Forget About Her Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 We were together 2.5 years. She's a great girl, not a partier, usually doesn't go out unless I'm with her. She's almost finished her degree, very smart, etc. Before we met, she used cocaine for about 2 years. She was a ballet dancer, and said she used it to stay skinny. She stopped prior to us meeting, and we often had conversations about how disgusting it is. I'm a police officer, and I work in one of the most drug infested diseased communities on the east coast. I see what hard drugs do to communities and individuals, and although I feel people should have free-will to injest what they want, I don't want to be associated with it. I choose not to associate with people who do hard drugs. I ended up cheating on her for several months, and she eventually found out. She broke up with me immediately, and we stayed completely seperated for about a month (the month of february). We eventually got back together in March, and things have been pretty good. On our breakup, she had a valentines day party at her house, and she ended up doing a couple lines because a bunch of people at the party were doing them. I just found about this yesterday, and told her I couldn't be with her. I broke up with her almost immediately after her telling me. We were just sitting on the couch talking, and I asked her when the last time she did cocaine was. She said at her valentines day party, and I was SHOCKED! I broke up with her, and she couldn't believe it. Anyway, do you think I'm going overboard, or what? It hurts, as any long term breakup does, I just want to know if I did the right thing.
sao2 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I do think you overreacted. I understand not wanting to associate with drug users, but I think it might have to fall under the same category as dating someone else during that time. You can always choose to break up with someone with or without a reason, but that reason, given that you were already not together and she hasn't done it since, is pretty lame(IMO).
Author Forget About Her Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 I appreciate that sao2. I do not believe she has done anytihng since then, or before. She was crying, offered to go to NA meetings if it would make me feel better, get drug tested as often as I like, etc. I told her I do not think she has a problem, and NA is a bunch of brainwashing wierdos (just my opinion, don't mean to offend). In my years working the road, I've become somewhat of a human drug detector. She would not be able to be high around me without me noticing. She said she was just really drunk, and did a couple lines because everyone else there was doing them, and it just reaffirmed why she never wanted to do cocaine again. I think I may have over-reacted, but I want to hear more opinions. Thanks.
wwjd Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 she was not dating you when she used cocaine, so she did nothing wrong (to you). when she is single, she is free to do whatever and whoever she wants, as much as it may hurt you. she used to do cocaine before you met her and did it once while you were broken up, so she truly did not do anything "wrong" to disrespect you your views and beliefs. you, on the other hand, cheated on her for several months. you completely disrespected her and your relationship with her, and yet you broke up with her for something she did when you guys were not dating? that is really ridiculous. i could understand you being upset if she had slept around or something to that effect, but she did drugs--she only affected herself and did not "do something with someone else." what if your peeve was alcohol? would you have broken up with her if she had gotten majorly drunk while broken up with you? sorry, but this is a really pathetic excuse. if you really cared for her, you should be concerned in her not relapsing back into cocaine again. cocaine is probable one of the most neuropsychological addicting drugs out there, and with it there is always a great risk of developing problems/dependency, so you should not be condescending by telling her that she "doesn't have a problem." yes, perhaps she really doesn't, which is good, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a risk of her falling back into it and actually developing one. besides, regardless of what you may think, it is actually very easy to do drugs while in a relationship without your partner noticing it. no offense, but when she offered going to those meetings and getting tested, you rejected her trying to "make things right" and acted like a real snob. so, to be blunt, yes you did overreact and you were quite the jerk, too.
