amber1 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 There's this guy that I used to date who I fell totally in love with. I don't know if he felt the same way about me, but every once in awhile I will think about him and the feelings will come rushing back. This is the only person that this happens with. I have dated other guys and try to forget about him, but for some reason it is like deep inside of me I still love that one guy. The feelings just won't go away. It's been 7 months since we last saw each other and we don't talk anymore at all. I think he is in a relationship but I don't know. Does anyone else have this same sort of situation? How long does it usually take for feelings of real love to go away? He and I did not end things the way we should have (IF we should have)...we just kind of stopped talking, so it is like there is unfinished business. Of course, now I can't really do anything about it since as far as I know he has a gf. Any advice?
fray718 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 How long did you date him for? Well there was this one guy I was totally infatuated with...we were only involved for 4 months or so on and off.....but it took me a YEAR before I wouldn't turn pale whenever I ran into him at work and when I finally was able to be into other guys again. But even after that year (it's been a total of 18 months now) sometimes if something triggers me I'll still think of him again and remember how much he hurt me and I'd still tear up about it . I would say that while I no longer like him and I'm over HIM, I'm just not quite over what he DID to me....the hurt is still there and to be honest I think it will always be there. I was traumatized by him.
Author amber1 Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 We only dated for about 5 months. In fact a year ago was when we started dating. We just had a great connection. Unfortunately I never see him so I don't know how he and I could ever start dating again. One thing I noticed tonight is I still have him on my instant messenger as a contact and I see him on there every once in awhile. Would it be such a bad idea to say hi?
Yellowboy Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 All the time. This one girl I briefly dated 4 years ago, she dumped me for a guy she couldn't even ask out. Later, she ended up dating two of my friends, which I wasn't too keen on (I at least knew one guy was a married player so...), but both relationships didn't work out for her. Over the years we remain friends and got to know her more and made me like her even more. I still love her to this day, but doubt we'll ever be together again. I just tell myself, sometimes letting go of the person you love is another way of showing it...I just wish her happiness in her life. Meanwhile, I try to find someone new.
fray718 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 We only dated for about 5 months. In fact a year ago was when we started dating. We just had a great connection. Unfortunately I never see him so I don't know how he and I could ever start dating again. One thing I noticed tonight is I still have him on my instant messenger as a contact and I see him on there every once in awhile. Would it be such a bad idea to say hi? Why is it that you never see him? Did he move away? Were you guys in any type of established relationship? I ask because it's strange that you two dated for 5 months (which I think is kinda long in this context) and then you two just stopped talking . How did it get away without some sort of 'breakup' talk? I think you should consider such questions before thinking bout IMing him. But if you say he has a gf rite now, then I'd suggest against it.
Author amber1 Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 Well even though we dated for 5 months, we weren't anything official. We didn't see each other that often, maybe once every 2 weeks. He lives about 35 minutes away, which isn't far for some people but it was for him because he always wanted me to go to him. I didn't want to do that all of the time so we both stopped suggesting dates and then he stopped calling. I guess he would do this to me now. Yeah, I better not contact him. I just don't understand that if he is in fact with someone, how is she putting up with him being the way he is? It's just disappointing since I liked him so much (and still do).
JCD Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 It's possible he wasn't into you that much and is more into his other girl and puts out the effort to go see her. Concentrate on someone new who would be much more interested into you.
halfarock Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Over the years I’ve been in love with several women. In many ways, somewhere inside, I never stop loving them. It’s just that over the years the intensity fades.
