almostthere Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 My bf and I are $450 away from paying off the ring (approx 3 months). We want to have an engagement party to let everyone know. Traditionally, who is supposed to throw one? Can the couple throw one or is that weird? It would be kind of nice for the two families to meet (although I am scared to death of it) before the wedding. He may not invite most of his side because he has sort of disowned them. I like most of them but I have my differences with a few. They invite his exw and his kids (and her new bf) to family gatherings and never call him to give him the option of attending first. Seems weird especially because the marriage ended in infidelity (she cheated on him). Seems the family is disrespectful towards him in inviting her to family parties still. A friendship is fine of course...but not for family parties and holidays. Anyway...that's a whole different post. It doesnt bother me anymore. I really don't care about it like I used to. So, back to the question....(I got side tracked) who typically throws one and is it goofy to have an engagement party even though you are holding off the wedding for a few years? (saving money to get married on an island and I am trying to finish college first).
KenzieAbsolutely Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 i don't know who typically throws it, i would think parents of the couple if they were choosing to have the party, but if the idea is yours, you might have to foot the bill. it isn't a wedding though, so it doesn't have be some huge event, there are more ways to save money at a party like this (if you have to--- some people don't and they just go all out, so if you can do that, that's fine too.) in any case, no matter who pays for it, go for it! why not announce your good news to everyone at a fun event like a party? you know you are planning to wait a while to get married in order to tie up some loose ends (i did the same thing, and i think more people should do thatbefore rushing the aisle!) so you have a couple years at least to plan your actual wedding. why not celebrate and have some fun now? i'd like to know what you decide, maybe i can help with some ideas.
woodsfield Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 i think that the "wedding party" should be responsible, but you haven't told anyone yet so there is no wedding party at this time.....hmmmmmmmmmm. my groomsmen hooked me up with a fabulous one and they/we have done a couple others since. maybe tell your soon to be maid of honor and best man and let them handle it. as for costs; two words---cash bar. as for the family inviting the ex AND bf without "clearance"....that's messed up, but there are kids involved. sounds like fun....good luck and congrats!
taiko Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 So, back to the question....(I got side tracked) who typically throws one and is it goofy to have an engagement party even though you are holding off the wedding for a few years? (saving money to get married on an island and I am trying to finish college first). Traditions depend upon the tradition of your community. Without more information about that people can only tell you the tradition of their community. In some places the couple does the party plannin and financing. In some cultures the party is the parents affair, sometimes the bride and other times the grooms family bare all the cost. In some there is no seperate party the announcement is the wedding.
Enema Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 My fiance and I threw our own party. There's no tradition that someone should throw it for you. (here at least). That was a couple years ago and we're still not married, so timeframe doesn't matter anyway. You don't need a good reason to throw a party!
Mr. Lucky Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 My fiance and I threw our own party... That was a couple years ago and we're still not married. That must have been some party if you haven't recovered enough to have the wedding ... Mr. Lucky
VIP Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 In three years anything can happen, I don't know if it's a good idea to have an engagement party so long in advance.
Author almostthere Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Thanks for the advice. We were going to do something to keep it light and fun. This is a second marriage for both of us but we both made huge mistakes the first time around...hence the reason we are divorced!! We dont expect or even want anyone to foot any of the cost (maybe a cash bar at most). We may even just have it at my mom's house. We dont want any gifts and if anyone insists (as my family will) I will be asking them to make a donation to Children's Memorial Hospital or St. Jude's. We don't believe that we should have any financial help or gifts given to us since this is the second. I got all that stuff the first time around...it wouldn't be right to receive all that again...in my opinion. We have to save a lot of money for the wedding because we will be having it at an island with close family and our children. So the engagement will have to be long because of that alone. I had a huge wedding the first time and I want something a bit more intimate and memorable then that and he got married at a court house and he wants something a little more special then that. So this works for both of us. I think that a traditional white wedding in a church would make me feel weird. Personal opinion of course...I know a lot of people who dont view that as strange or wrong. We are emotionally ready for a commentment of ths magnitude and we want the excitement of lettng everyone know, much like a wedding celebration provides, but because of all the things we want to wrap up first this is as close as we can get to a celebration. Our hearts are in the right place and we have both learned from our own mistakes on the first go. We are both smarter and older this time around and I believe we know better then we did before. I was only 18 when I got married and that was because I was pregnant. He was 21 and that was because she was pregnant. Now I am 28 and he is 31 so we have both 10 years of growing up and living and learning. I am not sure when I will actually get the ring but when I do and when we decide on the party date and place I will update on here. I am thinking around Christmas if I had to guess. There are 3 months til I get the ring at a minimum. He is still planning on how to do it. He is trying to make it really special. He even has the 60 year old lady at work giving him suggestions. He told everyone at work so they are also adding their advice. It's kind of cute. He seems proud which makes me feel really good.
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