better will
Lizzie60 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 this is all very nice on paper...but what's important... I KNOW how to keep my guys interested...
Mustang Sally Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 How to keep a guy interested: Be Yourself. Oh. And be a good f*ck. Did I miss anything?
Krytellan Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 How to keep a guy interested: And be a good f*ck. Did I miss anything? Wow... easy girl. Being a good f*ck isn't an absolute requirement, however, it does help that you do actually want to f*ck. I have just been very frustrated at how hard this is to find. Maybe I'm just not as f*ckable as I think I am
Mustang Sally Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Wow... easy girl. Being a good f*ck isn't an absolute requirement, however, it does help that you do actually want to f*ck. I have just been very frustrated at how hard this is to find. Maybe I'm just not as f*ckable as I think I am Hon, I didn't mean it in a bad way! I actually do think it's important to have bedroom skills to keep your man (or woman, as the case may be) happy! I'm being serious here. I place high importance on my skills as a lover. And I'm willing to try to learn new things, or improve on things that need improving. That's all I was saying.
Author shadowplay Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 I think the problem with the motto "just be yourself" is that some people aren't naturally likeable...or they have tendencies to act in self destructive ways. A lot of people have to work at being better people. Confidence, independence and other virtuous traits may not come naturally to them. So basically if you do things that are good for yourself, they will also make you more attractive to other people. It takes effort, though.
Krytellan Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I agree that some have to work on being better people, but it becomes dangerous when you start trying to tailor yourself to fit someone else. I think some people can blur these lines too much. I think all efforts should be intrinsic and the extrinsic will follow.
maynard Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I think the problem with the motto "just be yourself" is that some people aren't naturally likeable...or they have tendencies to act in self destructive ways. A lot of people have to work at being better people. Confidence, independence and other virtuous traits may not come naturally to them. So basically if you do things that are good for yourself, they will also make you more attractive to other people. It takes effort, though.exactly my point
uniqueone Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 When I first read this post, my first thought was "where's the thread on 'How to keep a GIRL interested?'" Can we see some of those threads on here??? My second thought after reading it was.....you're kidding.....how about...'be yourself'..... I thought maybe I was reading a guide to how to be a Stepford Wife or something for a minute here. Mind you, some good points were made, but still, some of this sounds like it was out of a dating manual from the early 50's. 5) Show him you respect yourself by taking extreme care of your appearance and body. Always look your best around him and attend to little details like polishing your nails, etc. Work out, wear stylish clothes, etc. Most guys love women who pamper themselves. This one I have to comment on. Women must have polished nails? Is that how we were born? Does this mean that our natural nails are hideous? Are mens nails hideous? By saying that women need to alter everything about their natural state to seek approval, makes the statement that women are not ok as who they are. 6) Wear him out sexually. Get really into sex and almost never turn him down. This one reeks of Stepford Wifedom. Why not just put your mouth in the position of a blow up doll? I mean, is this for real? Yep, no matter what you're in the middle of...drop your pants for him whenever he snaps his fingers. Okaaay....... 7) Don't see him all the time. Have days when you can't meet. This will keep things fresh. See him when you want. If it turns out to be several days in a row one week , then that's just the way things are. Be natural. 11) Be reserved most of the time and wild at others, especially in private. What if she's a boistrous person? Should she change her personality for a guy? If so, then who is he really falling for? Just my thoughts.
birdie Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 surely the idea of being with someone is to find a long-term partner, maybe even for life and that's about getting to know one another and figuring out if you get each other. why should I keep myself in check all the time, to be paranoid whether I constantly please my man? all the good men I've ever dated would be horrified to read that some women would put up a show or some false pretence to manipulate them this way. a relationships is a partnership. what's the reward then anyway? that some poor sucker will marry you? and that's so important because another person's opinion and commitment define you? jeeeez, this has to be one of the saddest threads ever
Krytellan Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 what's the reward then anyway? that some poor sucker will marry you? That's the sad part. They're not marrying you, but rather the person you're pretending to be.
FrequentFlyer Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 This is a pretty good thread. I thought it would be a stupid "rules of the road" kind of post, but found myself agreeing with much of what's here...
