niceguy27 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 okay. my ex is coming ove rto soon to get some mail. we are currently on a break and havent seen each other in a week. do i just play it cool and shrug her off when i give it to her? act like nothing is wrong? im really nervous. were not supposed to see each till next week to touch base and see what up.
Ormolu611 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I am assuming that you were not the one who initiated the dump? If you did not and she did, just act casually as if you are completely okay with the break. Be polite, but rather detached without putting any type of pressure on her at all. Don't let her see you sweat. Keep it brief. This is assuming that you guys "just drifted apart." If you did something inappropriate, rude, or disrespectful that caused the break, then apologize sincerely . . . really sincerely, then back off and let her breath. Of course, all this is assuming that you want her back.
Author niceguy27 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Yes I do want to work things out with her. I am already at work so what do I tell her to do? She has a key and asked to come over and get it. I dont want to be a jerk and hold her stuff but then again I dont want her just walking in and out like nothing has happened. What should I say when I call her back?
Author niceguy27 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 So she finally called to find out about getting her mail. I told her I would like to be there and she said fine. So then the conversation turned to just what I did not want to happen. I asked her how things were. Said I have been keeping busy with my friends and stuff. She said that nice. So then I ask her how things going with her. She says good. Doing the same thing. Keeping busy. I then broke the cardinal rule.... I said I miss talking with her and stuff. That was all I said. Not whiny or needy, just kind of nonchalant. She then opens up and says "I miss you too. I do." Then I tell her hey if you want, we can hang out sometime or just wait till next week when were supposed to touch base. She says, "Maybe tonight we can. I kind of want to talk about where things are at." But then in the same sentence she says, "I'm torn if we should wait it out or what." So...I am going to call her when I get out of work tonight and see what shes doing. Should I just tell her, "You know what, I actually have plans tonight. Maybe we should reschedule some other time." ????? What to do. What to do.
Ormolu611 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Yes I do want to work things out with her. I am already at work so what do I tell her to do? She has a key and asked to come over and get it. I dont want to be a jerk and hold her stuff but then again I dont want her just walking in and out like nothing has happened. What should I say when I call her back? Well, what justification would you use for holding her stuff if she does decide to "walk in and out like nothing has happened."? Would you hold her stuff because you want to talk to her? What if she does not want to talk with you at this point? You can't force her. If she does not want to talk at this point, do not push her to do so. She knows how much you feel for her, you do not need to beat a dead horse. Pull away from her as much as she pulls away from you. I know this seems to be contrary to what makes sense when you want to get back together with someone. The thing is, when someone decides to leave you, you cannot influence their decision to stay. To do so would be seen as being manipulative. It took me forever to learn this. You have to step back and let them come to their own unadulterated decision. Yes, it is hard because the decision may be that they do indeed end up leaving you forever. But you can't try to influence her because you will eventually fail even if you momentarily succeed. Simply try your best to move on and do not wait for her. Do not expect her to come back. Try to accept as soon as possible that it is over. This way, if she does decide to come back, it will be a bonus of sorts - provided you are not over her by then. Then you can start over if you wish. Why do we (myself included) ever want to be with someone who does not see the value in us? This realization that someone you love does not return the sentiment hurts, but do not make it worse by trying to make them guilty, jealous, or trying to manipulate the situation in any way. All you will end up with is a situation in which they still don't love you and resent you too for not letting them go. What to say to her you ask? Ask her what she wants to do and what would be most convenient for her. Do not inconvenience yourself though.
directx Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Oh, screw all this crap. The way I would play it? Find out what time she is coming over and before hand watch the funniest movie you can find (or, if you can laugh by acting (I can't), do that). Then, when she comes to get the mail, play it super casual and hold in a laugh with a big smile. That would drive them nuts and you will appear to have all the control in the world. SHe'll be like 'What the F is so funny?' and you can be like 'Nothing! (giggle). Is there anything else you need?' And when they close the door behind them you can burst out laughing so they can hear it as they leave. But only do this if you are a professional. Oh, that is so much fun...
Ormolu611 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 So she finally called to find out about getting her mail. I told her I would like to be there and she said fine. So then the conversation turned to just what I did not want to happen. I asked her how things were. Said I have been keeping busy with my friends and stuff. She said that nice. So then I ask her how things going with her. She says good. Doing the same thing. Keeping busy. I then broke the cardinal rule.... I said I miss talking with her and stuff. That was all I said. Not whiny or needy, just kind of nonchalant. She then opens up and says "I miss you too. I do." Then I tell her hey if you want, we can hang out sometime or just wait till next week when were supposed to touch base. She says, "Maybe tonight we can. I kind of want to talk about where things are at." But then in the same sentence she says, "I'm torn if we should wait it out or what." So...I am going to call her when I get out of work tonight and see what shes doing. Should I just tell her, "You know what, I actually have plans tonight. Maybe we should reschedule some other time." ????? What to do. What to do. Sorry that I missed your follow up post. I would suggest not playing games with her. If she wants to talk, then maybe you should talk. If she is not sure what she wants to do at that point, give her space, whether she asks for it or not.
Author niceguy27 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Thanks for the advice. She has been really honest with me during all this. If she comes out and says she would like to talk, your right. I'll talk too. I will let her make the decision. So if she tells me later tonight that she doesnt really feel like touching on the subject, I wont push and play it cool. On a side note, I would never hold her stuff like that. Guys that do that are asking to get it thrown back at them and have it backfire.
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