woodsfield Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 my wife lost her grandmother last week in an aweful accident. she was 78 but had lots of life left in her, and the family is taking it kind of hard. my wife also lost her father some 15 years ago when she was 13. she thought he was drinking again and up to the present day, she cannot decide if she loves him or hates him. this has fueled many arguements and i sometimes feel that she dislikes some things that i do because of him; only natural, i guess. anyways, she copes with these things "privately" or silently and does not involve me. we all deal with stuff differently, especailly the loss of a loved one, but i feel frustrated that i can not help her. i want to be the shoulder to cry on, the one who wipes the tears from her eyes and the one she confides in. it does not happen. these are all selfish desires, it seems, but i really would like to help her and get nothing but resentment for the most part. i don't know...i mean, i hate for her to have to go it alone, but that maybe the way she copes and nothing will change that. i will do what i did this weekend and just be there, hug her and tell her how much i love her. that's all i know what to do.
Lyssa Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I'm sorry for you and your wife's loss... As long as you're always there to comfort her and that she knows you will always be there.. then I'm sure she will be fine. Did you try to talk to her? Tell her that you're sad to see her go through all that alone and that you would like her to share her pain with you...
Author woodsfield Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 I'm sorry for you and your wife's loss... As long as you're always there to comfort her and that she knows you will always be there.. then I'm sure she will be fine. Did you try to talk to her? Tell her that you're sad to see her go through all that alone and that you would like her to share her pain with you... thank you.... yeah, i've asked her that and she says she doesn't want me to have to deal with it, too. she gets a bit defensive about it; "do i need help with it?!" she asks angerly. so, i try to steer clear, but be there for her at the same time.
directx Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I agree with Lyssa. Just try to talk with her, without pressure. I would ask from time to time. People deal with grief differently. When my father passed, I was at peace with it before he went (he was dying for many months). I wasn't blown away when he passed, nor did I care to talk about it. It's not that it bothers me, it's just not me. I think you are doing the right thing. Just let her deal with things her way.
Lyssa Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 YUp, Directx is right. Diff people deal with grief differently. When I lost my best friend of 14 years, I went shopping. I was acting like nothing was wrong. Then I would stay in my room and cry. That lasted like a week... after that I was fine. Check on her from time to time and don't forget to give her lots of hugs!!
Author woodsfield Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 THANKS, YA'LL! i'm good at giving hugs!
AriaIncognito Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 It sounds to me like youre doing everything you can. Kudos to you for wanting to be there and being there for her. Eventually, if she wants your help, so to speak, she'll come to you for it, since I'm sure she knows you're there for her. Continue on as you have been, you seem to be doing just fine.
Author woodsfield Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 just started another thread about it, but response there. i lost my job yesterday and will have very hard time telling my wife because of her loss. did not tell her yesterday and dont plan on doing so tonight, for her sake. i will tell her when i don't have to leave the next day and leave her her alone. is this diceitful or is it for her own good?? very frustrating two weeks, for sure.
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