Lucky555 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 So i have known this guy through classes and hes very smart, helpful, bright, and really hot. He is a tall guy with blonde hair blue eyes. So i have talked to him before really easily....today i say hi and he appeared to be flustered like caught off guard. I have no intention with this guy because hes very quiet and taken of course. He likes girls that take the lead as i have talked to him last year. now here is the thing i have no desire for this guy, i don't even think that he and i would ever connect but i like his personality. Chemistry is very important...i have none and thats were it has stayed as a friendly interaction. Now its amazing to me how i work...i have found i go for guys that are basically center of attention....i just acutally realized this today! here is the guys i have gone for within the past year and half. 1. the guy was a star athlete and pursuing med degree changed schools (amazing guy but he was leaving..and i dont think him having a gf and pursuing me was good for any relationship...good guy though i think) 2. guy was my boss (dumped him for good reasons) 3. guy is a singer (kinda shy to talk to him, waiting for pigs to fly) 4. guy was the bosses son and played a sport (dumped him because he was going no where in life) 5. Met him at a club great chemistry wanted to "hook up that night!" umm i dont do random hook ups...who knows i have his number he has mine...hes just working for a clothing store though. makes me wonder if he hooks up all the time...um my gut says he does. I know that i want a guy thats either in school or going to school or in the military. Its a preference of mine. So can anyone tell me what my problem is here..is this what dating is like going through a list of "SMUG" guys.......oh boy! i feel like its just on going and nothing is changing. The guys dont get any better but i keep holding onto this belief that someday i meet a decent man and have it last more than three months..longest relationship. Its like i can grab the guy but then getting the relationship going is just so hard cuz i find out more and more of things that i dont like. So here is what i am going to do..i will date a bunch of guys at once and then toss them out from there. No more misses nice girl where i let them down easy and remain open..its a waste of time because in the end i am left with nothing but an empty bag of chips! So is this the right attitude i should develop to help the process along...such as when i find out that a guy does drugs which i would never have in my life (preference) i should just toss him out and move on! Cuz i know he wont change and i cant change him nor will i accept him that way. i feel better now, advise needed thanks if you can...be critical tell me what it is i should be changing or doing! Maybe my emphasis on chemistry is too much..like guys i am not attracted to but they are hot....weird huh, should i still pursue them? sometimes feelings just develop right?
Tony T Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 You are way oversimplifying the process. It isn't just about getting out there and going for the chemistry right off the bat. You need to first begin dating men whose ideals, intelligence, morals, interests, etc. are similar to yours. Yes, there should be some attraction. You will find that over time a greater chemistry will develop if you give it time. My suspicion is that you are afraid of achieving a long term, intimate relationship and therefore throwing curve balls at yourself. There is something psychologists call the "ego ideal." Google that term and become familiar with it. It's a blueprint we all have deep within our subconscious mind of the person who will fit our bill as a partner. However, the subconscious mind is incapable of detecting all the BS that one who appears to have these qualities may also have. Your best bet is to give second chances...but not too many. If someone you are dating just doesn't do it for you in many ways, by all means move on. But if there's someone who possesses reasonably most of the characteristics you would value in a man, give the chemistry a chance to stir up. Now, in the event you are unconsciously afraid of commitment like so many others...all the chemistry, good looks, intelligence, morals, values, common interests, etc. will be for naught. It just won't happen. If you find that's the case, get counseling. I think your idea of tearing out in the world in an ambitious fashion to find Mr. Right, tossing men out to the left and right at rapid speed, is a very dangerous strategy and I wouldn't go there if I were you.
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