uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Love Shack has been such a nice place to hang lately. I'll miss it when I start to get a life again. I have to admit, it's become a little addictive. Anyway...here goes...... I wrote about some guy I initiated contact with on the personals yesterday. I NEVER initiate contact with anyone on the personals and I've explained why. But I wasn't searching for anyone. It's just that I updated my profile and they showed me my matches and this one showed up as 100% match and it was right there on my screen so looked at it and liked it. I wasn't going to do anything about it but then I thought I'd say "hi" because we shared a similar love of a sport. That's all I said was that I figured I'd say hi since he was also of fan of X. I didn't really think I'd hear back....we're not even in the same city. Well....earlier today, I heard back. His message said he was interested in meeting me and he'd be in my area on business at the end of the month. He wanted me to call him and he gave me his number. I needed to think this over so I headed for the trail to work out. It's weird. This one guy at the trail said hi to me as he passed by and I realized that he's said hi to me before (I'll explain the "hi" business later). I'm off in my own little world and it dawned on me that maybe I should pay more attention to these people who might be trying to get my attention. Then when I was finished and back at my car, I was working on some equipment. I'd just taken the baseball hat off my head and it was in the 90's out so you can imagine what that did to my hair in a hat. I was working on something so I had black grease on my legs and hands. I had no shoes on and my socks halfway off. Sure enough, here comes a cyclist who stops to talk to me. This was NOT how I wanted to look when talking to a guy. I tried to smooth down my hair with the back of my hand (the front of my hand had grease on it). He mentioned how he sees me out there all the time. I could tell the guy was interested. I was a little but not too much so I didn't let it get too far. Again though, I realized that maybe I should pay attention more. On the other hand, I thought...if I pay attention more....I'll give off different vibes and these guys probably WON'T be approaching me. Isn't that interesting? They're interested in me when my hairs sticking up and I have black grease all over me. I want to explain the "hi" part to anyone reading who thinks that a "hi" means nothing. It depends on where you live. The cyclist guy I was talking to had a southern accent and I don't live in the South. He also cycles in many different cities. He told me that when he cycles on the streets in Colorado and Idaho (or was it Iowa), people are friendly and even wave to him. He told me that here (where I live) if he sees anyone raise their hand up while he's riding, it's because they're giving him the finger. So yes, here if a guy says "hi", he's pretty much interested. Ok...back to the guy from the personals....I get home this evening and call him. He sounds decent. Good job...good education...works out as much as I do but isn't a brainless bodybuilder type......doesn't want to get married right away.....doesn't want to be a ladies man.......asks me questions about myself (OMG! is this guy REAL?), and he tells me a date to set aside when he's going to be in town to meet him. And I said ok. And now I'm thinking....oh I don't know if I could go through with this..... I havent' really met anyone since "him" and I'm feeling panicky.....and I don't panic when I meet people usually. I think it's because I feel like crap ever since my experience with "him" and I don't even know if it's affected my looks or not. I mean, it affected my health a bit and I really wonder if that will show. I didn't used to care when I'd meet people online what they'd think. I pretty much was confident with my looks. Now, all of a sudden, I'm not. How am I going to get this back before meeting this guy?
JamesM Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Love Shack has been such a nice place to hang lately. I'll miss it when I start to get a life again. I have to admit, it's become a little addictive. Anyway...here goes...... Okay, I admit I haven't read the whole post. I got stuck here. So those of us who hang out here...we don't have a life? :laugh: I love this comment. Does the higher number of posts equal less of a life? Anyhow, thanks for the laugh..it really did tickle my funny bone. Now to read your post and see if I have a REAL response.
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Okay, I admit I haven't read the whole post. I got stuck here. So those of us who hang out here...we don't have a life? :laugh: I love this comment. Does the higher number of posts equal less of a life? Anyhow, thanks for the laugh..it really did tickle my funny bone. Now to read your post and see if I have a REAL response. No, I said that because I've been posting new threads like crazy. It was a disclaimer lest anyone reading it was saying "Oh geez, here she goes again with another one...."
