lonely_blue Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 to be honest its still playing out. but i am over it now and have moved on.
ellastar Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 ...As a result you should at least be able to tell that person bluntly and honestly that its not working and that it NEVER will. My ex couldn't do it for me, she kept saying "Well maybe in two years time or whatever." Do yourself a favour, be blunt and honest, if not for yourself, for the other person.... gosh, sounds sooo familiar. i got the following line from my ex "it was a gut feeling, something i could not put into words. maybe I'll know in 2 or 3 months why." i told him it would be okay if he told me it was all too much for him, that he felt scared of a common future together, felt somehow too much pressure (and turning 30) but he would not admit this. it's like a toy one gets bored with - they cast it aside. one just does not know why, but one does it. at least when i dumped my ex (the one before him), i told him i had changed too much in my relationship with him and did not like who i became and that since he also never wanted to move back to the u.s., a promise he made when i moved to his country to be with him, i could not imagine staying here forever. ...I just don't see the point if someone decides that they no longer love you or want to be with you why would you need them to give you reasons, they'll probably just lie to avoid more drama. my ex gave me the usual "this was the best relationship I've ever had. we fit so well together. you're exactly the type of woman for me" lines, yet admitted it was a gut reaction to break it off with me. and of course i asked him why if he felt all these things would he want to end it? over the course of a few weeks, i asked him why again (we still lived together for nearly 2 months before I could move out. i avoided him as best i could, but sometimes crying in my room, i had to talk to him. to know why.) he behaved like a kid who did not want to explain themselves why they did what they did. they just shake their head and say "because that is the way it is". and this is how he behaved. after experiencing this twice, i gave up asking "why". so finally, during our last talk, before i moved out, he admitted he had looked for a good lie to make it easier for me to get over it and move on and to quite asking him "why"? and i thought, yes, it is good that it is over. after over 2 years together, moving to a new town, getting a new job, moving in with him, he had so little respect for me that he would rather lie than be honest with me about why he wanted to end it between us. i learned a lot about this man, the one i felt madly in love with, during this break-up and did not like what i saw. but since we never fought, we worked out any disagreements very harmoniously, and had a great relationship (to a point, i guess) etc., etc. it is hard for me to just take his lines and move on without really knowing why he did what he did. and knowing him, I'll never know. we're both adults, both same age and in the end, he turned out to be someone i never truly knew. i'll never be able to write a suitable end to this story. i will never have closure from him.
Curious139 Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 ...........but since we never fought, we worked out any disagreements very harmoniously, and had a great relationship (to a point, i guess) etc., etc. it is hard for me to just take his lines and move on without really knowing why he did what he did. and knowing him, I'll never know. we're both adults, both same age and in the end, he turned out to be someone i never truly knew. i'll never be able to write a suitable end to this story. i will never have closure from him. I feel for you and my own experience wasn't too different except I delayed leaving my wife so my love got sick of waiting and met a new man......... I cannot blame her for that, it was a perfectly natural thing to do. The only closure I've been able to accept - and did so from the first day - is that my ex is an honest woman and she did what she felt she needed to do. It is extremely hard on me, I loved her so much, but she is a good person and her decision was understandable even if I feel that she should have given me a final chance or an ultimatum or something. Ah......all of the "what ifs" the whys, the "if only I'd......."etc etc. If someone leaves us, that is their decision, for better or worse. We have to respect it hard as that is.
oppath Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 Well ellastar, understand there are no list of reasons why. Would you really want to hear "I am breaking up with you because a, b, c, ...x,y,z?" Feelings having changed, or feelings not progressing, or feeling like you aren't the right people for each other for a longer relationship are reasons for a breakup. The reasons behind those reasons typically are not valid, and if the dumper were to give them, a couple months down the line would realize "those were just excuses, I just wasn't feeling it anymore." If you breakup, it is broken, it is permanent, and that permanency should be reflected in the reasons: "my feelings changed; I don't feel we are right for each other; my gut says this isn't right; if I have doubts, it means we aren't right for each other," etc. Those real reasons often sound so impersonal that people won't give them, but they are better than "we are right for each other but I just need space to figure me out," or whatever.
Recommended Posts