hopefulheart Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 My sister got married three months ago. I am a decade older than her and so weren't always that close. We became close when she decided to get married and asked me to be her maid of honor. We became even closer after she and her husband moved to my city. We spent lots of time together having dinner in each others homes and going out. One night we had quite a lot to drink and while my sister was in the restroom something out of the blue happened. My brother in law and I played footsie and he confided that if he was single he would deffinitely want more to do with me. I wasn't sure what to do or say but taking advantage of our state at the moment I just smiled and flirted. I can't really explained why I wasn't berating myself for having been so unthoughtful and uncaring of my sister that night. I felt guilty but not remotely so that I said anything to her or stopped the behavior altogether. Instead he and I developed a deeper relationship and soon I started to confide my personal feelings and past relationships with him. Two months later we slept together. When we slept together a second time he confided that he had been in love with me for quite some time and had contemplated what it would be like being married to me and not my sister but thought he could never have a chance with me. I was literally shoked. I thought it was only physical. I broke it off then. Needless to say the damage had been done and deeper feelings had already began to blossom. Now, a month later, they live in another state and he has drawn the divorce papers. He confesses his love and need for me. He wants me to move to his state, away from family for now, so we can be together. We talk about marriage, children, and a happy future. We don't plan on moving in yet, instead date for a while and in six months to a year we can finalize it and tell our families. I am torn with the knowledge that I ended my sister's marriage, even though he says they were having problems before they got married and that those problems made him see the qualities he was looking for in me and which my sister lacked. He says he will still go through with the divorce even if I don't agree to try it between us because he realizes he will never be happy in that marriage. I can easily transfer my work to where he is without my family suspecting anything. I can't deny that everyday I feel deeper feelings for him, but I am completely torn in what to do. Can it work? Will my family accept our relationship if it works and we decide to marry? Will my sister accept it? Am I being completely selfish? Should I just let it all die between us even if their marriage is over? Is a nine year difference in our age a factor? Please advise.... Desperately Torn
Lyssa Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I'm not sure how your family is going to accept it if both of you decide to get married. As for you sister, no matter what her S2BXH says, she will see you as the cause of her broken marriage. Well, maybe part of it would be you. With all those times you spent with your sister at her house, did you see anything wrong in their marriage? Doesn't she confide in you? Whether it works or not with the age diff, well my BF's ex wife is 9 years older than he is and everything was fine in the beginning but after a while.. things changed. I think in any marriage, that happens.. it's all up to you to make it work or not.
tommyr Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Sounds like this guy may be unable to be in a committed relationship, and he seems to look upon any woman (even his SO's sister) as a potential partner. Hopefully you only have the 1 sister?
lovelorcet Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I think you two are made for each other... Your moral standings seem to be in line with each other so I say go for it.
jmargel Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 So you went from getting closer to your sister to doing the most destructive, selfish, immature thing possible to destroy the relationship you have with your sister. Stay away from this man, he destroyed your sister's life and now will destroy yours. He's not capable of showing love and has the ability to actually make you believe your sister was at fault for this "marriage" that only lasted 3 months? You need to break away from him and find couseling asap. You are destroying yourself and your family by doing these things.
Lostgurl Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I have one question to ask you. How can you live with yourself?
jason2425 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 OMG! your sister will hate you. your family will be discusted and destroyed. You will suffer the loss of your family and your sister completely. This is her husband!! I dont care if they were going through hard times he is not yours for the taking. what if your dad had a brother and took your mother way and got married? try to put yourself in your sister shoes. You should have never slept with your sisters husband and never developed anything more than a brother in law relationship. I am not trying to be hard on you, but i think you need the reality of the deal brought out. i guess you will make your own decision. but ask yourself these questions 1) do you love your sister? if not, then take her ex, her left overs. 2) do you love your family? if not, bring the hardship upon all of them and risk loosing them all. 3) is any man worth loosing your family for? my final advice, stop being the other women and get you another man.
Lizzie60 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 My sister got married three months ago. Two months later we slept together. Ha-hem... I am torn with the knowledge that I ended my sister's marriage, even though he says they were having problems before they got married and that those problems made him see the qualities he was looking for in me and which my sister lacked. What a loser!!!! Why get married to her then... if he wanted you? Methink... someone was going on before the wedding between you 2. Can it work? I sure hope not! Will my family accept our relationship if it works and we decide to marry? I sure hope not! Will my sister accept it? Duh! Am I being completely selfish? No comment... I won't tell you what I think... I'd get banned for sure.
justfine Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Obviously, you have an extremely underdeveloped sense of right and wrong. You qualify to be on the Jerry Springer show. Shame on you for being so utterly wreckless and selfish. Man, it just eats me up when the people who are closest to you, the ones you should be able to trust, betray you.
