Heartache11 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Everyone I need help. My ex broke up with me at the beginning of August It was an off again, on again relationship. I was very upset, for I thought he was really trying this time and I was shocked. We barely talked, and hung out one night before I went back to college 4 hours away, as promised. It was awkward, I tried to talk about what happened, and he just made me cry. I drove back to school, which he usually did. That night, he text me saying “You know I really love you” “You have no idea” “Don’t lose that ring” (not engagement) I told him I love him too, etc. I call him later in the evening and he says he meant it but it can’t be now. This makes me upset and I ask him why, but he ignores me. We continue to talk about once a day, just friendly. I would occasionally make hints at future plans and he would say we’ll see So sh** hit the fan Monday morning. He was online and I IMed him, asking how he was because he was supposed to be away. He seemed very cold and I finally got fed up at his hot and cold actions towards me and I called him out on it. I said some very mean things, like you are really f*ng hurting me, do you have a heart?, etc. He started to not respond and be mean back, saying we shouldn't talk then if he's hurting me. I got very upset, asking him to please just explain what he is feeling, if he says he loves me but can't do this now. He said no and wouldn't pick up the phone. I called him a bunch of times, left him a very upset voicemail, and he basically started ignoring me. I was a mess. I talked to friends who calmed me down, but now I'm afraid he hates me. I text him yesterday saying "I'm sorry, will you please call me in the next few days" and he didn't respond. I then text him this morning "do you hate me?" and he didn't respond either. Was I wrong in wanting an explanation? I'm so afraid he hates me now and will never talk to me again. I had him where he was opening up and telling me he loves me, and I blew it. Now I am the crazy ex. I feel so stressed and upset over this. What can I do to make this better?
angie16 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 its ok. brush yourself off and don't contact him again. i know you are hurting, i am too. I am not being rude and am very sorry he was cold to you. (and you just helped me not IM my ex like i want to right now and SCREAM at him)
niceguy27 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Yeah. Dont contact him for a little bit. It gets easier after just a couple weeks. Maybe a "whats up how you doin" text here and there but other than that just try to NC for a little bit. Plus, never put your emotions first when you are talking to him. I write out a journal or letter when Im super upset. You will be amazed when you read it again in a few hours after you have calmed down. That has helped me a lot.
Author Heartache11 Posted September 5, 2007 Author Posted September 5, 2007 Thanks. And I'm glad I could help angie16 hah. I know I need to get in control of my emotions. I'm just so afraid he hates me now and never wants to talk to me again. I had him telling me he still loved me and I can't get over I blew it.
Author Heartache11 Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 I need help everyone. I have texted/ called/ IMed him at least once a day since Monday, when this all happened. He hasn't responded. I don' want to look crazy but I just want to know if he isn't going to talk to me anymore. Out of respect. Also, I want to know he doesn't hate me I can't control it. Help... what should I do?
bestadvisor Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 I need help everyone. I have texted/ called/ IMed him at least once a day since Monday, when this all happened. He hasn't responded. I don' want to look crazy but I just want to know if he isn't going to talk to me anymore. Out of respect. Also, I want to know he doesn't hate me I can't control it. Help... what should I do? It seems that he's not concentrating on you at all; maybe he has someone else already?
sedgwick Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 You MUST stop contacting him! You're only driving him away. If he's not responding, that's your answer. Don't give any more of your energy to someone who ignores you.
oppath Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 You blew NOTHING. This guy was sending mixed messages that were hurting you because they were confusing, and you asked for explanation. Good for you. Now, when he pulled away, that means he was a jerk. He wasn't respecting your boundaries or being kind to you. In response to that, you pushed. Stop pushing, because this guy doesn't deserve you. His unwillingness to communicate is HIS problem, not yours.
Izzy B Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Please read the book He's Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt. If you have had an on-again, off-again relationship, that means he doesn't really love you. You give a guy one breakup chance and one get back together, after that if you are continuing to break up, you know he doesn't really love you. It is easy to text things such as "I still love you" etc. etc. etc. but actions speak louder than words and he's certainly not acting like a man who is in love with you. Cut him out of your life altogether. You will find true love and this will pass.
oppath Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 You give a guy one breakup chance and one get back together, after that if you are continuing to break up, you know he doesn't really love you. pass. I won't even give a girl that unless she's had a rough period of time like her father dying to strain the relationship. You break up with me, you are dead to me, especially if you didn't express your feelings and communicate how your needs weren't being met, etc, so the breakup would be a dialog, instead of a unilateral decision.
Author Heartache11 Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 Thanks everyone. I guess I'm doing a little bit better. I haven't tried to contact him since this morning. I am going to do my best to not contact him. Maybe next weekend I will try and call one last time and if he doesn't respond, that is it. I am a mess, though, that he hates me and will think horribly of our 3-year relationship. I was an amazing girlfriend and did everything for him. I hope he realizes it. When we got in the heated argument on Monday, he said that maybe we shouldn't talk for two months. Maybe this is his way of doing that. He kept saying he needed space and time. But a week earlier he was calling me and said he really loved me. So maybe I should give him the space now? Ughh.
oppath Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I agree, you probably need a period of a couple months before you can talk following a breakup. This is FOR YOU. He dumped you, you certainly need time and space.
horizonsend Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 I won't even give a girl that unless she's had a rough period of time like her father dying to strain the relationship. You break up with me, you are dead to me, especially if you didn't express your feelings and communicate how your needs weren't being met, etc, so the breakup would be a dialog, instead of a unilateral decision. With the benefit of hindsight I totally agree with this approach. Not easy to do sometimes, but it's the best thing. If it ends once, then leave it there unless there is some other major stress as you said.
birdie Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Thanks everyone. I guess I'm doing a little bit better. I haven't tried to contact him since this morning. I am going to do my best to not contact him. Maybe next weekend I will try and call one last time and if he doesn't respond, that is it. I am a mess, though, that he hates me and will think horribly of our 3-year relationship. I was an amazing girlfriend and did everything for him. I hope he realizes it. When we got in the heated argument on Monday, he said that maybe we shouldn't talk for two months. Maybe this is his way of doing that. He kept saying he needed space and time. But a week earlier he was calling me and said he really loved me. So maybe I should give him the space now? Ughh. you've been having an on-off relationship with this guy. why? is that because you can't work through conflicts/difficult issues so you break up when the tough gets going? nobody breaks up over an argument really, it's usually about stuff that's way below the surface. maybe he doesn't want anyone to get close (the 'hot/cold' thing) maybe something else. it doesn't sound healthy. I know it's frustrating but stay away and I think maybe you should try to find someone that has a more balanced approach to relationships
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