coffee_addict Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 hey all heres the deal - on one hand, i have a great boyfriend, who i know loves and adores me. on the other i have my best (male) friend, who i love and adore. see the problem. lately i have beel feeling like im getting sick of my boyfriend - i see him twice a week usually, but its close together, like wed/thu or tues/thu. but i just feel like id rather be at home on my own, and if i do see him, especially at his house, id rather play videos games or sleep for a bit than sit there kissing or fooling around. i have been in love with my best mate for a while now, over a year, well before i met my boyfriend, and tonight i went out with both of them for the first time. i havent seen my best mate in 2 months, and have only spoken to him occasionally, which has been really hard for me. Today i met up with him and we spent 6 hours together chilling and doing whatnot. Then we went to a bar, and half an hour later my boyfriend came (coz i invited him) and then a bit later so did one of my best mates (female) friends, who he likes and flirts with hugely. I found out earlier today that he had invited her, and i got upset because to be honest, i didnt want him to go off with her, which i knew he would. and he did by the way. all of tonight, when my boyfriend was kissing me, or holding my hand, i just wished i could be kissing or hugging my best mate, and kind of wished my boyfriend wasnt there. When it came to saying goodbye i just wanted to hug my best mate forever, as it will probably be 2 months till i see him again, whereas im going to my boyfriends 2moro after my driving lesson at 12 and i just cant be arsed. why cant i just be happy with my boyfriend? hes the greatest guy in the world and im not used to having people like me this much, so much that i feel a bit smothered. i feel so guilty and horrible please help :(:(
Krytellan Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 lately i have beel feeling like im getting sick of my boyfriend - i see him twice a week usually, but its close together, like wed/thu or tues/thu. but i just feel like id rather be at home on my own, and if i do see him, especially at his house, id rather play videos games or sleep for a bit than sit there kissing or fooling around. The presence of the best mate is irrelevant. This is what matters and is the most telling part about how you feel. You need to act on this. It's no good for anyone if you don't.
kymberann Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I say get it all out. It will bug you and you will let it fester until you do. Anyone your best mate is with, you will be jealous of and wish it were you. Which will make you resent your BF even more so. It's not fair to him, and not fair to you. Yes, think about what this could potentially do and influence these two relationships, but think about what can continue to go on if you don't. Best
Author coffee_addict Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 thanks for your replys guys i really dont want to act on how im feeling, mainly because we have broken up once before, around this same time (6 weeks of going out) and also im going back to uni in a week and a half, so id like to see what im feeling when im back up there. My best mate knows how i like/love him, but when i met my boyfriend, after a few weeks i said i didnt like him anymore in that way and could finally just be best mates. But thats a blatant lie lol. I thought i was over him but seeing him last night with that girl, makes me realise im not. And from the way i was acting im pretty sure he knows i still like him. im a bit of a loner (lol dont i sound like a fun person?) and i need a *lot* of time to myself. I kind of do want to see my boyfriend today now, although im still feeling tired and like id rather just sleep when i get to his instead of fooling around :(:( whats wrong with my head ive wanted a boyfriend for 19 years, never had one, and now im not so sure. Why cant i just not have all these doubts :(
mental_traveller Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Feeling this way doesn't make you a horrible person. But it does mean that you are not really feeling anything special with your boyfriend. You should not lead someone on if you are not really into them, and thinking about another guy. The fairest thing for you to do is tell your bf you like him but you don't quite feel the strong connection that you need, and you think it's best if you go your separate ways. It will be hard at first, but in the long run it is far better than staying in an unsatisfying relationship. Once that is over, you're free to meet someone who *does* make you feel that way. It could be your best friend, or it could be someone else.
Yosef Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 im a bit of a loner (lol dont i sound like a fun person?) and i need a *lot* of time to myself. I kind of do want to see my boyfriend today now, although im still feeling tired and like id rather just sleep when i get to his instead of fooling around :(:( whats wrong with my head ive wanted a boyfriend for 19 years, never had one, and now im not so sure. Why cant i just not have all these doubts :( When you're alone for such a long time, with no need to express love or need for anyone else, and no one to give you so much attention, you develope a loner personality to adapt to the emotional state, so that your brain is programmed to work better in the setting it is most accustomed to. I'm the exact same way. You need to mention to him, sincerely and very carefully not to hurt him, that you, truthfully, need to spread apart the meeting times or reduce seeing each other to a day a week, because its been hard on you and you need the time to yourself to recharge. I'm sure he'll understand unless he's the jealous type, or unless he's very extraverted and quite socially active. In a relationship, if you're an intravert, as you are, alone time is a very good way to repair the cut strings and worn gears. It's a very supported marriage problem solver and is used on many radio stations, books, and chats focusing on marriage troubles. Everything involved in marriage troubles can be and most likely is involved in relationship troubles. Getting that alone time could allow you to rethink how you're doing things, and boost your throught processing. It could open up your mind to new ideas and new assessments on situations regarding your current setting.
Author coffee_addict Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 thankyou so much for your replies guys well i saw him today, and we did fool around, and we did play video games n things as well, and it was all really good an i had a great time with him im moving away in around a week and a half to go back to uni and i will welcome the alone time im going to have, but im also going to miss him i have said that i need me time, and he does understand, and has said thats fine and he doesnt mind at all if i want some time to myself hes so great, i just have to sort my mind out i think, im very confused and all over the place lol, so just need to get my life together a bit. i also have toothache to add to my problems lol thanks for everyones replies, and please dont think im ignoring advice but im sure as you will understand, id rather do all the options i have such as reducing or spreading apart the meeting times and try anything i can before i think about breaking it off i guess once im at university, i will have to judge my feelings and see. thanks you guys, ill keep you all updated i feel a day in my pyjamas with my phone switched off is needed lol x x x x x x
Yosef Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 thankyou so much for your replies guys well i saw him today, and we did fool around, and we did play video games n things as well, and it was all really good an i had a great time with him im moving away in around a week and a half to go back to uni and i will welcome the alone time im going to have, but im also going to miss him i have said that i need me time, and he does understand, and has said thats fine and he doesnt mind at all if i want some time to myself hes so great, i just have to sort my mind out i think, im very confused and all over the place lol, so just need to get my life together a bit. i also have toothache to add to my problems lol thanks for everyones replies, and please dont think im ignoring advice but im sure as you will understand, id rather do all the options i have such as reducing or spreading apart the meeting times and try anything i can before i think about breaking it off i guess once im at university, i will have to judge my feelings and see. thanks you guys, ill keep you all updated i feel a day in my pyjamas with my phone switched off is needed lol x x x x x x I wish you best of peace! I really think all you need is some peace and quiet to recharge and relight the fire in your relationship w/ your boyfriend. I really hope you obtain the wisdom you so desire. I totally agree with the PJ and Cell-Off day.
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