quankanne Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 unless you're ready and willing to rip your family completely apart, I'd advise not to pursue this relationship. Because they're not going to focus on the "love" you and he may feel for each other, but your selfishness – your sister is going to see you as a back-stabbing, man-stealing sl*t, and both your families are going to wonder how the hell you could do this to your relative. And I imagine your parents are going to be crushed (your mom) and pissed off (your dad) beyond belief, because surely, they raised you better. And both are going to be put on the spot because you and your sister will now be able to accuse them of not "loving" their child if they help the other of you through this. this just sounds like a recipe for disaster, and there's no real way to clean up a mess like this. The smart thing to do is to just walk away from this guy before any more casualties occur.
whichwayisup Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 We became close when she decided to get married and asked me to be her maid of honor. We became even closer after she and her husband moved to my city. We spent lots of time together having dinner in each others homes and going out. One night we had quite a lot to drink and while my sister was in the restroom something out of the blue happened. My brother in law and I played footsie and he confided that if he was single he would deffinitely want more to do with me. I wasn't sure what to do or say but taking advantage of our state at the moment I just smiled and flirted. If you couldn't figure out what to do, then honestly (and sorry to sound harsh here) you need to get to therapy and figure out WHY you couldn't say NO to your sister's husband. After being her Maid of honour, building up a sisterly relationship with her...I just don't understand HOW you could do that to her. IT's bad enough her own husband, but her sister??? That's DOUBLE BETRAYAL. Talk about loss of complete trust. Anyway, you need to work on yourself esteem and self confidence! Something is really really wrong here...
jason2425 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Anyway, you need to work on yourself esteem and self confidence! Something is really really wrong here... sound like to me she got too much self esteem and confidence
Lostgurl Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 sound like to me she got too much self esteem and confidence Anyone with an ounce of self esteem and confidence wouldn't commit the worst possible betrayal and hurt their loved ones that way.
climbergirl Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Anyone with an ounce of self esteem and confidence wouldn't commit the worst possible betrayal and hurt their loved ones that way. I agree. My guess is that the OP is jealous and resentful of her sister for whatever reason.
jason2425 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Anyone with an ounce of self esteem and confidence wouldn't commit the worst possible betrayal and hurt their loved ones that way. it was meant as sacrasm
CAT100 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Your sister???? OMG. If my sister did that to me Id be so utterly devasted, your sister not only has the pain of losing her husband but also her own sister! God I dont know what to say without really going into one. There are some people that are just OFF LIMITS & these include the spouse of any of your family members! Can you even begin to imagine how you would feel if your sister did this to you?? And what about the guy, I bet hes getting a right kick out of it! Sleeping with sisters is something hes probably proud of! How can you sleep with him knowing hes been with your own sister? Its sooo... incestuous :sick: Do you have ANY morals at all??
underpants Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 You have crossed over the line so far I doubt you can ever come back.
Jinnah Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 ... I am a decade older than her and so weren't always that close... Sounds like you are trying to make excuses... you shouldn't. There aren't any. ...I am torn with the knowledge that I ended my sister's marriage... You are torn? Then stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW. Imagine how torn your sister is going to be when she finds out. I get the feeling you aren't going to get much sympathy. ...I can easily transfer my work to where he is without my family suspecting anything. I can't deny that everyday I feel deeper feelings for him, but I am completely torn in what to do. Can it work? Will my family accept our relationship if it works and we decide to marry? Will my sister accept it? Am I being completely selfish? Should I just let it all die between us even if their marriage is over? Is a nine year difference in our age a factor? Please advise.... Desperately Torn Wow, you really have been scheming, haven't you? The readers on this website are usually understanding when people mess up... you have gone way to far though for even liberal-minded readers... take that and realize THIS IS VERY WRONG. I'm not trying to be harsh, but this is serious! NO, it won't work, NOOOO, your family will not accept it, HECK NOOOO, your sister will NEVER ACCEPT IT. 100%, YES, you are being BEYOND selfish. LET IT GO!! Who cares about your age difference... did you think people would actually understand this? I feel bad for you because if you have even the teeniest amount of morals, you probably feel embarrassed after reading all of the comments... don't do anything crazy... seek God, pray to him and beg Him for mercy and for Him to forgive you... he will if you are sincere. I'm praying that you will realize how wrong you are and I am also praying for your poor sister. Please listen... you are sooooooo wrong here.
Lezbean Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I think you two are made for each other... Your moral standings seem to be in line with each other so I say go for it. Yeah, what they said. How hard up to you have to be to take your baby sis' new hubby? Booooooo!
