the_otherhalf Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 The guinea pig that we bought together died Friday. I couldn't believe it. I decided to call him, the first time we talked in person since June. He sent me an e-mail last night because we were supposed to hang out last Friday, and it's now postponed until this Friday. He has been pulling the whole friendship thing, but I don't know if I could handle it. But his e-mails always seem SO friendly, more than friendly. But I am probably reading into it a lot more than I should His last e-mail: xxxxx, I'm finding it really hard to deal with Oswald (the guinea pig). I guess I didn't realize how much he meant until this. Not only was he obviously lovable, but I feel like he was such a part of our history. I'm not really sure I'm doing a very good job of explaining how I feel. Maybe we can talk more about it on Friday. -xxxxx He called me by one of my nicknames. Like friends...or like old times? How can I keep doing this to myself? I looked at his Facebook, like the moron that I am. New pictures of him and his new girlfriend! Photo album by her called "the best guy ever"! They went out to eat in a really nice part of town with his parents this past weekend! Why is every day still a struggle for me? It's been six months. I feel so unworthy, so guilty, so ugly, so unlovable. I f*cked up royally. How could anyone ever love me again? Something has to end, but I'm not sure exactly what.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Something has to end, but I'm not sure exactly what. Contacting him. Checking his Facebook. Stopping yourself moving on whilst watching his life move on before your very eyes. It may feel like you're scratching and itch, but you're actually picking off a scab every time you contact, see him on Facebook, see how he spends his weekend with his new girl. Really, i bet you're not useless, ugly or unlovable. How can someone who had a guinea pig called Oswald be unlovable? You just feel that way because you've been rejected. I have a new project for you - its called the "Make Myself Better" program. It involves forcing yourself to stop checking on him and contacting him. It involves going out, reconnecting with friends and family. It involves concentrating on your appearance, looking your best every second of the day. And once you start putting your efforts into YOU instead of HIM, you'll see your spark returning. Leave him to your history. Hugs (())
Curious139 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Agreed. You must stop contacting him, looking for him on the net. This is all part of the healing process but it is also very hard. I'm still having to stop myself doing the same thing after 2 1/2 months. Look after yourself, treat yourself well - you are worth it.
Author the_otherhalf Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 I think I have been reconnecting with my friends and meeting new people. I only break down during those weird times where its too early or late to do something and I only have a few extra minutes before I need to do something else (like right now...). But you're exactly right, contact has to stop. It did stop over the summer, and I rewarded myself by purchasing The Sims 2 . I only started contacting him after he sent me a third e-mail saying that he would love to hear from me and that he still thinks about me. Whatever, he still has that new girl. Who ironically (or maybe not) has the same name and major as me. Cracks me up. I will still meet with him Friday (wow, tomorrow), but hopefully that will be the end of it. For the last time. REALLY, the last time. Thanks so much for your support.
Ormolu611 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Why is every day still a struggle for me? It's been six months. I feel so unworthy, so guilty, so ugly, so unlovable. I f*cked up royally. How could anyone ever love me again? Something has to end, but I'm not sure exactly what. Reading your post, is was striking to me how very well you described your situation, and how similar it is to my own. I too am 6 months out from my breakup. It was her birthday recently, and the silence was deafening. I am also guilty of looking her up on the web (MySpace) when I damn well know that I should be doing no such thing. I think that I was looking for some indication as to how she was handling everything. Well, I found out. Appears that she is seeing some guy who is way younger. She is in her early 30's like me and this guy is in his early 20's. As a matter of fact, he would have been 12 years old when me and my ex first got together back in the day. The advice in this thread is so true that by looking at Facebook, Myspace or whatever, you are watching their lives go by while yours stagnates. When I found this tidbit of info out I got so depressed that I almost puked. She clearly is over me. I am convinced that I was a good partner . . . what hurts is that she clearly does not share that sentiment. "You do not fulfill my needs", she said to me when we broke up. What the hell? In the words of a good friend, why do people confuse the addiction of needs with love? You either love someone or you don't. Maybe she just should have said, "I don't love you." I also know what you mean about breaking down during weird times. I know that it hurts. You have received excellent advice from both Curious139 and Je Ne Regrette Rien. Good luck.
Curious139 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Reading your post, is was striking to me how very well you described your situation, and how similar it is to my own. I too am 6 months out from my breakup. It was her birthday recently, and the silence was deafening. I am also guilty of looking her up on the web (MySpace) when I damn well know that I should be doing no such thing...... When I found this tidbit of info out I got so depressed that I almost puked. She clearly is over me........ Hi Ormolu I just wanted to say that I feel for you and offer a (manly) hug. You must have loved her very deeply to still be hurting after 6 months. I'm at the 2 1/2 month stage but I know I'll be thinking about her in 6 months and I'll still love her. Damn this is so hard. Anyway I think it is a credit to your emotional depth that you had such strong feelings and I'm sure you will find a valuable partner one day. Your posts here are well written and I consider you give sound advice. Keep it up.
MagnoliaJane Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 How could anyone ever love me again? Something has to end, but I'm not sure exactly what. Someone will surely love you again in the way you want to be loved. Are you making yourself ready to deal with the fact that that somebody may not be him?
Ormolu611 Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 Hi Ormolu I just wanted to say that I feel for you and offer a (manly) hug. You must have loved her very deeply to still be hurting after 6 months. I'm at the 2 1/2 month stage but I know I'll be thinking about her in 6 months and I'll still love her. Damn this is so hard. Anyway I think it is a credit to your emotional depth that you had such strong feelings and I'm sure you will find a valuable partner one day. Your posts here are well written and I consider you give sound advice. Keep it up. I really appreciate this. I know that this is a very difficult trial for everyone on this forum. I am really thankful for the opportunity to hear and to be heard here. Thanks . . . . . . . . .
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