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Oh I wanted to add...the reason I brought up these guys on the trail is because I'm usually off in my own little world. Seems that's when I get approached. Sometimes though, it leaves me unprepared (like the guy passing saying hi) The thing is, if you act prepared to meet people, then (I think) chances are, they're not going to approach because you'll be giving off different vibes. And I don't want to give off those other vibes...vibes that say "I'm looking". I haven't given those vibes off in years and I don't want to revert back to that. So....I guess it's probably better to act oblivious like I usually do. No?
Jinnah Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Are you a male or female? I guess it doesn't matter, actually. Sorry for asking... but when I was reading your post, I was thinking about what you were saying happened and not able to get an accurate picture... does that make sense? lol
Jinnah Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Are you a male or female? I guess it doesn't matter, actually. Sorry for asking... but when I was reading your post, I was thinking about what you were saying happened and not able to get an accurate picture... does that make sense? lol Actually scratch that... it's confusing me and kinda funny at this point.
JamesM Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I am not sure that anyone can give you the step by step way to being confident...even if the self help books say they can. It is an inward thing. Why did you mention these men on the trail? Is it because you had no problem being yourself when in your opinion, it doesn't matter? Yet when you meet a guy who may be a potential mate, you go weak at the knees? As a guy, I know the feeling. I hate to say I have no real answer, but it comes down to your own self. And the other thing is...think of the worst thing that can happen. He doesn't like you and you are where you are right now. And him not liking you has nothing to do with you necessarily. Simply use this visit as an exercise for you to learn how to meet guys. But what if he DOES like you? Maybe this is more frightening. Then the risks are higher and it may be a real relationship. All that means is that you will visit LS more often for different advice.
Jinnah Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Always be confident in yourself. You must be good looking enough, if all these guys are paying attention to you! Tell yourself that you deserve a good man and that you are a good, uh er, person, and that you can take your pick of who you want!
Balalaika Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Sounds to me like you've got a guy who you can't help but give more ticks than crosses to, would be a fool not to make a date with (and you know it).... so panic set in the minute you agreed to the date because somewhere a thought/feeling flashed through you of 'what IF something DOES come of it?!" = risk of getting hurt. Focusing on your looks is a way of trying to balk yourself from going through with it.... if you're not careful you'll actually convince yourself soemthing is up with your looks! Just based on this panic attack, you sound a wee bit fragile and not quite grounded enough within yourself to be considering dating just yet uniqueone. "Him" needs to be a distant memory and you need to be feeling amazing about yourself. But maybe it is just that though, a panic attack.... go have a bubble bath, lavish yourself with body butter, your favourite perfume, put on your sexiest underwear, whatever, just keep reminding yourself and focusing on how hot you really are!.
Krytellan Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Maybe I misinterpreted your post, uniqueone, but did you say that all you did was say hi and mention a sport and based on that he was all about wanting to meet you when he get into town? If that's so, make sure you get to know him. I find it odd that he is asking to meet in his first message. Doesn't that seem a little weird to anyone else?
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 And the other thing is...think of the worst thing that can happen. He doesn't like you and you are where you are right now. And him not liking you has nothing to do with you necessarily. Simply use this visit as an exercise for you to learn how to meet guys. I don't think I can handle rejection right now. I don't know why I mentioned the guys on the trail in this thread. They're really two different topics. I didn't want to start two threads though. I start enough threads as it is!
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Always be confident in yourself. You must be good looking enough, if all these guys are paying attention to you! Tell yourself that you deserve a good man and that you are a good, uh er, person, and that you can take your pick of who you want! I'm ok looking...no perfect features or anything...and the hair leaves much to be desired......they usually like my body though because I'm pretty fit. But other than that, there's something about me that's "different" I'm told...I tend to stand out from the crowd for some reason. I think that's more what attracts them. It doesn't mean it attracts any good ones though.
