norby117 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 This will sound like I am a young person - ie 20, but I'm not i'm in my 30's he's in his 40's! My bloke and I have been living in my flat together for 2 years and been together - on and off for 6 years! I thought, althought we had a tempestuos relationship that we were stronger! Anyway to cut a long story stort, he went away to work in February and came home most weekends - wanting me! I paid for his mobile et al and helped him through it but i noticed a number he kept calling, stupid me called it to find a woman at the other end _ I put it down straight away! I challenged him and said she was just a friend yet......... Beginning of July after we spent a good week together, I had no contact with him and then he called, got 2 answermachine messages from him when he knew I was busy then 3 days later he came here when I was working, took a suitcase of stuff and left - no message no nothing, I just noticed things were gone! No calls from him since! Bumped into mutual friends who tell me he's saying it's over and he's "shagging" someone else, that he's put his stuff into storage- blatent lie, it's still here! Yet NC from him, his stuff is here, he has about 2 grand worth of stuff of mine! Pls help, don't want to chuck his stuff but need to move on, Stupidly paid for everything while he was with me - so much so I'm in debt and had bayliffs round for HIM last week - a debt that was around before we were together! Still love him - stupidly, still want him back but at the same time no contact from him and i deserve better! What advice would you give? Thanx
Ssheena Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Tough one. Sounds like a very good con man and I bet it's not the first time he's played this game with a woman. You might want to give the girl a call and tell her what's going on and what he's done because 99.9% sure, he'll do it to her. What a creep. Get a lawyer too.
Curious139 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Oh dear, how could anyone treat you like this??? Of course you still love him but I have to say that is partly habit and mostly brain chemicals - dopamine. It is going to take a while to recede but for your own self-respect you cannot allow this man to treat you this way. You deserve much much better. You might have to pussyfoot around him to get your stuff back but don't weaken. Once you've succeeded, NC. Finished.
Author norby117 Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Thanks for you kind words. I know I have been daft, but are there any guys out there that could answer why he hasn't broken it off with me properly, why he hasn't got all his stuff , which includes a lot of sentimental things (he didn't even take the picture of his son that was by the bed when he took his suitcase of stuff) and if he is waiting to see how this new relationship works out before coming crawling back. I have found out that he has been overseas for the last 4 wks and won't be back for another 2, he's out there on his hols with his new girl - Ironic that I always paid for our hols and everything on them and he's gone to the place we had our first holiday together. I have also heard that he has been trying to get his mates to go out there too, in fact a couple are going out there this week. Do you not think this is a bit odd. Inviting people to join you when you are away with you're new girlfriend? I'm in a real mess, I can't get him out of my head. And although I am trying to move on every time I go out socially I am confronted with someone who wants to update me or tell me things. I cannot believe his new relationship will work out - he's 43, she's 28 and although I'm stupid to even contemplate it I want him back. I know he used me and let me support him, but we had mostly great times and he is dafinately a soulmate! Do you think he will contact me again, he finishes his work in January and is homeless and is, as I have said useless with money so I can't imagine he'd have enough money for a new place. This new girl has no home of her own either, she tours the country working, and still lives with her parents! They are based 100's of miles apart and I can't imagine either of them will want to move away from their friends. Please help I think I'm going crazy!
Lizzie60 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I can't get him out of my head. although I'm stupid to even contemplate it I want him back. I know he used me and let me support him, but we had mostly great times and he is dafinately a soulmate! WHAT????? Do you think he will contact me again, he finishes his work in January and is homeless and is, as I have said useless with money so I can't imagine he'd have enough money for a new place. This new girl has no home of her own either, she tours the country working, and still lives with her parents! They are based 100's of miles apart and I can't imagine either of them will want to move away from their friends. Since you allow him to used you...and you seem to be OK for him to use you again.. I say... why not take them both under your roof.... poor him. I just can't believe what I'm reading... geezzz you're in your 30s and allow losers like him to 'USE' you.... well then... you deserve him! I am shaking my head in disbelief!!!!
Author norby117 Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Why be so nasty? I know i'm wrong in wanting him back and I can't allow myself to do it, but to say that I shoul take them both under my roof and why POOR HIM.
Author norby117 Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Why be so nasty? I know i'm wrong in wanting him back and I can't allow myself to do it, but to say that I should take them both under my roof and why POOR HIM? I didn't allow him to use me, when you care about someone surely you help them when they need it!
Lizzie60 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Why be so nasty? I know i'm wrong in wanting him back and I can't allow myself to do it, but to say that I should take them both under my roof and why POOR HIM? I didn't allow him to use me, when you care about someone surely you help them when they need it! I guess we have different views on what 'using someone' means... from what I read here: Do you think he will contact me again, he finishes his work in January and is homeless and is, as I have said useless with money so I can't imagine he'd have enough money for a new place. This new girl has no home of her own either, she tours the country working, and still lives with her parents! They are based 100's of miles apart and I can't imagine either of them will want to move away from their friends. You sound like you're worried about him... and her... I find it sad... really sad that you can't even see that you've been used...
Author norby117 Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Hi, We have crossed wires here I'm not worried about them at all, obviously I feel very hurt and betrayed, but I'm more concerned about him coming back and not being strong enough to tell him where to go! As I said earlier I still have all his stuff here and he has belonging of mine and if he's homeless then........... Yep you're right it is sad and very painful that I invested so much in a relationship and got treated like this. Thanks for you're post, I guess I'm just not facing up to it and i'm in denial - I will try and wake up and smell the coffee!
Ssheena Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Besides, Norby doesn't want to hear from us girls, she wants a guy to tell her (exactly what we've been telling her). He is a mooch and a user.
Author norby117 Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 Just want to thank you all for you're posts. I don't just want guys advice and I am grateful for all your comments. I totally appreciate that I sound like a saddo, and I guess I am which is why I was asking for advice. I know I have been used and I am turning the corner as far as getting angry with him, after 6 years of loving someone it is hard to switch off the feelings and comprehend he has ended it like this. But I do understand what you are all saying and feel very stupid that I sound so SAD to you all.
Ssheena Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Of course you are sad! If someone in your situation was not sad or devastated, that would be pretty wack. No one, female or male, should have to go through what you did. It shows total lack of respect. I remember a thread on here awhile ago written by a guy, I can't remember his name right now (no coffee yet) but he had a girlfriend who pretty much did the same thing. You have to grieve the relationship and it's totally ok to have whatever kind of feelings you are having whether they be anger or sadness or just "how the heck could he do this to me". Take care.
Author norby117 Posted September 14, 2007 Author Posted September 14, 2007 Just wanted to say Thank you to everyone that has posted, I feel like I'm looking at a light at the end of the tunnel! Things aren't going to be easy and I still have to face him coming back to get his stuff, but you've made me realise that I am better than this relationship and he will go on using people and I had a lucky escape! Still scared I won't be strong enough when he does come back - and I know he will.
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