P5186 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Hi. I was an active poster here almost a year ago but had to make a new account. This isn't a break up but to say something that I want to share since I came here and to thank the site really and hoping to help others who are going through break ups. Well all this ex talked made me realize why I came here in the first place but hasn't made me sad as I'm in a 9month relationship (which is the happiest I've been in) It's both our longest relationships too. But I came here as I was a wreck in Oct 2006 (new account though now). I kept breaking no contact but I decided to move on in Nov 2006 and starting dating people and I'm so glad I did. My ex found someone a few weeks before I began my relationship. I said I would wait for her when we broke up and she had the nerve to call me a liar when I got a girlfriend Anyway I didn't talk to her much for 11months. Just last month she contacted me asking if we could be friends (we both have partners btw) she asked me if I would meet her for a drink and I said no, I said no as I don't even care for her no more and she said maybe another time then. She knows I'll give her a piece of my mind now and won't suck up to her and It feels great. She came to me to be friends again and under my terms. This site has learnt me a lot for my present relationship. We have had one problem (we haven't argued yet in this relationship though) well when the problem came up I spoke to her while she cried and said sorry. I left her house which I NEVER done with my ex. Well I got texts none stop about how sorry she was for 3days. The problem wasn't even big but it annoyed me and it improved our relationship. Lesson I learnt there is show them you could leave anytime. I love her though, even though she treats me so good I just wanted to put something straight that I'm not being walked all over again. She helped me through the death of my grandma 2weeks ago and any other problems I have had. She puts me first which I've never had before and looking to get a house together sometime in the future. I'm getting a bit old to be living at home Hope everyone is ok and sorry for the long post
sbedard Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Hey, its good to see light at the end of the tunnel.. Me and my ex have been trying to work things out for the last 2 years.. but have trust issues.. every time she has backed off I have begged for her back, and told her things would be better this time.. We have broken up and gotten back together again twice in the last 2 years.. recently.. a month ago she broke it off again saying she can't deal with it anymore.. and that its not that she doesnt love me, she just cant deal with the trust issues anymore.. She tells me that the only way it will ever work is if we go our separte ways and someday find each other again.. I'm really not sure what to think.. I'm trying to do NC.. but everywhere I go i see her.. whether it be MSN or facebook.. its hard to end knowning we both love each other.. I'm really lost right now..
birdie Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Anyway I didn't talk to her much for 11months. Just last month she contacted me asking if we could be friends (we both have partners btw) she asked me if I would meet her for a drink and I said no, I said no as I don't even care for her no more and she said maybe another time then. She knows I'll give her a piece of my mind now and won't suck up to her and It feels great. She came to me to be friends again and under my terms. This site has learnt me a lot for my present relationship. We have had one problem (we haven't argued yet in this relationship though) well when the problem came up I spoke to her while she cried and said sorry. I left her house which I NEVER done with my ex. Well I got texts none stop about how sorry she was for 3days. The problem wasn't even big but it annoyed me and it improved our relationship. Lesson I learnt there is show them you could leave anytime. I love her though, even though she treats me so good I just wanted to put something straight that I'm not being walked all over again. She helped me through the death of my grandma 2weeks ago and any other problems I have had. She puts me first which I've never had before and looking to get a house together sometime in the future. I'm getting a bit old to be living at home Hope everyone is ok and sorry for the long post well I went out with a guy recently that had been really hurt by his previous girlfriend and tried to establish this sort of behaviour with me. whenever I didn't like something instead of being able to talk it through, he would throw a tantrum and shut me out for a few days. that's because he had felt that in the past he allowed women to walk over him. to me that smacks of baggage and issues. shutting your girlfriend out instead of discussing stuff with her is very immature in my eyes. It's not about being assertive at all. careful because you might end up losing her, I read the riot act to this guy because I don't put up with petulance. the way to deal with arguments in relationships is to discuss them and set boundaries, it's not a power game
Author P5186 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 to me that smacks of baggage and issues. shutting your girlfriend out instead of discussing stuff with her is very immature in my eyes. It's not about being assertive at all. careful because you might end up losing her, I read the riot act to this guy because I don't put up with petulance. the way to deal with arguments in relationships is to discuss them and set boundaries, it's not a power game I understand that. I don't mean I stormed out. We talked for a few hours and I got my answers (I'm a very good talker, I enjoy talking about things) I left after we talked. I would never leave without answers as things play on my mind so it's best to talk about it. Our relationship is fine, we're happy together so saying I'm going to lose her because of it is wrong. It happened 5 month ago and we have had no problems since. So all good. I'm trying to think of a way to say about why I left though as it was a while ago. I left the house after we talked as I was un-happy about what had happened. I didn't leave in a huge argument. It was because I wanted to think alone without her there as I already heard what she had to say. I'm never nasty to her, I treat her good. She texted me alot as she thought it had finished us. But it hadn't. I just needed time alone. Understand? Reading your post now has made me think you read to much inbetween the lines as we have no problems. If we had a problem I would say there was one. I told you a few things and you made something out of it which you thought.
birdie Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 sorry if I said anything offensive. it is difficult when communication in writing as we all know. I didn't get the impression from your first post that you talked things through - only the walking away bit. but clearly you do communicate so there is no problem. is this better?
Author P5186 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Hey, its good to see light at the end of the tunnel.. Me and my ex have been trying to work things out for the last 2 years.. but have trust issues.. every time she has backed off I have begged for her back, and told her things would be better this time.. We have broken up and gotten back together again twice in the last 2 years.. recently.. a month ago she broke it off again saying she can't deal with it anymore.. and that its not that she doesnt love me, she just cant deal with the trust issues anymore.. She tells me that the only way it will ever work is if we go our separte ways and someday find each other again.. I'm really not sure what to think.. I'm trying to do NC.. but everywhere I go i see her.. whether it be MSN or facebook.. its hard to end knowning we both love each other.. I'm really lost right now.. Some people wish they could have had 1 chance and you have had 2. The same problem keeps coming back so it isn't working is it? If you get back with her again, the same problem will just come back again. So until she can get over the trust thing there isn't much point. That's only something she can get over. After 2 years you should have attempted to talk to other girls and see if there is any you like. Not sure if you have done that or not. Because I was so wrapped around my ex until I went for a drink with my current gf now and I actually missed her more then my ex. I didn't expect that but it happened. But don't wait for her though as you could miss out on so many other things that would make you happy.
Author P5186 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 sorry if I said anything offensive. it is difficult when communication in writing as we all know. I didn't get the impression from your first post that you talked things through - only the walking away bit. but clearly you do communicate so there is no problem. is this better? Yeah I know what you mean I used to do it aswell lol. But yeah I'm the type of guy (not many of them) which would rather talk to my partner about anything then watch TV to ignore them I like it
sbedard Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Thanks.. I need any advice I can get.. what makes this situation harder is that this was the first time i've really let myself open up to a girl.. and love her.. I miss her, and I know she misses me.. She told me its not that she doesnt love me, its just that she's sick of this situation were in.. And it doesnt matter if i'm lying or not she still has these feelings.. I do know that time will either bring us together or it wont.. But I just hate to fall apart like this knowing we love each other.. I really dont know how to handle the situation.. Should I go NC? Seeing her with someone else would kill me.. I'm jus tnot usre
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