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Sounds to me like you've got a guy who you can't help but give more ticks than crosses to, would be a fool not to make a date with (and you know it).... so panic set in the minute you agreed to the date because somewhere a thought/feeling flashed through you of 'what IF something DOES come of it?!" = risk of getting hurt. Focusing on your looks is a way of trying to balk yourself from going through with it.... if you're not careful you'll actually convince yourself soemthing is up with your looks! Just based on this panic attack, you sound a wee bit fragile and not quite grounded enough within yourself to be considering dating just yet uniqueone. "Him" needs to be a distant memory and you need to be feeling amazing about yourself. But maybe it is just that though, a panic attack.... go have a bubble bath, lavish yourself with body butter, your favourite perfume, put on your sexiest underwear, whatever, just keep reminding yourself and focusing on how hot you really are!. This morning all I was thinking about was "him". I can't stop thinking about him and I wish I could. And this new one....he's as intelligent and he's not witty like "he" was. With "him" there was this great connection at the first e-mail....so smart and funny. I wish I could stop these thoughts. And my looks....these last few months HAVE taken a toll on me I think and it does show a bit so it's not TOTALLY just in my head.
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Maybe I misinterpreted your post, uniqueone, but did you say that all you did was say hi and mention a sport and based on that he was all about wanting to meet you when he get into town? If that's so, make sure you get to know him. I find it odd that he is asking to meet in his first message. Doesn't that seem a little weird to anyone else? No...not all that weird. He liked my pictures and liked what my ad said. Some don't waste time. He mentioned on the phone how some women want to email endlessly and he'd rather meet to see if there is anything there to begin with. Some people are like that....I've met all types. Sometimes I'm ok with it and other times I'm not. Since he won't be in town till the end of Sept, it doesn't bother me. I can always change my mind by then.
underpants Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Unique, Personally, I hope you stick around here. You are smart, funny and have some life experiences and perspectives that I have seen you use to help others. Now, as for the trail guy. He is Southern. He might just be friendly. Although, if you think he is attractive I say go for it. Southern men can shoot the crap all day without saying anything. IME, you have to cut to the chase with them and make the first move. If you get the chance to engage with him again and I think you might. Why not say, you know I was thinking that a beer would really hit the spot after this workout. How would you like to join me? If he says no, no harm is really done. Just say, okay it was just a thought...happy trails. On line guy. I do find it odd that he wants to meet you after the first contact. As long as it remains in your town and in public then I guess that is okay. I would be wary. I might be wary enough to make another ad and contact him under another identity to see if this is just his mo. I am jaded with that on line stuff though. Going for either guy I would suggest the mindset of going into it as making a new friend and no pressure. It takes time to form a lasting connection. Also, as hard as it might be to let go of 'him' you really need to have an open mind to fully appreciate whatever may cross your path. Good luck Unique.
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Unique, Personally, I hope you stick around here. You are smart, funny and have some life experiences and perspectives that I have seen you use to help others. Now, as for the trail guy. He is Southern. He might just be friendly. Although, if you think he is attractive I say go for it. Southern men can shoot the crap all day without saying anything. IME, you have to cut to the chase with them and make the first move. If you get the chance to engage with him again and I think you might. Why not say, you know I was thinking that a beer would really hit the spot after this workout. How would you like to join me? If he says no, no harm is really done. Just say, okay it was just a thought...happy trails. On line guy. I do find it odd that he wants to meet you after the first contact. As long as it remains in your town and in public then I guess that is okay. I would be wary. I might be wary enough to make another ad and contact him under another identity to see if this is just his mo. I am jaded with that on line stuff though. Going for either guy I would suggest the mindset of going into it as making a new friend and no pressure. It takes time to form a lasting connection. Also, as hard as it might be to let go of 'him' you really need to have an open mind to fully appreciate whatever may cross your path. Good luck Unique. Aw...you're so sweet Unders.... I'm not interested in Southern trail guy. Nice to chat with but that's about it. As for the other one who keeps saying "hi"....he's a possiblity. Then there's the one in the parking lot. I'd have to run into him again. But I'm back in my mode of just going there whenever and being interested in what I'm doing. Want to hear something funny? I get a lot of people there that say to me "You must come here every day....I see you every time I'm here." Er.....wouldn't that mean YOU come here everyday TOO......? Depending on my mood....sometimes I tell them that......LOL. I don't think it's odd that someone online wants to meet right away. I've done the personals thing awhile and each person has their own way of doing it. I've met people right away and I've met people after months. It doesn't really make much of a difference. You could meet a good one right away and you can meet a creep after months of talking to them.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I don't think I can handle rejection right now. I don't know why I mentioned the guys on the trail in this thread. They're really two different topics. I didn't want to start two threads though. I start enough threads as it is! If you didnt start threads where would I post? Gee, I read that and got this lost at sea with no compass feeling! Rejection is one thing in life you cannot hide from. Take the risk. Fact is, if he doesnt like you, he isnt good enough anyway! As they say down south... you cant fix stupid. So just take heart that any guy worth batting an eyelash at will see your true value. So in that regard rejection is good, better now than 6 months into a relationship.
