AngeloWolfe Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Before you answer, I know this may seem really silly. But.. it's been bugging me. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 weeks or so, and things have moved very, very fast. We've not had a chance to get together and go out, but Saturday we've made plans to go catch a movie and some food with some friends... It was bugging me at first, because I didn't know when the right time for us to be intimately involved would be. However.. we were talking on the phone the other day, and it's more than obvious she's very well prepared to do the horizontal monster mash. My question is, I really want this relationship to further into something wonderful. And... I've heard many people say that if you want to go far with a relationship, then wait on having sex. Is that true? Having sex - will it hurt or help in the end?
uniqueone Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Horizontal monster mash? How....er...romantic..... It all depends on how people view sex. Do they view it as a goal? Do they view women who have sex too early as not virtuous? Sex can make people more emotionally involved. This more often happens to women. How do you feel about being more emotionally involved? How would you feel if you have sex and she DOESN'T want to be more emotionally involved? Do you two only date each other? Really whether or not sex ruins things all depends on the attitude towards it.
Lizzie60 Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 My question is, I really want this relationship to further into something wonderful. And... I've heard many people say that if you want to go far with a relationship, then wait on having sex. Is that true? Having sex - will it hurt or help in the end? Never mind what people think... this is about YOU and HER. No this is NOT true... some people have sex on the very first date and end up marrying and living happily ever after... so there is no rule about sex...you do it whenever YOU think you are BOTH ready... simple.
JamesM Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 On the other hand. many relationships that start out hot and heavy with lots of physical and little communication/getting to know one another about common interests end on failure. And some of them end in a marriage that should never happened. So, yes you are in your own unique relationship, yet there is plenty of statistics that show you that getting sexual too quick will steer the relationship towards the physical and away from the friendship. Then the differences and dislikes are overlooked because the sex is so great.
Jinnah Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 I believe it's better to wait. Work on the relationship/friendship and see if you even have a future. No point in sleeping around... save it for the woman you actually marry so she won't be pissed, lol.
VirtualInsanity Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 My question is, I really want this relationship to further into something wonderful. And... I've heard many people say that if you want to go far with a relationship, then wait on having sex. Is that true? Having sex - will it hurt or help in the end? As other's have stated it depends on the person/couple & how they view sex. I know people who wait as well as those who didn't & are in great relationship.
Yosef Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Sex is a a rope that binds most people together. Without a rope, they drift apart in the open sea. In my humble opinion, sex is a maker and breaker. I utterly despise that, IMO. Recently, members of this board, none to be mentioned specifically, have gone through romantic crashes where their boyfriend/girlfriend left them because the "sex wasn't good enough". This isn't how it should be! This is a reason christianity chose to refrain from sex until after marriage (celebacy). To decide wether the love was true or merely induced by earthly desire.
amber1 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Yes, please wait. 2 weeks is not long enough if you you want something to last. You need to get to know the person better before you have sex with them.
Author AngeloWolfe Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 I agree completely, Yosef. But... it's made me wonder. It's hard to make a 'full' decision in 2 weeks, I know that. I don't want to just 'jump off the handle' and start. But... we've been talking, and I'm comfortable about it, and we both love each other. It just really surprises me, because she's a Virgin, and wants to share this intimacy with me. I just don't want this to turn into a situation where everytime we get together we're always going to sneak off to make love. Which, don't get me wrong, I love just as much as the next man does. But I truely want to try to make our relationship blossom, not just be a physical experiment... does that make sense at all? @.@
amber1 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I agree completely, Yosef. But... it's made me wonder. It's hard to make a 'full' decision in 2 weeks, I know that. I don't want to just 'jump off the handle' and start. But... we've been talking, and I'm comfortable about it, and we both love each other. It just really surprises me, because she's a Virgin, and wants to share this intimacy with me. I just don't want this to turn into a situation where everytime we get together we're always going to sneak off to make love. Which, don't get me wrong, I love just as much as the next man does. But I truely want to try to make our relationship blossom, not just be a physical experiment... does that make sense at all? @.@ The highlighted reason is the reason to take this as slowly as possible. She has no clue how she will react after she has sex. It will be her first time. Is she trying to get it over with quickly or something? If so, is she just using you to get it over with? How can you two really love each other after only being together for two weeks? Why would you have to sneak off for sex, are you both really young? Just make sure this is the right thing to do before you do it.