Author shadowplay Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 surely the idea of being with someone is to find a long-term partner, maybe even for life and that's about getting to know one another and figuring out if you get each other. why should I keep myself in check all the time, to be paranoid whether I constantly please my man? all the good men I've ever dated would be horrified to read that some women would put up a show or some false pretence to manipulate them this way. a relationships is a partnership. what's the reward then anyway? that some poor sucker will marry you? and that's so important because another person's opinion and commitment define you? jeeeez, this has to be one of the saddest threads ever Honestly, I don't understand why people are taking such great offence to this thread. Most of what I listed are things you should be doing for yourself anyway, like having a life, taking care of your appearance, not hiding your intelligence, etc. And tell me one relationship that works where the girl frequently turns her boyfriend down for sex. I'm sorry but relationships take work.
birdie Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Relationships take work from both sides, not just from a woman's side. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you shadow. You just made it sound like it should be all down to the woman. It isn't.
Lyssa Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I am always myself and I have no problem keeping my man interested... I did almost none of the things listed in the thread. A few of it like working out, good appearance and such, I do it for myself not to impress a guy. I like to dress well... but the thing about keeping your man interested, you gotta be yourself - your personality... how you bring yourself around.. stuff like that..
uniqueone Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Honestly, I don't understand why people are taking such great offence to this thread. Most of what I listed are things you should be doing for yourself anyway, like having a life, taking care of your appearance, not hiding your intelligence, etc. And tell me one relationship that works where the girl frequently turns her boyfriend down for sex. I'm sorry but relationships take work. I did mention in my post how many of the points you made were good. But just like another poster said, it's all one-sided as if it's all up to the woman. That and I didn't like how the pointers made the women into Barbie doll images. Women are people...just like men. We need to realize that we really CAN feel ok just the way that we are.....just like men do. Had this all been presented another way--such as some things BOTH partners should do to keep each other interested---those things listed might have been taken more favorably.
lino Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I don't find this thread rediculous, I don't agree with everything you said though. 1) Have a life. Make time for him, but make it clear you have a life outside of him and other friends/commitments. Agree 2) Be spontaneous. Always find little ways of surprising him or revealing some different aspect of yourself (as long as it's positive). Agree to an extent. For me, this isn't something I'd expect always, whenever the girl wants to surprise is ok by me. 3) Even when you've been dating for awhile, let him be the one to make contact 80% of the time. Most of the time don't be the first one to im, call or text him. And don't respond to all of his emails unless he asks you a question that needs an answer. Disagree. I think this should only happen early on. When a guy & girl are serious with each other I think it should be 50-50 on these things. I'm not into this playing hard to get crap at all. 4) Be affectionate physically but reserve verbal affection for rare moments. For example, don't tell him you love him or miss him too much. Find creative, less direct ways of implying that you love and miss him. He will appreciate your signs of affection more if they are relatively rare. Agree a little bit. I think you should say what's on your mind, but if a girl is always saying 'I love you' I think it's too much. 5) Show him you respect yourself by taking extreme care of your appearance and body. Always look your best around him and attend to little details like polishing your nails, etc. Work out, wear stylish clothes, etc. Most guys love women who pamper themselves. Mostly disagree. I'm someone who is in excellent shape and I work hard for it. I expect my girl to be in excellent shape too. I agree on that. The stuff about polished nails & stylish clothes isn't very important for me though. For me a girl doesn't have to wear expensive, stylish designer clothes or anything, if she's hot she'll look great in almost anything. Also some girls think they always need to be wearing makeup around their man, not true for me. 6) Wear him out sexually. Get really into sex and almost never turn him down. Neither agree or disagree. I'm yet to meet a girl that does this yet 7) Don't see him all the time. Have days when you can't meet. This will keep things fresh. Disagree, see him whenever you want. If he's busy or doesn't wanna see you he'll let you know. then it's up to you if it's too much or not enough. 8) Express strong opinions about things you care about...as long as your opinions aren't always negative. Intelligent men respect assertive women. Agree. 9) Be both a man and a woman. One thing I"ve noticed is guys go crazy for girls who are guyish in some respects such as their interests, but extremely feminine in others (sweet, warm, etc). Agree. 10) Always show your intelligence. Dumb chicks get boring fast. Agree. 11) Be reserved most of the time and wild at others, especially in private. Agree. A lady in the street & a freak in the bed 12) Wear clothing that is subtly sexual, leaving stuff to the imagination. Reserve super sexy outfits for special occasions. Agree 13) Perhaps the biggest thing is don't reveal too much of yourself too early on. Be a mystery for awhile and feed him little "nuggets" over time. Disagree. I don't like mysteries & surprises later on.
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