flowerfairy142 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Hello all, My fiance and I are planning to get married November of 2008. We have been together over 7 years and are completely well aware of our decision to make this big step. I have absolutely no second thoughts about him and neither does he of me. Of course, we have had our disagreements over the years, but only 2 really big arguments (which each lasted almost 2 weeks). There are few things we disagree on, but the things we do agree on are important and therefore overshadow the small disagreements. We each spend at least an hour a day together, but we also make room for time to spend with friends and family, without each other. That is something I recently learned...that it is important for couples to have activities that doesn't involve the other half. It actually makes our conversations much more interesting; when he tells me what his friend so-and-so did, or what his other friend told him, etc; and I do the same. I would just like advice on how to prepare in the months before our wedding (starting NOW). We both still live with our parents and have never lived elsewhere. Any advice on how to slowly start preparing for this big change and adjustment? I am also very nervous about different experiences people I know have had regarding being newlywed...two of those experiences ending up in quick divorce. I know every situation is different but I want to make sure that all our cards are played right and if we can avoid any unnecessary problems, please advise. Thank you SO much!
quankanne Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Any advice on how to slowly start preparing for this big change and adjustment? not sure if this will help, as I pretty much married long after leaving home and living on my own, BUT my husband and I did a marriage enrichment retreat 7 years into the marriage that would have been awesome had we done it right away. Because it covered everything from family to finances and sex, to fightng fairly. You might check to see if any of the churches in your area offer marriage enrichment classes for engaged couples; I know a nearby city has adopted something called "VOW" which sounds like a secular version of what me & DH went through. I am also very nervous about different experiences people I know have had regarding being newlywed...two of those experiences ending up in quick divorce. I know every situation is different but I want to make sure that all our cards are played right and if we can avoid any unnecessary problems, please advise. when you write "the things we do agree on are important" when it comes to your occasional disagreements, it sounds like you two have figured out the big things when it comes to relationships, and that's a very positive thing to have – a lot of young marriages end up broken simply because neither party has the tools to work through issues (again, where a marriage enrichment program would come in handy). and I think a lot of it has to do with immaturity in dealing with issues: One or both fail to see that the relationship isn't "me" or "you," but "us" ... you're one now, and everything you do affects the other. And this is where compromise comes into play, that learning to yield some things so that the integrity of the relationship is strengthened, you know?
dreamyeyes42 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I agree, marriage enrichment programs will come in handy
Author flowerfairy142 Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 Wow,thanks for the advice. Actually, the church where we'll be getting married offers mandatory classes for engaged couples, and I have been told by many people to take advantage of those classes. I cannot wait to start then. I've just been nervous because a friend of mine got married and a month after, he started seeing another girl and eventually cheated on my friend. It just makes me sooooo mad but also scared. I just cannot comprehend how someone can DO such a thing like that. She really wasn't expecting anything like that to happen....they had JUST gotten married!! BUT, they were living together for 4 years before, so I've always wondered whether THAT had anything to do it, or at least play a small role. Of course, I don't think my fiance would ever do such a thing to me...but I can't help but be scared about it, since it happened to my friend.
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