Author AngeloWolfe Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Well.. it's kinda funny. We both just got out of really bad relationships. She's spent a year getting over her ex, and has finally moved on. I, myself, just got out of a similar relationship, and have finally found the personal integrity to move on. We kind of looked at each other about 3 weeks ago and said, "Hey... how you doin'?" And, we've talked for hours on end, got to know each other very well. Past, Present, and Future. We both feel comfortable with each other... and I don't want to ruin that because of sex. I think it's because I've lost my virginity and that whole 'first will be my only' fantasy blew up in my face. I don't want the same thing to happen to her... to us.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Well.. it's kinda funny. We both just got out of really bad relationships. She's spent a year getting over her ex, and has finally moved on. I, myself, just got out of a similar relationship, and have finally found the personal integrity to move on. We kind of looked at each other about 3 weeks ago and said, "Hey... how you doin'?" And, we've talked for hours on end, got to know each other very well. Past, Present, and Future. We both feel comfortable with each other... and I don't want to ruin that because of sex. I think it's because I've lost my virginity and that whole 'first will be my only' fantasy blew up in my face. I don't want the same thing to happen to her... to us. How old are the two of you? If your both getting out of relationships and you've only been together 2 weeks I def. think you are rushing it. Do you even know each other well enough to be in love? I just think that you are both moving way to fast, and yes this might blow up in both your faces. If you truely do care for one another, than the sex can wait. Keep dating and getting to know each other. Then you can decide if you want to take such an important step.
Yosef Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 The real love comes from the heart, not from the brain. Whatever you both choose to do, I wish you the best of experience.
Yamaha Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 we both love each other. I don't care what your emotions are telling you there is no way you can love someone in 2 weeks. You like each other and you enjoy being together but for love to happen you have to bond emotionally and that doesn't happen in 2weeks. As far as the sex issue I think because she is a virgin you need to move with caution. There is plenty of time to get physical and anticipation makes the waiting all the sweeter. Learn about each other and build a good foundation of trust, communication and friendship. Sexual desire is a wonderful thing but putting it in the relationship to soon can kill a budding romance.
maynard Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 i would say that 2 weeks is too early to use as a barometer on anything. and there is no problem waiting a bit on the other hand, in in a lot of circumstances and people, waiting too long can end up just being a strange friendship it really depends on the views or morals (no offense meant here) of both parties of sex, relationships, and intentions. for example, the situation described in the second paragraph doesnt apply to those who are very religious. in that case, you would have to change your perspective. they dont want sex early and may be in the "game" to find a long lasting...possibly marriage mate speaking generally here
dropdeadlegs Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Was the breakup of your girl's last relationship in any way linked to her virginity? Did lack of sex contribute to the breakup? I ask because she may be feeling like having sex is the way to keep a man since she is a virgin and is considering having sex with someone she has known for a couple of weeks.. It is common in younger people to feel societal pressure to engage in physical relations. Virginity is something that once lost can never be gotten back. Too many of us have given it away with little consideration. The giddiness of new relationships causes very strong emotions that are often mistaken for love. Love isn't often achieved in short order. Those who say "it was love at first sight" were probably lucky that the immediate connection actually grew into real love. More often, the initial lust fades. Most of us don't drop our guards and remove our masks for several months, finally showing all aspects of our personalities. It takes time to really know a person well. However, in answer to your original question there isn't a clear cut answer. Sex does not necessarily kill a relationship, nor make it. Sex is an important part of it and it helps if two people are sexually compatible in many areas.
Recommended Posts