CAT100 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Ok I totally forgot about this when telling my story but thought it was relevant and also have the above question. When I met my MMs W, she told me that he had only been back at the family home for 6 months, as before that he had moved out to be with his OW at the time! He was living with OW at the time for about 8-9months, & then moved back to family home because it didnt work out. W said she hadnt pressured him into returning, he was still seeing his kids all the time, OW lived near them & let him see his kids daily. W also told me that this OW had kids & kicked her husband out to let my MM move in! So basically, as he has left before, does this mean he is more likely to do it again? Or less likely? Or does it make no difference?
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 And after knowing about your MM and his past behaviour, you still want him in your life? He's a liar, a cheat and bounces from wife, to OW, to wife and then to O-OW! What if he really did leave his wife for good...And came to you. Ask yourself this, HOW LONG would it be before he started cheating on you, finding another woman?
Cinabon Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 This might be a thread jack. But no one is an open and shut case. PEOPLE CAN CHANGE.
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Only if they WANT to change. Her MM has had OW before, left his wife, gone back to his wife...Now, CAT is the OW, and he is still married....
Cinabon Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 But what if CAT is the OW that he wants to change with.
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Then time will tell, won't it...His actions NOT his words, will show it. I honestly wouldn't trust him if I were in her shoes. I would end it, stay away until HE had time alone to fix himself, and end his marriage, go to counselling and LEARN to change his behaviour completely. The longer she stays the OW in his life, the less he'll DO to change his ways.
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Are you comparing your situation with CAT's? Just wondering..
Cinabon Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I havent even mentioned my case. Y are you bringing that into it?
norajane Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 But what if CAT is the OW that he wants to change with. After 5 years of affair with CAT, he's had plenty of time to 'change' with/for her. But, he's still with his wife, and they just moved to another country to run the business his wife invested in by mortgaging her house. Odds are, the only thing he might 'change' is OW's, since CAT is his second OW (that we know of) and he is still married.
annabelle75 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Yes. If he has left once to be with an OW, he is more likely to do it again. Also, if he then went back to his W after several months he is more likely to do it again.
Author CAT100 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 When I met his W she said that their marriage had been going downhill for some time & she saw the OW at the time as a symptom not a cause of a broken/ breaking marriage. I do not see the fact that he has had prior OW as reason to distrust him- I know he met this OW after his marrige had gone downhill & he & his W were sleeping in separate rooms (his W verified this) He said to me that he married the wrong person & in me he has found the right one. Clearly his marriage has been in trouble for years as Im not the first OW & his W even told me in person that she only wanted him there for the kids The other OW that he met already had her own house which he moved straight into, whereas I still live at home & am financially unable to move out. I know if I had my own house Id have asked him to move in years ago & if he didnt do it I would have ended it His relationship with the OW ended for other reasons not related to his W, the relationship just didnt work out. When he told his W that OW was kicking him out she said he could move back in, be a father to the kids & continue the separate sleeping arrangements (again this was told to me by her face to face) I guess if & when he moves out Ill still be worried that he'll go back, I will worry until the divorce is final to be honest. However, I know that last time he didnt go back due to pressure from his W- it was because the relationship with OW just wasnt that great. I hope I am the 'right person' and if and when he lives with me he will settle. He says I am his ideal life partner & he wishes he'd met me before he married & both him & his W have stated to me that they got married for the wrong reasons, mainly because she was pregnant & marriage was rushed into as it was thought best to bring up the kids as a married couple not a co habiting couple
norajane Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I do not see the fact that he has had prior OW as reason to distrust him- I know he met this OW after his marrige had gone downhill & he & his W were sleeping in separate rooms (his W verified this) He said to me that he married the wrong person & in me he has found the right one. Clearly his marriage has been in trouble for years as Im not the first OW & his W even told me in person that she only wanted him there for the kids If his marriage was going downhill long before you, he should have left the marriage before his other affair, and certainly after his other OW. But, he went back to his wife. And now it's been 5 years since you and he started your affair, and he is STILL married and will continue to be so since they moved away together with their family. That he has a bad marriage and has multiple affairs and STILL stays with his wife is why you should distrust him.
