My sister's soon to be ex-husband and I

[hopefulheart]

I was talking about cheating in general...husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends... it happens...its common....most times if partners don't find out no harm done. It goes on everyday all over the world.

 

Now my situation started off with cheating, it was physical, it was wrong, no one knows and no one will ever know that it happened. But this turned into more than that. He has realized it and will divorce due to the fact that he is in love with another woman. It's not fair for her if he stays.

We started something and plan to date and let it take its natural course. We are not planning on marrying the day after the divorce or telling everyone what we are doing or what we did or parading it in front of everyone. We plan to really get to know each other, see our compatability and if we decide that we trully are for each other then we will make it official and accept the consequences together. If it doesn't work we move on. We are thinking if we can last a year of dating, let my sister move on from the divorce and move on with her life then share our feelings and plans with the family and prepare for whatever happens. It's a lot to carry and impossible to believe, I know, but i'm willing to do it because i believe in it. If down the line he falls in love with someone else, that'll be karma biting my own a**. And if our family abandons us and disowns us and if we abandon each other, karma again, we are willing to take that chance too.

 

By the way, thank you for your prayers.

[Hurt & Alone]

And what happens to you when he finds another love? You will not have him nor your family. I am having a difficult time contomplating how you could be possible do this to your sister. Blood is supposed to be thicker than water. I must live in a completly different galaxy than you. I would never ever hurt my sister over a man.

 

Living in a world that is surronded by nothing but blackness is sure going to be a hard place to survive in when you are left all alone.

[norajane]

And if our family abandons us and disowns us and if we abandon each other, karma again, we are willing to take that chance too.

 

Why would you give up your family? Don't you love them? Or do you dislike your family, so losing them would just be a blip on your radar?

[StaringContest]

I say go for it. Tell both your families. And be sure to tell them all that you don't feel bad because "cheating is a fact of life" and all that insane bs you spouted. That way they'll know what kind of person you are and can get you out of their lives.

 

And at least your sister will know to keep you away from her next husband.

[Lostgurl]

So tell us...what does she have that you don't that compelled you to sleep with her husband and try to one up her? She's better looking? Thinner? More money or better personality than you? I'm not fooled here. To sleep with the husband of someone you don't know is one thing, and not that I condone it, but there are usually strong emotions involved. To sleep with the husband of a family member, let alone someone with whom you grow up together, reeks of strong resentment and wanting to bring her down a notch.

 

Another note...

 

Not destructive unless found out? You contradict yourself. I think you stated that he filed a divorce because of his relationship with you and she has no idea about the two of you.

 

I hoping troll, here.

 

I agree, she must hate her sister with a passion, to do something like this to her. It's bad enough when it happens between friends. But your sister? . It's unthinkable. Yet she doesn't question her morals....

 

I hope you are right, about her being a troll, because this is maddening!!!!

[Jinnah]

I was talking about cheating in general...husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends... it happens...its common....most times if partners don't find out no harm done. It goes on everyday all over the world.

 

Now my situation started off with cheating, it was physical, it was wrong, no one knows and no one will ever know that it happened. But this turned into more than that. He has realized it and will divorce due to the fact that he is in love with another woman. It's not fair for her if he stays.

We started something and plan to date and let it take its natural course. We are not planning on marrying the day after the divorce or telling everyone what we are doing or what we did or parading it in front of everyone. We plan to really get to know each other, see our compatability and if we decide that we trully are for each other then we will make it official and accept the consequences together. If it doesn't work we move on. We are thinking if we can last a year of dating, let my sister move on from the divorce and move on with her life then share our feelings and plans with the family and prepare for whatever happens. It's a lot to carry and impossible to believe, I know, but i'm willing to do it because i believe in it. If down the line he falls in love with someone else, that'll be karma biting my own a**. And if our family abandons us and disowns us and if we abandon each other, karma again, we are willing to take that chance too.

 

By the way, thank you for your prayers.

 

Now you are spouting mess about only hurting if she finds out so it doesn't matter, but in your original post, you were contemplating telling her... it sounds like after all the advice you got, you've just decided to become a better liar... this is horrible... you just don't give a d@m# about your sister. At this point, I hope you just get out of her life (and the rest of your family) any way you can. If they knew how you are, they wouldn't want you there. Anyway, it still does harm even when no one finds out... it still damages the marriage... most people know (or at least suspect) when the person they are with cheats, so whatever.

 

You say it started physical, trying to defend yourself, but you just made your self look worse... you stole your sister's husband for some sex... at the very least, it could have been that you were in love with him for years before they got married. That still would have been EVIL, but this is demonic. You need to seek some help.

 

You believe in it?! Wow, you really do have some twisted thoughts. I can't even believe this.

[Cerise]

My only sister is a decade younger than I as well! we are not overly close either but I can't imagin EVER doing this to her! I never would!

I can only imagin how I would feel if my sister ever got involved with my ex-husband even in the remotist way!

 

It is not like you fell for a guy to only find out later he was married - you knew before you even got close to him in the slightes that he was married!!!! He was part of your family. It is called - self control!

