Nottoobright's Story (From her Son's point of view)

[MellophMoose]

As you've already probably read about Nottoobright and Jim's issues (If not, I suggest you read for some background information on this whole ordeal), You may think that you have heard the whole story.

 

Well, here's a new twist... Hold on to your seats, folks, because here's a new angle to the story, the vantage point of Nottoobright's son!

 

Maybe I should try to find the most appropriate starting point to go on, and that would probably be sometime after the dust started to clear after my mom's first divorce... which was a total fiasco as well, but I won't go into that right now.

 

My mother was a warm-hearted, gentle woman, characterized by her hearty laughter and (though embarrassing at the time to a high-schooler) a "love-out-loud" attitude which was vocalized many-a-time in a parking lot whenever we were picked up from school. She loved nothing more than taking care of her chickens, tending to them and naming each one, fattening them up with no intention to fry them up later. Her chickens were also her "babies", and we were expected to love them, too, just as we would a brother or a sister. Later came the cow and the pig, followed shortly after by numerous goats and various species or exotic and domestic poultry, all loved equally and taken care of by their "new mother".

 

My brotheer and I never expected that our mother's tender heart could eventually lead her to trouble. We thought that our mother's "big ol' heart" could do nothing but good for her.

 

Apparently, we were wrong.

 

My mother met "Jim" at one of my band practices while she was still married to her ex-husband. He had been divorced from his ex-wife for nearly a year, and his young daughter instantly became curious and talkative with my mother. At the end of practice my mother, step-father, and I loaded into our car and didn't think of the meeting again for a good bit of time.

 

. . . . .

 

If you have been keeping tabs on Nottoobright's and Jim's story, then you'll have already known what happened between the two meetings of the pair. If not, I suggest that you read their posts and make yourself familiar with their story.

 

I am picking up again to a point sometime after Jim and Nottoobright began courting.

 

It was my mother's birthday, and Jim decided to take her out for pizza at a local pizza joint. He paid for all of the children (including myself) to play arcade games while he wandered around the restaurant with my mother. When time came to leave, we boarded our seperate vehicles and went our seperate ways; However, before my mother could get into the driver's seat, Jim wrapped her up in his arms and gave her a kiss, promising her a good night before letting her go.

 

The car ride home was buzzing with excitement. The very air around my mother seemed to glow, I had seldom seen her so happy in her life. She made plans to return to the city that night and buy a present for Jim, and leave it on his doorstep. My mother dropped us off at our house and headed out to buy the gift.

 

My brother and I awakened again, barely three hours after falling asleep, to the sound of a slamming front door. My brother and I crept to the front of the house, curious as to the source of the commotion, only to find our mother curled up on the couch, muttering about mistakes between sobs. This man (dare he call himself one) had broken my mother's heart. We stayed up for hours, consoling a woman who continuously tried rationalizing with herself as to why this man's ex-wife was at his home so late at night. Finally, she cried herself to sleep, something that I never should have had to witness.

 

Fast-forward several months, and we are living with this man. My mother found it somewhere within herself to forgive a man that never apologized for his wrong-doing. My mother's huge, tender heart stood in her way, trapping her in a relationship with a man she thought she once loved. Arguments are a daily occurence, and money is scarce. Gone are the animals that my mother once loved, all traded for a "swine more despicable than any we'd ever given slop to". He still doesn't have any remorse or the slightest bit of shame for his actions, and my mother's heart is broken. The things that my mother once loved to do were all taken away from her, but Jim still makes his excuses as to how none of it was his fault. He spends most of his time barking orders rather than helping around the house, and uses threats to get us to do what he wants.

 

Still, this summary is very bare-bones, and you'll need thier stories to fill in the blanks.

 

Fast-forward yet again to present day, and you'll see that conditions have not changed in this household. I no longer live in the same house, but I am here on a vacation from college. I arrived on friday night to see that the house is in horrible condition and the remaining children in the house are living in a state of lawlessness and rebellion; However, none of these atrocities hold a candle to the state of my mother. The once sweet, "love-out-loud" voice has been replaced with a sad longing for a time passed, and the hearty laughter is gone, with a frown in it's stead. My mother's once open and caring mindset has been replaced with one similar to a caged animal that has been beaten repeatedly. This man, this jerk, has taken the light from my mother's eyes. I love my mother, and I want her out of this situation. I want my mom back.

[whichwayisup]

Sorry that you're in pain too.

 

I do agree and I've said this on one of their threads, their relationship is unhealthy and toxic, too much pain on both ends, emotional baggage etc...