Lishy Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Ok I am gonna say it as I see it and if I offend I am sorry It was fine for you to stick your dick up some chick for months whilst you are in a relationship and you get forgiven, but she does something ONCE when you wasnt even together (and lets be honest, this has had no reflection or effect on your life has it?) and you break up with her! I think you are being ridiculous and I hope she kicks your butt to the kerb! Do you also tell her what to wear when she isnt with you? I could understand if you found out she was a complete coke head but come on, this is just dumb! Get it into perpective
Travis L Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 We were together 2.5 years. She's a great girl, not a partier, usually doesn't go out unless I'm with her. She's almost finished her degree, very smart, etc. I ended up cheating on her for several months, and she eventually found out. She broke up with me immediately, and we stayed completely seperated for about a month (the month of february). Ok, I know you have already gotten a lashing for the cheating so I will keep it to a minimum. The question I have is what were you missing in this relationship that you had the desire to go out and cheat? You describe her as a wonderful woman (other than the whole coke thing) and yet you cheated on her for a considerable part of the 2.5 year relationship. I just found about this yesterday, and told her I couldn't be with her. I broke up with her almost immediately after her telling me. We were just sitting on the couch talking, and I asked her when the last time she did cocaine was. She said at her valentines day party, and I was SHOCKED! I broke up with her, and she couldn't believe it. Anyway, do you think I'm going overboard, or what? It hurts, as any long term breakup does, I just want to know if I did the right thing. I can't believe she gave YOU a second chance to begin with... Your ass should be treating her like a princess for a while (in a manly way or she will think she can walk all over you). Really man, you went over board on this one. As long as she isn't going to continue to do it, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I would be careful of those friends with whom she was doing it... I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that this came as such a SHOCK to your system when you heard she had done it again. You love her (to what degree, I don't know), and hate drugs...perfectly understandable, especially in the line of work that you are in... Explain to her that it was just a major shock and that type of behavior is not what you are looking for in a partner. That you understand that it was only a one time thing and as long as that is the case, then you overreacted and would love the opportunity to continue to date her. Case closed... Like you said, you can tell when someone is strung out so just keep your eye open for that...don't drug test her ass unless you suspect it will come out positive.
sb129 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I'm with Lishy. While reading the OP, I was absolutely astounded by the hypocrisy that Forget About Her (and the screename even- WTF??) displayed. If you were my (ex)BF, I would consider it to be a display of true colours, and be glad I made a lucky escape. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I agree with all the other posters. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. You wouldn't have even split up in the first place if you hadn't been doing the dirty on her. So at the end of the day, the split was YOUR fault, you were lucky enough to get a second chance but you then dumped her for doing a couple of lines of coke at her party when she wasn't even going out with you at the time. Your behaviour would drive me to drugs.... I can't believe it.
Lishy Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Shocking isn't it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The poor girl is crying over that!
sb129 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I wonder if she is on here........ Probably too busy running from the sniffer dogs... I know that drugs cause destruction and enormous social problems, but so do alcohol and smoking. I have seen firsthand the crippling effects alcoholism can have on families and I have witnessed someone die from a horrendous form of mouth cancer... Yet I don't go round waving my truncheon at everyone sparking up a fag or drinking a beer...
Lishy Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I know I would prefer to find out that my bf did a few lines at a party then find out he was slinging one up another girl! Talk about double standards!
sb129 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I know I would prefer to find out that my bf did a few lines at a party then find out he was slinging one up another girl! Talk about double standards! Me too... absolutely. Safer too...
Lishy Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 DO you think we have bashed him enough? lol I think he catches our drift lol
Isabella82 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I completely agree with all the other posters... He was lucky enough to get a second chance. Whatever happened during the months that they were broken up does not matter. They were not together, it was none of his business. I don't think you deserve her anyway, she is better off without you, this way she can find someone that wouldn't be f**king someone on the side. I much rather have my bf do lines of coke then be cheating on me.
sao2 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I completely agree with all the other posters... He was lucky enough to get a second chance. Whatever happened during the months that they were broken up does not matter. They were not together, it was none of his business. I don't think you deserve her anyway, she is better off without you, this way she can find someone that wouldn't be f**king someone on the side. I much rather have my bf do lines of coke then be cheating on me. Is that what dating has come to now? Choosing between cheaters and cokeheads? People cheat for various reasons. We don't know the circumstances and it seems like they have come to terms with it. Let's give him a break on that. Consider the cocaine issue independently of that situation. Even without considering the fact that he cheated on her doing coke once at a party 7 months ago while they were broken up is not an offense worthy of breaking up over.
Lishy Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Its almost as if he wants to get her back for breaking up with him last time. Get wise Mr, she had a very good reason Shame she took you back! I can tell you will make her miserable!
sb129 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Is that what dating has come to now? Choosing between cheaters and cokeheads? People cheat for various reasons. We don't know the circumstances and it seems like they have come to terms with it. Let's give him a break on that. Consider the cocaine issue independently of that situation. . You can't consider it independently- the ONLY reason they were "on a break" is because he cheated on her. Thats what ended the R in the first place. If that hadn't happened, the GF probably would have continued to respect his views, and since they were together, she would have spent Valentines day with him, not had the party, and not done the coke. Two lines doesn't constitute a "cokehead". Even without considering the fact that he cheated on her doing coke once at a party 7 months ago while they were broken up is not an offense worthy of breaking up over. I agree with this.
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