relearning2breath Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 So im not going to rehash my whole story. But basically the jist is: ex and I ended a 2.5 year relationship in June. He immediatley started talkin to this one girl we'll call her "1" all the while still flirting with me calling me his best friend etc. After a month or so they broke it off and almost immediatley he started dating a new girl "2" as soon as this occured and my heart couldnt possibly withstand anymore anguish & heartbreak...I finally listened to the advice of LS and started NC. I have been successfully NC since the beginning of august. I actually had a celebratory 1 month moment last week. So heres the bad news... Late late Saturday nite he IM's me. I dont respond to hello. He then says "i guess you're still not talkin to me...ttyl i guess" then he says "I still wanna pay you back the $ I owe you" (he owes me $700) i decided to respond to that and just tell him not to worry about it and to let it go. He said was I sure and I said yes. So i thought done with the convo. But then he proceeds to tell me that hes been really sick lately (hes had a few kidney transplants) and that its been making him think. He then says he wants to apologize to me for how he handled the break up and that he knows he made a mess of things. He said that he hoped one day I would be able to forgive him and be his friend. I told him that I didnt know. That I still had a lot of hurt and resentment and that at this point in time I couldnt be his friend. The next morning (yesterday), he broke it off with "2" they had been dating for about a month at this point. I was in NC but mutual friends told me that he said he was so in love with her yada yada yada. And I guess they felt the need to share that information with me. o joy. just what i wanted to know. So he im's me literally like 20 min ago. He's drunk. Just got home from some place and starts telling me how much of a f*ck up he is etc. I fall right back into my make him feel better spot that I have just perfected so well (sarcasm should be noted) He then proceeds to tell me how he really liked girl "1" (remember her form the beginning of this long thread?) and that he was stupid and pushed her away because he was scared and thought he wasnt good enough for her (but im glad I was good enough apparently) and how he wants her back and misses her etc. So for some reason not being able to be the complete B*tch i should have been, I tell him that if he wants her to apologize for blowing her off and pushing her away and fight for her. He said he tried last night and that she said she just wanted to be friends. I told him I didnt kno what to tell him and that maybe she wasnt ready to date him (some kinda distance issue) Ok back to me finally...idk how the heck i got myself into this mess! And i honestly dont know where to go from here. Somehow ive reverted back to being his confidante and he's pulling on my heart strings. He knows im a ms. fixit and a part of me really wants to help him and make him feel better. I dont want him to hurt (darnit ive hurt enough for the 2 of us) and I just dont wanna see him in pain like I was/am. Idk just someone tell me what to do!
Travis L Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Ok back to me finally...idk how the heck i got myself into this mess! And i honestly dont know where to go from here. Somehow ive reverted back to being his confidante and he's pulling on my heart strings. He knows im a ms. fixit and a part of me really wants to help him and make him feel better. I dont want him to hurt (darnit ive hurt enough for the 2 of us) and I just dont wanna see him in pain like I was/am. Idk just someone tell me what to do! The cold hard truth is that you know what you should do... Step away, block his #, block his emails, block him on AIM, everything. Yes, it would be a little cold-hearted, yes-bitchy.. But what really matters is your sanity and emotional well-being. At the bare minimum tell him that it's not right for you to have to be put in the middle of it... I recently fell into the confidant role with my ex (we were together for 4 years before she left me [one week prior to me proposing]). The only difference in our stories is that there was no #2. She had dated this guy, he ended up treating her like crap after a month and she left him. She got all sad and cried in my arms asking me what she should do... UGH, I love the crazy b*tch (I use that term affectionately for her, and she agrees with the implications) and she is going to come into my arms and ask what she should do? Hello? I love you and want you back and you are asking me what you should do about this piece of crap? I, of course, did the "right" thing and told her to follow her heart. He told her that he had no feelings for her and then the next day told her that he wants to take things slow. After 3 nights of the ex staying at my place it abruptly ends and she is now at his place again. I AM BACK TO DAY 1 (well, maybe like day 14) AFTER 3 MONTHS OF GETTING MYSELF TOGETHER!!! UGH, sorry to spill my story but seriously, if you want him as anything more than a friend than you need to tell him you need time and space away from him. Only when you want nothing more than him as a friend will you be qualified to give him relationship advice. You and I are the "nice guys and gals" of the world and we have a savior complex... We cannot lose our sanity and well being to help an ex when HE/SHE leaves! Back off, shut him down, etc... If he wants to work on you and him then by all means he can contact you. Other than that, he should be informed that you will let him know when you are ready to be friends (if that time ever comes). He wanted out, he got out, now he can't come back to you with HIS problems as they are not your concern anymore (even if you feel they are). Helping him would do YOU more harm than it would benefit HIM (keep that in mind)!!! If you are like I was, then this will probably go on deaf ears and you will still try to help him (helping is a part of who we are)... PLEASE, don't!!!! At least not right now... clear your mind of him...remind yourself of all the bad parts of him!!!
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