niceguy27 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Ok. After almost 2 weeks since she said she wanted to "sort things out" we have been in contact a little here and there since then. Each time I never bring us up. Just little things here and there. Today she was going to come over and get some of her mail. Long story short, it forced me to talk to her on the phone. Small talk here and there about me being super busy and stuff. Same with her. Then I slipped. I said Im just gonna come out and say it. I miss you. "I miss you too. I do" from her. So I then asked if she wanted to hang out sometime, get drinks or whatever. She said to call her when I get out of work tonight to see if she feels like meeting up. She said she kind of wants to talk about whatever and touch base about things. I had written a letter a few nights back after I had gotten home from a nice little sabbatical away. Its basically a letter about her being a committment phobe (which is the underlying cause of our problem). I wanted to post it here just in case she brings us up and to see if I should read it to her. Let me know if this sounds too forward: ----------------------------------------------------------------- XXX, I have had a lot of time to try to understand what has happened to a seemingly wonderful journey that you and I were on. All I seemed to focus on was one question? Why? Why is xxx doing this? The answers ranged from you truly needing to establish own spot in this world, taking a breather from us, and the last, but hardest to understand, you had met someone else. Me being the analytical type, I of course wondered again; Why? Why look for someone els when it is going so good? Then it hit me. I believe now that for some reason you are afraid to admit and trust your own personal feelings. When you looked and saw just good things our between us, you started to question your feelings instead of trusting them. By doing that, you started to dwell on little negative reasons for us not to be together ie. freedom, no obligations, etc. By doing that you helped yourself push yourself away from me to make it easier to leave. Thats why deep down you felt you wanted me and us to have a future, but at the same time your distrust of those feelings caused you to become distant. So instead of focusing on the good, you focused on the bad and give me the "confused" and "space" line. But in reality, you had already given up on trusting yourself to make that decision based on your deep down feelings. You decided that if you focused on the negatives and found someone that reinforces that, it would be a whole lot easier to justify your actions. So this brings out a real deep issue with you. Your fear of committment. That is what is happening. For some reason, that is why you run when you are confronted with your deep down feelings. Sush as it is with us. You dont trust yourself enough to fully let go and embrace them. xxx, I can see it in your eyes when you look at me how you feel. I can feel it in your embrace and when we talk. So why fight that feeling? Are you scared that you may miss out on something? Life may pass you by? That there is something more? Well Im scared too. Everyone is scared of the future. Nobody knows what it will bring us. But have you thought of something else... What are you going to miss out on with us by leaving? Just think of the opposite of running away. Think of staying and just seeing how it works out? You seem so focused on what you may be missing out on that you may completely not see what you have right here and now. I believe this is the main reason for what has happened to us lately. When you were confronted with the possibility that we were in a committed, long term relationship, your distrust of your feelings caused you to shut down completely. Like a switch. That is why you were acting so distant the last couple weeks. And this is why I think you started hanging out with someone who is completely opposite of you. To reinforce your decision to turn away and leave. I know that this is a very big issue that you and I have never had to deal with until now. So I will ask you one time and one time only and will never bring it up again. Would you be willing to see a counselor/therapist about this? As a friend, I think that there a lot of things that you would like to and should get off your chest. Such as your mother and the relationship with your father over the years. This may be just the thing to help with that. xxx, You mean the world to me. i really believe deep down you and I are the happiest with each other. We accept each other for who they are and love each others faults. I love you and would do anything to be there for you in almost any way. I would never bring something like this up unless I had thought long and hard about it and thought it was the best thing to do. I am willing to fight to save us from fading into the past and seeing this to the end. ------------------------ If we meet up tonight, it will be the first time the two of us have really spent any time together in the last two weeks. Nonetheless actually talk about any of this.
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