LN99 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I've seen people in unhappy relationships and it goes to show they're afraid of being lonely or single. If anything those relationships appear as if they take double the effort to make it work, and they get stressed or annoyed if the SO calls or wants to do something. But anyway I think single people are in a better position. The ones who dont want to be single but stay in a relationship dig themselves in such a deep hole sometimes, that the security of the relationship binds them in it...and the risk/rejection factor that's involved in pursuing someone (or the person they've been waiting for) new is a hard concept to grasp. Plus they might feel a moral responsibility to the other person to not cheat. Aside from all the mumbo jumbo, grass is greener syndrome happens to everyone. But better in what way is the question. I can see how this happens. In fact, when I was younger, I dated a guy who I wasn't really all that happy with as time went on. When you put so much into a relationship, sometimes its easier to stay in it then to get out of it. (Which really isn't all that easy in the long run as you pointed out.) I found myself attracted to other men during this time, but NEVER thought of cheating. It just wasn't an option. But, I did realize one thing. If you come to the realization that you aren't happy w/ your bf/gf, chances are as time goes on, it won't change. It will just get harder and harder to leave the relationship and being unhappy will just become more apparent. That is why when I broke up w/ him finally, I felt like crap. But, then after a few weeks, it was like a huge relief. That whole process made me really skeptical about rushing into anything else too soon.
LN99 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Of course it is a generalization. From my experience, girls have been more likely to have the next official boyfriend lined up. Guys will have dates lined up. But that is only the people in my life I have experienced. My last gf, my current gf, and many of my friends. As a gross and likely incorrect generalization, guys who can't be alone will want to play the field and date around whereas women who can't be alone will go from guy-to-guy. Both genders do it, and both cheat, so it doesn't mean much. I got my new gf by becoming closer to her while she was in a relationship. I need to qualify by saying we aren't bf/gf yet but we've talked about how we feel, and we aren't dating others, it's just semi long distance (1.5 hours for the next couple months) so we don't want to pressure of titles or HAVING to see each other every week (though it is happening anyway). But I knew she was perhaps interested in me, so I just asked, "what's it like being in a relationship?" "secure." "That's all, secure? Don't you want more?" "Yes. I don't know. I've always wanted to get closer to you but something was always in the way." Boom goes the dynamite. Does it make either of us bad people? No. It is not ideal, I'll grant you that. And I am wary of it, I'll grant you that too. But MANY people have essentially stolen a bf or gf, and it does suck, but sometimes you have to make your interest known. However, if my girl said "great, I love him" I would have turned away completely. I'm not going to create a crack where one does not exist. Ah, so you did try a rather sneaky/roundabout way of finding out if she was into you or not. (I'm not trying to be mean, just find this kind of interesting.) No, I don't think that you or her are bad people. I just feel that people who are unhappy with their relationship and waiting for something else, should NOT be in a relationship to begin with.(Yes, I know thats pretty black and white.) But true, it is easy to fall into a routine. Also, what if that person thought that this was the best thing that ever happened to them....and someone else comes along and "POW", it hits them that THAT was exactly what they were missing. Or they found out that is something MORE they desire in a relationship. I guess that could happen right? Anyways, congrats on your story. Instead of focusing on the negatives of you stealing her from her bf, I look at it as you were finding her while in a relationship that was doomed to begin with.
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