 

It may be one thing if after they divorced you and him started talking and a realtionship happened then but even worse he cheated on her with you that is compleate and udder bullsh*t To carry on a realtionship they way this one started is simply unbelivable, even more unbelivable that it started in the first place!!!!!!!!

 

When you have distroyed your family and he cheats on you you will have no one! You family will hopfully laugh in your face!!!!

 

ALWAYS FAMILY FIRST!!!!!! well I guess you kinda did that, you decided to start a romantic realtionship within the family.... rather pathetic if you ask me!

[whichwayisup]

I'm not discusted with myself or question my morality in any way though. I'm sorry, but cheating is a fact of life. Sixty percent of men do it and forty percent of women, who do you think they are doing it with? I am dissapointed and surprised in the fact that it happened with someone very close to me. But this type of act is only distructive when it's found out, if it's not, no damage done.

 

Well, good luck in fantasy-affairyland. You're gonna need it...........

[dropdeadlegs]

Well, I couldn't do that to my sister, but I acknowledge that it does happen. Two weeks ago I met someone whose ex wife is now married to his brother. I don't know if they got together before or after his marriage broke up, but he didn't seem to be all that disturbed by it and neither was his Dad, who was with him.

 

I don't know how you could accomplish moving to the state where they live and dating him without your sister and family finding out. I think your sister would get suspicious of your move so soon after he filed for divorce.

 

I say to each his own and I have no right to pass moral judgment on anyone. Be prepared for a tough go of it, though. Many people will not understand your decision and many will not accept it. You may lose the love and respect of some. It would probably be a long time before your sister could forgive you.

 

I wouldn't find the risk worth the reward, myself, but this is your life. You gotta do what you gotta do.

[whichwayisup]

It would probably be a long time before your sister could forgive you.

 

How does one forgive a family member for messing around with your spouse? I honestly don't think it's possible...

 

What a mess. THANKGOD there are NO kids involved in this situation!

[woodsfield]

Well, I couldn't do that to my sister, but I acknowledge that it does happen. Two weeks ago I met someone whose ex wife is now married to his brother. I don't know if they got together before or after his marriage broke up, but he didn't seem to be all that disturbed by it and neither was his Dad, who was with him.

 

i don't think i could handle my brother marrying my wife if we got the D, but some poeple are different; to me that's just worng....now, my nieghbor married his brother's wife after his wife and brother died....they also had to be like 80-something .

 

as for coldheated,i mean nohopefulheart, i mean hopefullydidnotruinhersisterslife, i mean whatever the homewrecker's name is.....you are outta your mind! if you stay with this guy, you WILL lose your sister no matter what. she WILL find out someday, and then she will be hurt, right?? cause, apparently, that's the only time people get hurt...she must be just GRRRREAT now cause she doesn't know, right?

 

cheating is normal behavior?? mommy and daddy always told me i was special because i was different. glad i ain't nowhere near normal.

 

i hope one day you introduce him to your hot cousin and he does the same to you. actually, you deserve worse. you SHOULD be ashamed, but you won't til it blows up in your face, and i hope it does, if you persist.

 

sorry to be so hateful, but i'm trying to imagine how your sister would feel. someone said it before, that most of the time, LOVESHACKers give good, meaningfull advise...when i first came here with issues, some of the same people that have tried to help you said some very helpful things to me, and LS has become somewhat of theropy for me. YOU NEED SERIOUS THERORY. you are beyond the help that can be given here.

 

good advise was given and ignored, and you then inserted your whole leg into your mouth. i hope you choke on it.

[Kasan]

Men will come and go.....you never screw over family or friends for a man.

[jason2425]

I'm not discusted with myself or question my morality in any way though.

 

that probably because you have no morality. which is proven by your actions.

 

I'm sorry, but cheating is a fact of life. Sixty percent of men do it and forty percent of women, who do you think they are doing it with?

 

My guess is that they are doing it with you.

 

I am dissapointed and surprised in the fact that it happened with someone very close to me. But this type of act is only distructive when it's found out, if it's not, no damage done.

[\quote]

 

your sins shall find you out. but it sounds to me that you do not care what the repricutions are. you dont care if you loose your family and any respect you may have had from them. all i have to say is there is no person in this world that would ever be able to come in between me and my family or siblings. nobody is worth it. no man is worth coming in between the people who gave you life and love you in a true and honest and pure way.

you are headed to distruction and hell on earth for your whole life. and when this man runs out on you because he is cheating with someone else you will have NO one to turn to because you have no family. do me a favor and watch this play called "I can do bad all by myself" its by tyler perry. you can find it at blockbuster. its very funny, but you will get a very good message out of the situation between the two sisters. check it out.

[quankanne]

no one will ever know that it happened … We started something and plan to date and let it take its natural course.

 

whether anyone else knows isn't the point: The point is that YOU know the two of you stabbed your sister in the back by having the affair with her husband. Eventually, the truth is going to come out, and you two will just be pouring salt and lemon juice on the stab wounds in your sister's back. Because this isn't really about you and him and you're fantasy love for each other (I use the word fantasy because you fail to consider the realities of how it will rip your family apart), it's about doing the right thing. In this case, it's walking away before anymore damage is done.