Author hopefulheart Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 WOW! I can't say i was surprised to hear all of your comments I knew what the thoughts of the general population would be. I really appreciate and respect everyone's opinion. I needed to hear what the expected reaction of my family and friends would be. I needed to hear it and see if I should be discusted of the act and repent. You know in life no one never knows what kind of bumps they will encounter. I've lived a straight path all my life. I've never lacked anything. I've been successful in my career, financially and to some extend in love, I haven't married because I just don't want to. I just never had the marrying bug. I lived with someone for four years and got tired of it. I've been actively dating for the last 3 years and am happy. I NEVER expected this to happen. This is a huge bump for me. I don't know where to go from here. I'm not discusted with myself or question my morality in any way though. I'm sorry, but cheating is a fact of life. Sixty percent of men do it and forty percent of women, who do you think they are doing it with? I am dissapointed and surprised in the fact that it happened with someone very close to me. But this type of act is only distructive when it's found out, if it's not, no damage done.
Jinnah Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 WOW! I can't say i was surprised to hear all of your comments I knew what the thoughts of the general population would be. I really appreciate and respect everyone's opinion. I needed to hear what the expected reaction of my family and friends would be. I needed to hear it and see if I should be discusted of the act and repent. You know in life no one never knows what kind of bumps they will encounter. I've lived a straight path all my life. I've never lacked anything. I've been successful in my career, financially and to some extend in love, I haven't married because I just don't want to. I just never had the marrying bug. I lived with someone for four years and got tired of it. I've been actively dating for the last 3 years and am happy. I NEVER expected this to happen. This is a huge bump for me. I don't know where to go from here. I'm not discusted with myself or question my morality in any way though. I'm sorry, but cheating is a fact of life. Sixty percent of men do it and forty percent of women, who do you think they are doing it with? I am dissapointed and surprised in the fact that it happened with someone very close to me. But this type of act is only distructive when it's found out, if it's not, no damage done. Someone, please tell me she didn't just type this. It looks like there is no hope for her... She can't admit she is wrong. God help her please. I don't say that sarcastically... she needs it and it sounds like God is the only One who could get through to her from what I can see. Cheating is not a fact of life. Notice how you didn't say 100% of men and women cheat. Your poor, poor baby sister. I don't know what I would do with a sister like you. This does sound like Jerry Springer, as one of the earlier posters said. Almost fake... This person is either possessed or just posting a fake story for fun. Better the second scenario than the first.
MrsHellnoFire Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Are you out of your mind?Your sister will never speak to you again. Is this idiot worth it after only knowing him for a few months? Give me a goddamn break. YOu are nuts.
Tomcat33 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Hope you are ready to write off your family for this LOSER because your family sure as hell will write you off! WOW what a sittuation to even contemplate getting caught up in let alone allowing yourself to partake in it. Sorry but this is a new low, she's your sister for god's sake does that mean nothing to you? Over a friggin'penis? If you don't question your ma\orality or what you are doing then why even post about it? go through with whatever it is you want and hope for some months of sex at best. Afterthat you will try to pick up the peices all by yourself. You will be very lonely losing your blood over a man that CLEARLY is not woth the hassle. You think things will be great IF the work out if they don't? What then? he goes on to make his life and you what? Think!
MrsHellnoFire Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 But this type of act is only distructive when it's found out, if it's not, no damage done. What? So you expect this to be a short enough term where nobody will find out? What's the point of it then????You sounded almost like you were in love with the guy.. is this really realistic that deep feelings might not grow and you both will eventually have to break the news?Either way is a losing scenario so I'd suggest avoiding this man altogether.
climbergirl Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 WOW! I can't say i was surprised to hear all of your comments I knew what the thoughts of the general population would be. I really appreciate and respect everyone's opinion. I needed to hear what the expected reaction of my family and friends would be. I needed to hear it and see if I should be discusted of the act and repent. You know in life no one never knows what kind of bumps they will encounter. I've lived a straight path all my life. I've never lacked anything. I've been successful in my career, financially and to some extend in love, I haven't married because I just don't want to. I just never had the marrying bug. I lived with someone for four years and got tired of it. I've been actively dating for the last 3 years and am happy. I NEVER expected this to happen. This is a huge bump for me. I don't know where to go from here. I'm not discusted with myself or question my morality in any way though. I'm sorry, but cheating is a fact of life. Sixty percent of men do it and forty percent of women, who do you think they are doing it with? I am dissapointed and surprised in the fact that it happened with someone very close to me. But this type of act is only distructive when it's found out, if it's not, no damage done. So tell us...what does she have that you don't that compelled you to sleep with her husband and try to one up her? She's better looking? Thinner? More money or better personality than you? I'm not fooled here. To sleep with the husband of someone you don't know is one thing, and not that I condone it, but there are usually strong emotions involved. To sleep with the husband of a family member, let alone someone with whom you grow up together, reeks of strong resentment and wanting to bring her down a notch. Another note... Not destructive unless found out? You contradict yourself. I think you stated that he filed a divorce because of his relationship with you and she has no idea about the two of you. I hoping troll, here.
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