annabelle75 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 If you didnt start threads where would I post? Gee, I read that and got this lost at sea with no compass feeling! Rejection is one thing in life you cannot hide from. Take the risk. Fact is, if he doesnt like you, he isnt good enough anyway! As they say down south... you cant fix stupid. So just take heart that any guy worth batting an eyelash at will see your true value. So in that regard rejection is good, better now than 6 months into a relationship. lol .... I like that. I'll just live by the code now that any man that doesn't like me is just STUPID. :bunny:
JCD Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I was thinking maybe you're the type that doesn't like official dates, instead likes to know a person thru interaction by some activity, becoming friends then lovers. This way you get to know the person in a safe way and can bail out when things go wrong. It's a less stressful for you this way, maybe.
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 If you didnt start threads where would I post? Gee, I read that and got this lost at sea with no compass feeling! Here, I'll throw you a life preserver! Fact is, if he doesnt like you, he isnt good enough anyway! Oh now that's just something people say to make themselves feel better. I believe it in cases where the guy's a jerk but I don't believe it in just any ol' case.
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 I was thinking maybe you're the type that doesn't like official dates, instead likes to know a person thru interaction by some activity, becoming friends then lovers. This way you get to know the person in a safe way and can bail out when things go wrong. It's a less stressful for you this way, maybe. Normally I'm fine. It's just that I had an experience not that long ago that was very upsetting where I really liked this one guy, flew a long way to see him and he abandoned me there. Plus he acted cold and rude. And he's never cared how he's treated me...never been sorry. It's made me feel pretty low.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Oh now that's just something people say to make themselves feel better. I believe it in cases where the guy's a jerk but I don't believe it in just any ol' case. Its a matter of perception. Basically you are correct. Just because someone passes you bye doesnt mean you couldnt have had a wonderful relationship with him. However, you are looking for someone that can see you for the wonderful person that you are and value you. Right? If this guy meets you and fails to do so. Honestly, he isnt good enough! Dealing with rejection is never easy, but its worse if you misunderstand what it means. Trust me, I deal with rejection for a living!
underpants Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Dealing with rejection is never easy, but its worse if you misunderstand what it means. Trust me, I deal with rejection for a living! My whole life is one series of rejections. Honestly, I don't know if I could handle being accepted. I'm just used to it, even creative in my coping.
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Dealing with rejection is never easy, but its worse if you misunderstand what it means. Trust me, I deal with rejection for a living! You work for the IRS then?
Author uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 But what if he DOES like you? Maybe this is more frightening. Then the risks are higher and it may be a real relationship. I wanted to get back to this point you made..... I read on here yesterday something that made me think (hey...it happens...) Someone said to someone who ended a relationship that it meant that she was ready for a REAL relationship. Now I don't know if that pertains to me because I didn't end it and I still want back in. On the other hand, I knew something was wrong with it too. I guess this means that I'm somewhat ready for a real relationship then. At least it's better than not being ready for one. I've been involved with a lot of the wrong guys....very non-committal ones. Yes...I know...I know....what does that say about me.....I'm aware of that. I've also been involved with some pretty unfeeling and selfish guys. I know I don't want that. But at the same time, I'm drawn to something about them. Or maybe it's OTHER traits about them. I mean, I miss "his" wit and intelligence so much and I don't find that in these other guys. Anyway I'm rambling. Supposed to be working too.......
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