lino Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I feel very similar about my last ex. Dunno if I'm in love with her or not but I miss her so much and no other girl I meet is as good as she was. I still can't see where I went wrong
Lyssa Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I dated a guy for almost 3 years. He broke up with me. It took me almost the same amount of years to get over him. He is a great guy but at the same time, he broke my heart - big time - that made him a jerk. Make sense? The thing is, after that he came and told me he messed up big time - the part about HOW he broke up with me and we ended up being buddies. It was hard to get over him then because we were still hanging out and talking over the phone but oh boy, I am so glad I got over him. I wasted 3 years!!! My bad! Now I am involved with a great man! How awesome is that?! Amber, you'll get over him. You'll meet someone better. I think you're just not over HOW you goth broke up, maybe?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Hi, I believe that it would be in your best interest to differentiate between how much of your draw to this person is actually "him"... vs. how much of your draw to this person is based on a strong valuation of your own investment IN someone else. It is perfectly normal to value highly the emotional investment you make in another person while dating. These investments are like the stock market, where you do some research before making this "investment", and once convinced it is the right one, you inspire yourself to invest more and more in the same direction. When it ends, (and the stock goes down)... the only way to realize any return on your investment is to cause yourself to hang-on and hope that the teensy tiny worth in the present will rocket back up miraculously. That is usually poor investment strategy when the very good money (in a small amount) you could cash-out for would be far better placed if 'invested' in a brand new person/stock that is presently thriving. I hope this makes sense... and consider the poster above me who "cashed-out" of one relationship and then "reinvested" in a better, more suitable one.
Author amber1 Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 I feel very similar about my last ex. Dunno if I'm in love with her or not but I miss her so much and no other girl I meet is as good as she was. I still can't see where I went wrong Yeah I actually got the nerve up to look at his myspace to see if he is still with that gf, and he is. It makes me sick. I wish that somehow we could at least see each other again, but I don't know how it could happen. I don't think we communicated enough. I wish I could do it over again differently. I know exactly what you are talking about. It's like no other guy I have met since him makes me feel the way that he did.
Author amber1 Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 I dated a guy for almost 3 years. He broke up with me. It took me almost the same amount of years to get over him. He is a great guy but at the same time, he broke my heart - big time - that made him a jerk. Make sense? The thing is, after that he came and told me he messed up big time - the part about HOW he broke up with me and we ended up being buddies. It was hard to get over him then because we were still hanging out and talking over the phone but oh boy, I am so glad I got over him. I wasted 3 years!!! My bad! Now I am involved with a great man! How awesome is that?! Amber, you'll get over him. You'll meet someone better. I think you're just not over HOW you goth broke up, maybe? Well honestly it is because I really do still like him. We actually never did break up lol.
Author amber1 Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 Hi, I believe that it would be in your best interest to differentiate between how much of your draw to this person is actually "him"... vs. how much of your draw to this person is based on a strong valuation of your own investment IN someone else. It is perfectly normal to value highly the emotional investment you make in another person while dating. These investments are like the stock market, where you do some research before making this "investment", and once convinced it is the right one, you inspire yourself to invest more and more in the same direction. When it ends, (and the stock goes down)... the only way to realize any return on your investment is to cause yourself to hang-on and hope that the teensy tiny worth in the present will rocket back up miraculously. That is usually poor investment strategy when the very good money (in a small amount) you could cash-out for would be far better placed if 'invested' in a brand new person/stock that is presently thriving. I hope this makes sense... and consider the poster above me who "cashed-out" of one relationship and then "reinvested" in a better, more suitable one. Yeah I see what you mean. I invested a lot into it, but then again I really did like him.
Author amber1 Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 I do have one question though. Have any of you that have gone through this tried to contact these exes after you haven't spoken to them in awhile? Has it been a positive or negative experience? How did you do it? Did you call them, email, or text?
Author amber1 Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 Okay, after doing a little thinking, sure, there are some good things about the guy but I decided to make a list of the things that are bad about him to help me get over him. I'm sure you will think these are bad too: 1. Wouldn’t pick me up for dates anymore. 2. Wouldn’t ask me out on dates anymore. 3. When I mentioned he and I doing something together, he would make an excuse. 4. Got to a point where I felt like I was chasing him. 5. He stopped calling. 6. Didn’t respect my sexual boundaries. (Kept asking me to spend the night too soon into the relationship; also, kept wanting me to have sex with him when I wanted to wait. I did give in to sex with him once, but it wasn't the right time because it was a night when he treated me badly. I still regret that.) The feelngs that I have for him began before all of the bad things started happening, which is why I still like him. Making a list like this helps me get rid of those feelings. One other thing that was bad about him that was always there was the the fact that he drank a lot. That definitely bothered me when we were together.
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