heartbroken524 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 So here is my situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Last month he cheated on me. He said he did it because he knew I would break up with him for it and he needed time apart because he wanted to realize on his own if he is with me because that is what he really wants or if it is just because he is comfortable with me. The reason he couldnt just tell me that is because other times when he has tried to let me know he wanted a break I have totally not let that happen and convinced him we didnt need it. Yeah my mistake. So after that happened I thought I would just totally walk away from him and it would be over because that is what I have always said, cheating is the worst thing you can ever do to me and I will never get over it. But when it happened I dont know why but I just couldnt cut him out of my life. We did break up, but I just thought we would work past this and work out our problems and get back together. Well he needed time to think so I gave him some space. The problem was that we still remained intimate under supposed physical fulfillment only terms. Well we did that twice and each time he ended up bringing out all these feelings he said he loved me or he acted like we were together and then the next day he was totally back to "I need to think" again. so I told him we could not continue that anymore. We gave eachother space again. Then one night he came to me and I expected him to just want that physical arrangement and I told him "I cant do this with you because I love you and it means something to me." He then declared his love for me and told me he wanted to be my everthing. So I thought we were back together. Then, 3 days later its back to the thinking again. So I said wait you know I cant let you keep doing this to me. I needed him to decide what he really wanted. so I told him I was going to take some time to do some thinking of my own and take a month. After that month either he made up his mind or didnt and I would also make my decision if I still wanted to try to be with him. Well we had one evening out together that went really well, we talked and both told eachother that we did want to be with eachother but things are just so complicated. Well after that we were somewhat affectionate but no kissing or beyond. Well I took that just as it was, being affectionate but nothing more. I didnt feel like I was back with him or anything, and I wasnt thinking there still wasnt a chance we would not get back together. Well he said he couldnt be like that because he was not going to be making his decision based on what he wanted when we were around eachother all the time. So I said fine, this is what we will do. There is 2 1/2 weeks left of my month. We can both handle abstinence that long, so in that time we will give eachother as much space as possible and try to figure out what we want. so yesterday was day 1. I know I love him soooooo much and want to be with him, but only if he wants to be with me on the same level. I need to be loved by him with his whole heart and soul or it will not be right. But I also realize he has hurt me alot and maybe i should just let it go. I dont know what to do. I love him so much and I cant stop. HELP!!!
Touche Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Hi, I started reading your post but it's too long with no paragraphs. You won't get nearly the responses you would if you post it with paragraphs. Also, if you do decide to re-post this in another thread, it might be nice if you made the title a little more descriptive so people will know what it's about. I'm sorry. I'd love to respond and help out but I only made it through a couple of lines and then it all blurs together. With that said though, from just having read the first few sentences, I can tell that he's just using you. He certainly doesn't sound ready for a committed relationship at all. Is he very young? I'd guess he's not even 25 yet am I right? If he's over that, then he's just really immature for his age. Why would you want someone who doesn't really know if they want to be with you or not? Why would you want to be used?
Mustang Sally Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Ok, girl. You need some tough love, I think. Ms Mustang says: He's a JERK. No...better yet, a real p*ssy to tell you that he cheated just so YOU would break up with him? What a piece of work! You already have a p*ssy, no? Why do you need another one? Get my drift? Move on. There are more worthy fish in the sea...
Travis L Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 So here is my situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Last month he cheated on me. He said he did it because he knew I would break up with him for it and he needed time apart because he wanted to realize on his own if he is with me because that is what he really wants or if it is just because he is comfortable with me. The reason he couldnt just tell me that is because other times when he has tried to let me know he wanted a break I have totally not let that happen and convinced him we didnt need it. Yeah my mistake. He cheats on you so you will break up with him? What an ass... Total excuse to get a piece... So after that happened I thought I would just totally walk away from him and it would be over because that is what I have always said, cheating is the worst thing you can ever do to me and I will never get over it. But when it happened I dont know why but I just couldnt cut him out of my life. We did break up, but I just thought we would work past this and work out our problems and get back together. Sometimes it's so hard to turn our backs on someone even if they have done us wrong... Well he needed time to think so I gave him some space. The problem was that we still remained intimate under supposed physical fulfillment only terms. Well we did that twice and each time he ended up bringing out all these feelings he said he loved me or he acted like we were together and then the next day he was totally back to "I need to think" again. so I told him we could not continue that anymore. We gave eachother space again. Lol.. Ummm...I say bad call on still letting him get a piece while not together. What would be his motivation for getting back with you if you treat him like you are back together but he has no commitment to you (i.e. he can go elsewhere too and not feel guilty). Then one night he came to me and I expected him to just want that physical arrangement and I told him "I cant do this with you because I love you and it means something to me." He then declared his love for me and told me he wanted to be my everthing. So I thought we were back together. Then, 3 days later its back to the thinking again. So I said wait you know I cant let you keep doing this to me. I needed him to decide what he really wanted. so I told him I was going to take some time to do some thinking of my own and take a month. After that month either he made up his mind or didnt and I would also make my decision if I still wanted to try to be with him. He knew the right words to say to get your ass back in line. Well we had one evening out together that went really well, we talked and both told eachother that we did want to be with eachother but things are just so complicated. Well after that we were somewhat affectionate but no kissing or beyond. Well I took that just as it was, being affectionate but nothing more. I didnt feel like I was back with him or anything, and I wasnt thinking there still wasnt a chance we would not get back together. Well he said he couldnt be like that because he was not going to be making his decision based on what he wanted when we were around eachother all the time. So I said fine, this is what we will do. There is 2 1/2 weeks left of my month. We can both handle abstinence that long, so in that time we will give eachother as much space as possible and try to figure out what we want. so yesterday was day 1. I know I love him soooooo much and want to be with him, but only if he wants to be with me on the same level. I need to be loved by him with his whole heart and soul or it will not be right. But I also realize he has hurt me alot and maybe i should just let it go. I dont know what to do. I love him so much and I cant stop. HELP!!! Ok, from my point of view you are addicted to being his #1 priority and knowing that there is someone out there that "loves you". If you let him get away with cheating and, in fact, pursue him harder afterwards, he will continue to do the same thing over and over again. I really think you need to kick his ass to the curb and let him stew over what he has done. This BOY is immature and the only way to treat negative behavior by a child is punishment. Forget all the of the good times with him...go to the doctor and see if his ass gave you an STD and then you'll really have something to be pissed about. You really need some time to yourself to build up your self-esteem... You DESERVE better! If he doesn't shape up during the time away, NEXT! It may sound cruel and all you want is the man back that you fell in love with...he's gone right now...and there are 20+ guys waiting in wings to take his spot. It's not going to be easy and you're going to want to pick up that phone and call his ass but just remember what he has done to you and the relationship. His man unit was in another woman...visualize it, feel it, hear it... Seriously, he isn't going to know what he wants until he has NONE of you.... Take the time, go NC(don't call him, and don't answer his calls) and give yourself time to heal. After a few months of that you can reanalyze the situation. This time will allow you to clear your head of the addiction to him (it really is an addiction...speaking from experience). You're running on emotional steam right now and you're allowing yourself to be emotionally abused by a man that doesn't know what he wants... He cheated and faced no consequences except getting his way. You are, in fact, reinforcing his behavior. You are enabling him to continue to be immature. If you care about him and yourself (most important), cut the cord, give it time, then reevaluate it. You are on an emotional roller coaster and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Jump while you still can!!!!
uniqueone Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 I'm sure you see a pattern there....everytime he wanted some....he had all these feelings for you. Then afterwards, he needed to "think" again. What does that tell you? It's not going to go back to what you thought you had. The guy's a jerk.
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