coffee_addict Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Hey all You have all helped me a few times on this problem in the past, so im hoping some new advice/opinions could be given now that the situation has changed. Thanks in advance to anyone who replies Ok well backstory, met this friend about 2 and a half years ago, over about the first 4 months we became best friends. Then about 7 months after that, i realised i was 'in love' with him, and idolised him, etc etc. He took advantage of this, basically him telling me what to do and me doing it, i never had any power to tell him anything, it was more of him telling me when we were going to meet up and things, and me just going 'yeah thats fine ill move stuff around so i can see you!' Later on in our friendship things became really bad, lots of fights and i got really upset because i kept thinking he hated me and wasnt really my friend and all this. So basically, i met a guy and we started going out, and since then my love for my best mate has gone away.....kinda. It much less anyway. He moved away for the summer and came home lots of times to see his girlfriend and his other best mate (who had been away in Thailand) but never once saw me. This upset me. Recently when he had text me i didnt reply because i basically thought 'f*** you.' but now hes home and things are getting all for me again; we talked last night on msn for the first time in absolutely ages. he had texted me last week saying he wanted to meet up, and i sed i cudnt and what about this week instead, so i was keen to arrange something when we talked last night. Basically it was just a bit awkward for me, i went back to sitting there waiting for him to reply and getting a bit if it took more than a few mins, getting really worried hed just decided to go to bed without saying bye if he went offline (like when he was d/c), and then eventually after getting d/c and coming back a few times he stopped replying, so i texted him, but he never replied to that either, altho he seemed very annoyed that i didnt reply to his last week. It just seems like he doesnt want to talk to me now, when we havent talked for ages. If his internet truly did break and he cudnt reply, he cud of replied to the text, u know? I dont want to play games anymore with him, they tire me out and im just sick of them. I want to reply to each others texts, and be comfortable with him, instead of all this insecurity and worrying. Last night i just wanted to be able to talk to my best friend like the old times, and it seems thats not possible. I really miss how great our friendship used to be. Also he put me from 6th to 1st on his bebo, which dont get me wrong i aint complaining but just said 'no reason' when i asked him why... Just.....argh Whats goin on? What does he want? Am i like a little toy he can mess around with coz its fun? He seems a bit annoyed by the fact that i have moved on and have a boyfriend now, even if i havent moved on as much as i tell him. I dont think ive written this at all well! If anyone has any questions to clarify the situation for them or advice/comments it really would be appreaciated, im at my wits end.
birdie Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 it sounds to me like you have to take control over your emotions. you get really anxious over this guy. why is that? why do you feel that you have to go along with what he says instead of setting your terms? I can't really tell from here but sounds to me like you never told him that his terms didn't always suit you. how is he supposed to know that? you give him all the control - but it doesn't really suit you to wait for him to respond because you start worrying. maybe he is playing games - in which case it's bad news and you should get him out of your head. on the other hand, maybe you should be more assertive with him
Author coffee_addict Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 i dont know why, for example if anyone else goes offline i assume they got d/c - with my friend i think ive said something wrong and he hates me. i sometimes told him that his terms didnt suit what i was doing, but it was sort of like 'i can meet u on this day, at this time, for this long, and if u cant do it then ok' so because i wanted to see him i wud move things around for him. he texted me this morning and said he fell asleep last night.....i feel silly im a worryer, i worry about everything, and everything stresses me out.
birdie Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I worry as well so I completely understand you. he doesn't come across flexible for sure but then maybe there is a reason. I just think if he makes you feel this way then maybe you need someone who is a bit more re-assuring? somebody a bit nicer who can relate to how you feel about things like this. there are a lot of men out there that are better at talking than he is.
Author coffee_addict Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 lol thanks birdie luckily my boyfriend is the complete opposite to him, altho my mate screwed me up a lot with messing me about so its hard to overcome that when im with my boyfriend as i dont know any different than being told one thing and then having another happen. that really does my head in lol, why do people say one thing and do another? anyway lol, my boyfriend understands i need reassuring sometimes, wheras my friend always got annoyed when i needed reassuring, which is sometimes understandable because i did use to ask him 'are we really best mates?' 'do u hate me?' so it probs got annoyin lol. also hes just forgotten when my birthday is, and ive known him 2 and a half years
birdie Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 well the birthday thing doesn't surprise me, I don't expect my male friends to remember and I am pleasantly surprised when they do
justice Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 He sounds like a control freak to me. Best for you if you just cut all ties, until he gets his priorities straight. Don't let him ruin your relationship with the new guy.
Author coffee_addict Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 i guess thats a typical thing for guys to do lol, the birthday thing, but my only real male friend i have other than this guy is gay, and ive known him for 8 years, so i just expect people to remember stuff like my birthday i guess lol hes the most vain, self confident guy in the world, loves himself completely. but he had a messed up childhood and things like that, so u know when u think someone is putting on a front? like being over confident to hide the fact that theyre really unconfident inside? i try to be there for him in all instances, whether hes being a twat (excuse my french) or is upset about somrthing, whatever side hes showing. im having a lot of doubts about my boyfriend at the moment, and the fact that i still love my best friend doesnt help. i went out for drinks with both of them last night, my best mate was groomed to perfection and in a smart shirt, and my boyfriend arrived with his hair cut so short that it looked silly and in an old tshirt, and u know when u just think.... last night was hard, my best mate was off flirting with some girl and it just wasnt at all good :(:( im moving away back up to uni in a week and a half and i doubt ill see or hear much from my best mate while im away. good job really. why does all of my life seem to go wrong at once lol? im trying to: get over my best friend / cope with still being in love with my best friend / fall in love with my boyfriend / analyse why im having doubts about my boyfriend / get ready for university / keep my friends that seem to have disappeared / get thinner coz im way overweight / worry about the fact i have no job / stress that i have no money / get through each day without imploding
Recommended Posts