Jdancer21 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 So as usual i've been doing some thinking about my life and where it's going. I'm at a point in my life where I need to get serious about my education my career and my skills. As you may or may not know i basically listened to the wrong crowd and changed myself completely to be this person that I thought everyone would like... turns out half of them all hate me.. well no... not me.. but the person that I present myself to be.. I've been fake about who I am for about a good.. 5 years.. and now that i've realized that I truely wasn't meant to be that person.. i'm kinda just blank. This has affected me in dating because I really don't have a clear idea of who I am.. I mean, I have an idea of who I think I am but i'm not suire. In dates or when getting to know someone, I think, because i'm so used to being someone else.. that I act like a certain way and hope for the best. Which doesn't work. With the whole weight loss thing, it's gotten to the point where I could talk to the world about opera, music, theatre to the point where all I can talk about is my weight, my image, how I can't get a boyfriend because of it. I hate this about me, I would love to be the genuine person that I once was.. that I felt was who... but because I listened to someone who is probably doing absolutely nothing in their lives but the same old ****, i've lost it. As for a boyfriend.....well.. My lord i've been thinking about this. I think a main problem why I was so miserable was because when I was around people who had someone and would talk about them I felt like I had to put on this show, like "I don't need a man.. besiodes I got too much to do anyway.. I'm fine without a man." It's like I feel like my friends look down on my for being single.. like i'm not good enough. In reality, that isn't the case, most of the time they are probably wondering why i'm still single.. hell, half of the guys that are my friends pretty much told me if they were single they would date me (I think they are saying that to make me feel better.)To say that I don't want a relationship would be an absolute lie, but it's getting to the point where me trying to find a man is distracting me and depressing me and is distracting me what I want to do. My fear is to be 30 and still going through this.. doing something mediocre with my career when i could've done something bigger if I just focused. I guess when it all comes down to it, I want a relationship but i need to get to the point where I know I don't need it to live my life and to do the things I need to do. That's a F*cuking hard concept. I however do believe that not everyone was meant to be with anyone.. and I think that might be me. I say that because people always say "you're time will come" and eventually it could get to the point when you are 50 and your time still hasn't come... there's only so many times you can say that. I also stopped trying to predict the future, I don't know when i'll find someone, or lose my virginity.. it could be the next 5 minutes... or it could be the next 5 years.. only time will tell. I'm sick of feeling like a god damn charity case because i'm single, I don't want people to pat my back and go "Aww, it's ok your time will come" . I don't know anymore... I just don't
magda Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Have you ever done goal-making exercises? They've helped me before when i was feeling like you are now and might help you focus on what changes need to be made instead of all the noise in the brain. Basically, make specific goals, write them down, write down an action plan for achieving the goal, write down any obstacles to achieving them, write down solutions to those obstacles. Focus on what is to be done and forget all the stuff about what people are thinking of you or not thinking of you, etc.
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