joeyku Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I'm not going to name names here but I just want to get my feelings out right now since this is a very emotionally painful time for me... i dont mean to cry out to people... i just want my feelings heard... I was in a seemingly perfect relationship a while ago and it was one of the best, passionate, loving relationships of my entire life, never before have i felt this much love for someone, although at first i made a promise to myself to never EVER get so close to someone, but i ended up doing it anyways... but i was ready for so much that i forgot about myself and i just wanted more and more love, ive never felt so loved from someone my entire life, but this is what people call "clingy"... and people who get clinged seem to really not like it... and now ive made the biggest mistake of my entire life and never before have i felt so much pain and torment.... ive been going through mood swings, mental and emotional breakdowns, anxiety, and MASSIVE depression... and im having the toughest time letting go of this love... but i think of all the good things that happened during the relationship and i know i shouldnt... but it was the best time of my life, and now its gone... i feel very alone, hopeless... and i tried weird ways of getting the person back, which i should NOT have... it just drove her away... i would take back everything ive done if i could... i want to rewind time and start over again so that i wouldnt make those mistakes again.... ive had the strongest suicidal feelings lately, but i will not follow through with them... i know i will make it out of this pain, these wounds will still heal, but like all deep cuts, there will always be a scar... a scar i will never forget... i will never forget about the best thing thats ever happened to me, the best thing turned into the worst thing... i am sorry but i just happen to be a very very loving person who just wants to share love with someone... normal people think normally until a big issue come up in there life, then they start to NOT think normally... i dont want to hurt anymore, i dont want to feel this pain anymore... i dont know how long it will take, but i want to become independent again... i hate myself for doing this... im not sure if i could ever let myself get so close to someone ever again... i havent been myself lately... ive become someone whom i would like to beat the crap out of... i dont want to be this way anymore... but im confident that this will pass... i just wish it would pass now... the only thing i find happiness in now is my dreams... i dream of being with the person again... only to wake up in tears and sorrow... what have i become... i dont like this person... i dont want to hurt anymore... i just wish someone would hold me and be there for me... but it seems like no one will... but i do understand that the person that should be there for me should be no other then myself, i should be able to support myself especially in situations like this... i did some stupid things during the relationship, ive said some stupid unnecessary things during it... im just so starved for love and affection... because ive never felt love b4 in my life and thats why when i felt love from the person, i could not let go... i got "clingy"... but when i put myself in the persons shoes in this situation.. i do not blame the person one bit for everything she is doing... i have tried to get back with her again... but i simply just scared her in the process, which was the last thing i wanted to do... i cry everyday wishing that i could have treated her better, and i regret asking a certain question to her, im just full of love and i want to share it with someone... someone who will treat me with the same amount of love that i treat her... im here to love, im just a very loving person... since i lacked a lot of love and affection growing up... i just wish i had someone here to hold and comfort... but now i feel very hopeless and alone... financial issues are arising in my family again.. this time i have no one to hold on to... i wish i had someone to love and charish... im sorry for being so loving... ive done a lot of stupid stuff lately to try to make things right for myself again... ive been impatient... i havent been listening to everyone's advice... i cant seem to just get a grip... i know i just need time to heal from this... but it is the hardest thing ive ever tried to do in my life....... some people look at me in a semi-frightened way now because of my desperate attempt to get her back... i failed...
Curious139 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 You've done the right thing writing it all down and posting here. That is a really positive step. I'd suggest you keep a journal or set up a blog, and each day, several times a day if you want, you write down your thoughts and feelings. This is a very therapeutic thing to do. I think you are on the right path because you realise that when heartbroken, you don't hink normally. We are all like that. Forgive yourself, it wasn't the normal you.
Author joeyku Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 thank you... i wrote this on my myspace blog too... www.myspace.com/yevannrealm... the relationship was so promising, and it seems like shes happy now, but i pretty much saved her from killing herself b4... but i guess things change... i kept on trying to get to her but she ended up just saying that we shouldnt even talk anymore... i was about to settle as just friends with her... until that happened... i wonder if shell ever miss me...
sedgwick Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 No offense, but this is not reader-friendly. Paragraphs would help, and periods instead of ...! That said, please, if you are feeling suicidal, find a therapist! Are you in therapy?
Author joeyku Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 i asked her to marry me... shes 15 and im 18... i guess that was pretty bad... and after we broke up i kept calling her alot... then i started talking to her friends about her alot... and somehow it "creeped her out"...
Curious139 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 i asked her to marry me... shes 15 and im 18... i guess that was pretty bad... and after we broke up i kept calling her alot... then i started talking to her friends about her alot... and somehow it "creeped her out"... Quite understandable when you are deeply hurt but nevertheless not a good idea. You will never get someone back by crowding them, chasing them. She is very young and feels vulnerable. You need to keep away from her - no contact. This will allow you to heal, it just takes time. Good luck.
Author joeyku Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 an update!! shes pissed at me and says that she doesnt want anything to do with me ever again... so she can go smoke some more crack for all i care
Theorem Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 you are young but the thing is here, she is VERY young!! not to say she is incapable of love but more likely incapable of a LASTING relationship. You shouldnt place the blame solely on yourself. its very normal for younger teens to get smothered easily because the have the need to be free and unbound and their perception of love is very narrow minded.
kirikat Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 i asked her to marry me... shes 15 and im 18... i guess that was pretty bad... and after we broke up i kept calling her alot... then i started talking to her friends about her alot... and somehow it "creeped her out"... You THINK? The fact it creeped her out is a testiment to her good sense. You do realize you can get arrested, 15 is below the age of consent? You need to talk to your parents, and get into therapy NOW. Your behavior, as expressed here, is really scary, and you sound awfully dangerous to me. My 15 year old would certainly not be allowed near you.
Travis L Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 some people look at me in a semi-frightened way now because of my desperate attempt to get her back... i failed... Hopefully you will learn from this experience and just walk away the next time someone breaks up with you.... Seriously, remember to just WALK AWAY! It will save yourself a lot of grief and jail time... Her friends, family, work, etc...are all off limits unless she expressly says otherwise! Remember also, threatening to do bodily harm to yourself to try and win someone back NEVER works.. In fact, it takes your chances of getting her back from about 25% to -25% in a New York minute. Thirdly, I know it seems like your whole world has changed and you can never love again...this too will pass. You'll soon find some other girl (hopefully 18+ this time) that is more concerned with what you can bring to a relationship than is concerned with boys having "cooties". Live and learn, my friend. Go through these pages and pages of advice and learn at your age so you're not 50 saying, "What in the hell have I done?"
Author joeyku Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 kirikat apperently you dont know the entire situation
Author joeyku Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 You THINK? The fact it creeped her out is a testiment to her good sense. You do realize you can get arrested, 15 is below the age of consent? You need to talk to your parents, and get into therapy NOW. Your behavior, as expressed here, is really scary, and you sound awfully dangerous to me. My 15 year old would certainly not be allowed near you. hey man, look, apperently you dont understand the situation correctly... and please dont mistake me for some mental patient pedofile, that is definitaly not what i am i would like some more helpful feedback then accusational and flaming feedback
Double D Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 My motto in life is 'Know thy self' Really try and get to know yourself fully. The good and bad. Search deep within yourself and when you come out the other end refreshed and enlightened that is the start of your life. Please keep posting mate.
Recommended Posts