 

I guarantee you, your sister is going to put two and two together and figure out that you were the homewrecker, and the "love" you and your BiL feel for each other isn't going to be worth poop in comparison to the pain you have inflicted. You might be able to live with the idea of being rejected by your family because you have "love," but have you seriously considered what effect this is going to have on your family? Or are you too far beyond caring what happens to them, as long as you've got your man?

 

I feel for you … this just doesn't sound like a winning situation ....

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

Forgetting the family factor - who in their RIGHT mind would put ANY stock in a parasite like this? He was THAT willing to dump your sister without so much as a second glance?

 

I guess you're far TOOOOOO special and he'd never do that to you, right? Oh, it's going to be such a far fall from grace when lover boy finds a shinier new model once you think you've won this prize.

 

Loser doesn't even begin to describe it.

 

You did your sister a huge favor - you showed her what a piece of trash she really married.

[FrequentFlyer]

Is this post even REAL?

 

Well, if it IS a real post (which I doubt), then I've said it before and will say it again...

 

Six BILLION people on the planet. You chose this one?

[LucreziaBorgia]

You can justify cheating all you want, with as many facts, figures, statistics, and anecdotal 'evidence' that you can find. Still doesn't make it right. You can explain yourself until you are blue in the face, and your family will still see your actions as reprehensible and likely treat you in the way you deserve to be for betraying your sister in the way that you have. Stay with this guy if you will, but you'll more than likely be ostracized from your family if you do so. If that floats your boat, then at least have the decency to move away, so that your family and your sister don't have to live in the aftermath of your horribly selfish and devastating acts.

[DOA]

Dang, she has no conscience at all.

 

Must be a troll. Her replies are becoming laughable.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm not discusted with myself or question my morality in any way though. I'm sorry, but cheating is a fact of life.

So are child abuse, sexual slavery, incest, rape and murder. Is this like a Chinese menu? We get to pick one from Column A and one from Column B?

 

Regardless of how you see your own role in this, any man that would be the other half of this equation is not a candidate you should be considering for love or marriage. Since you seem to have burned most of your bridges here, I'd suggest moving to a foreign country (the further away, the better) and starting over...

 

Mr. Lucky

[whichwayisup]

You did your sister a huge favor - you showed her what a piece of trash she really married.

 

Unforunately too, she's also proved to her sister what a untrustworthy person she is.

[Curmudgeon]

No comment... I won't tell you what I think... I'd get banned for sure.

 

Aw, go ahead. For once we might agree!

[va bene]

WOW! I can't say i was surprised to hear all of your comments I knew what the thoughts of the general population would be. I really appreciate and respect everyone's opinion. I needed to hear what the expected reaction of my family and friends would be. I needed to hear it and see if I should be discusted of the act and repent.

You know in life no one never knows what kind of bumps they will encounter. I've lived a straight path all my life. I've never lacked anything. I've been successful in my career, financially and to some extend in love, I haven't married because I just don't want to. I just never had the marrying bug. I lived with someone for four years and got tired of it. I've been actively dating for the last 3 years and am happy. I NEVER expected this to happen. This is a huge bump for me. I don't know where to go from here.

 

I'm not discusted with myself or question my morality in any way though. I'm sorry, but cheating is a fact of life. Sixty percent of men do it and forty percent of women, who do you think they are doing it with? I am dissapointed and surprised in the fact that it happened with someone very close to me. But this type of act is only distructive when it's found out, if it's not, no damage done.

 

Successful people know how to spell "disgusted," "disappointed" and "destructive." Nor do they in 2007 shag their in-laws. You sound like a tremendous failure at life.

[Gunny376]

WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUCNTION!

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!

THIS IS YOUR SISTER!

You don't even date your sister's ex ~ let alone shack up nor marry them!

 

Are you that hard up to find a man?

 

SHOW a least a little RESPECT!

Respect FOR yourself!

Where in the Hell did you ever get it into your brain housing group that you deserved this?

 

GET REAL!

[Cioriel]

I agree with everyone else here. You are trying to make excuses as to why what you did was okay, but it's not okay. Just because people cheat does not make it right. People like you are the reason that those percentages are so high - people like you that think it is okay to cheat. It is not okay under any circumstances, whether they were happy in their marriage or not, whether he is attracted to you or not. That doesn't make it "right" or even okay.

 

And have you thought for a second about what he has actually done? Do you think you'll ever be able to reconcile that fact and be completely reassured that he wouldn't ever do the same to you?? He's already shown he's capable of it.

[Jilly10340]

Don't try to justify your actions by saying "He's divorcing because it wouldn't be fair to her to stay in the marriage when he's in love with someone else." That's complete and utter BS.

 

Is it fair to her that her OWN SISTER slept with her newlywed husband? Is it fair to her that that led to the destruction of her marriage?

 

Why do you even want to be with this loser? And while cheating may be common (which I don't think it is) that doesn't mean it's ok to do it, are you 5?

 

You suck at life.