Art_Critic Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I hope I am the 'right person' and if and when he lives with me he will settle. He says I am his ideal life partner & he wishes he'd met me before he married & both him & his W have stated to me that they got married for the wrong reasons, mainly because she was pregnant & marriage was rushed into as it was thought best to bring up the kids as a married couple not a co habiting couple Not likely.. you are being sold a bill of goods... He is lying to you.. You don't think he has said those same exact words to the other women in his life from the past ?.. his wife ?.. his other OW(s).. What you are missing is the fact that he is a serial cheater.. he will not change.. his stories will however continue to get better and better and more believable until one day you will be sitting there face in hands not believing how much of your life you wasted on such a dishonest man.. and how much of a fool you will feel like when you find out there are many many more that the OTHER OW.. Serial cheaters have more than one or 2.. Hell. they cheat on their OW's with other OW's...
herenow Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 This MM has it all. A wife that will take him back and give him the security of a home life when he wants it, and a OW on the side that is willing to wait. He even has the freedom to try out different OW to see what works for him. My answer to the question asked is that he will do whatever he wants as long as the women in his life are willing to put up with it. I'm sure things would be very different if his wife decided that she has had enough of his games and left him (one can only hope). As long as he knows that she will take him back "to be a father to his kids", then he has nothing to lose. It's very clear that the OP is willing to wait for him to leave, so nothing at risk there. Seems like he is in complete control with no reason to make any kind of decisions.
Author CAT100 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 ^ I see what you're saying. I have always seen it as he has gone back to the kids not his W. He has said to me numerous times that when he leaves he'll be leaving the kids not her. He is a very active father, very involved with the kids, is their main care giver so to speak. His W has said to me that hes a great dad & when he moved back she was happy for the kids to have their dad back; she didnt see it as getting her husband back. So I am not really worried about her, she has made her feelings about why she wants him clear. I am hugely worried about the hold his kids have over him, but when we've talked he said that his previous OW & W let him see the kids all the time so he can deal with not living with them as long s he lives near & his new partner (me) doesnt have a problem with him seeing the kids a lot. I know his W will let him see them as she has before, & it works out better for her as she finds them a little 'unmanageable' anyway I do agree that he should have just left the marriage ages ago, but he and his W are civil to each other,no big rows, have a good working relationship as regards the house, parenting ect & he said that until he met the first OW he was willing to settle for being in the family unit but not being happily married.
SillyScissors Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 If his marriage was going downhill long before you, he should have left the marriage before his other affair, and certainly after his other OW. But, he went back to his wife. And now it's been 5 years since you and he started your affair, and he is STILL married and will continue to be so since they moved away together with their family. That he has a bad marriage and has multiple affairs and STILL stays with his wife is why you should distrust him. Maybe he just got done painting the house and likes the color. Let him enhoy his handy work. You BS's always have to take the fun out of things.
Author CAT100 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 [quote=herenow;1307844 It's very clear that the OP is willing to wait for him to leave, so nothing at risk there. Seems like he is in complete control with no reason to make any kind of decisions. Ok I am waiting for the time being, but my deadline is next summer. I can find out for myself if the lease on the house here has been extended or not & if it has then Im totally gone. He has about 11 months & then its either move in with me or not. If not then thats it, Ive stuck this out in the hope of not being the OW at some point. Im not going to accept being the OW as a permanant situation whatsoever
SillyScissors Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 The brooms must be in the shop. I heard feather dusters are go also
herenow Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Ok I am waiting for the time being, but my deadline is next summer. I can find out for myself if the lease on the house here has been extended or not & if it has then Im totally gone. He has about 11 months & then its either move in with me or not. If not then thats it, Ive stuck this out in the hope of not being the OW at some point. Im not going to accept being the OW as a permanant situation whatsoever Even if he moved out his wife and kids would still need a place to live, and if he is such a good father, he would certainly make sure they were taken care of. If he didn't extend the lease, where would they live? It would be so sad if the kids had their father move out and had to move out of their house at the same time. No matter what, they need a place to live, so there is nothing stopping him from moving in with you now. Based on the past, his wife isn't going to stop him from seeing his kids, so he has nothing to lose. Since you live at home, you would need to find a new place anyway. Why are you waiting?
TogetherForever Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Ok I am waiting for the time being, but my deadline is next summer. I can find out for myself if the lease on the house here has been extended or not & if it has then Im totally gone. He has about 11 months & then its either move in with me or not. If not then thats it, Ive stuck this out in the hope of not being the OW at some point. Im not going to accept being the OW as a permanant situation whatsoever CAT100, I stuck it out for about a year, I'm glad I did!! TF
herenow Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I am hugely worried about the hold his kids have over him, but when we've talked he said that his previous OW & W let him see the kids all the time so he can deal with not living with them as long s he lives near & his new partner (me) doesnt have a problem with him seeing the kids a lot. I'm hugely worried about this comment. Kids don't have a hold over their parents. Parents are responsible for their kids. This attitude about his kids having a "hold" over him sickens me a bit.
SillyScissors Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 CAT100, I stuck it out for about a year, I'm glad I did!! TF You stuck ???????????? EWWW. I wash after
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