 

I don't know what to tell ya except love your mom, encourage her to go to counselling so she can BE the woman she once was and still can be.

[annabelle75]

I really hate to see children getting drug into their parent's marital problems. Its not right.

 

Thsi whole situation just strikes me as sad and pathetic.

[whichwayisup]

I really hate to see children getting drug into their parent's marital problems

Me too, but this guy isn't MellophMoose's father. Big difference. Seems he's looking out for his mom.

 

Though, with that being said, I think this is a first on LS that so many from one situation, mom and son, mom and bf/h post here.

[Lizzie60]

Me too, but this guy isn't MellophMoose's father. Big difference. Seems he's looking out for his mom.

 

Though, with that being said, I think this is a first on LS that so many from one situation, mom and son, mom and bf/h post here.

 

I was thinking the same thing... I don't see the point... lots of drama.

Did anyone said they didn't believe 'Nottoobright'?

I don't get this...

[annabelle75]

Honestly I don't see the point of any of this. She doesn't want to leave, so why is she dragging everyone she knows here to LS to convice us that she is some sort of martyr that's only fault is having had too big of a heart. This is all just very pointless and self serving.

 

From the sounds of the story above the H is some sort of cruel monster that took his mom hostage or something. God forbid she ever have to take responsibility for her own actions and choices. No one forced her into this marriage or relationship. She is in it becasue it is what she wanted and from the sounds of it what she still wants.

 

Just a whole lot of drama here with no real point.

[corazoncito]

Though, with that being said, I think this is a first on LS that so many from one situation, mom and son, mom and bf/h post here.

 

I was thinking the same thing... I don't see the point... lots of drama.

Did anyone said they didn't believe 'Nottoobright'?

I don't get this...

 

I saw an elaborate "trolling" on another forum where one person was secretly writing under three different user names for several months. I don't really know what the point was exactly. Each personality was different and seemed to have normal problems, comments, etc. Then one of the personalities supposedly "died" IRL. The other personalities announced the death (all of a sudden they were conveniently friends IRL) and drummed up a bunch of drama among the other "legitimate" posters. It became obvious that it was fake pretty quickly.

 

This is seeming more and more like someone test driving characters for a book they'd like to write.

[whichwayisup]

The LS mods can check IP addresses, email addresses that match etc.

 

Anyway, let's not assume the worst here because many people have reached out and tried to help them both. And now her son.

[Lizzie60]

The LS mods can check IP addresses, email addresses that match etc.

 

Anyway, let's not assume the worst here because many people have reached out and tried to help them both. And now her son.

 

Her brother in law... mother... LOL

This is odd... I could bring on some of my lovers...hey...that's a good idea...so they can corroborate my views...

 

I still don't see the point to drag everyone in the forum to make her look even more like a martyr... geezz ...

[annabelle75]

I can pretty much sum up every thread about this realtionship that she has started (or had family members start):

 

"I have no intention of leaving my marriage or making an effort to try to fix whats wrong with it. I knew he cheated on me (even though he told me he was still seeing his ex-W when we were dating and I asked him to not tell me if they slept together:confused:) before I married him but I chose to anyway. He has not to my knowledge cheated on me since, but I have decided to not forgive or let go. My only prupose in being here is to have people tell me I am right and have them feel sorry for me."

 

And this is why I have a hard time feeling alot of sympathy. We all have control of our lives and our happiness. We choose to do the right things that make us happy. If she would rather wallow in self pity and drag her kids and who ever else she's gonna bring her into it than she can go right ahead and do so. I'm just not gonna feel bad for her.

 

I seriously hope this is some sort of troll or "research" for a story.

[MellophMoose]

I can see where you're coming from, but I can assure you, with as much as my mom has got on her plate, she doesn't have any time to write a book, never mind going on a quest for martyrdom.

 

She doesn't even know that I've posted this yet and yes, considering all of the sacrifices she's made for me and my brother, I have every right to get on here and defend her.

 

I can also assure you that I am, in fact, very sane, and that I'm not just a figment of my mother's imagination, thank you very much. I don't appreciate the fact that many of you believe that I'm only doing this to make my mom look like a saint or something. She knows that she made a mistake, and she's trying to get out of it without getting hurt any worse than she already is. I do, however, appreciate the comments left by those who actually intend to help rather than just take up space with meaningless accusations.

[annabelle75]

I can also assure you that I am, in fact, very sane, and that I'm not just a figment of my mother's imagination, thank you very much. I don't appreciate the fact that many of you believe that I'm only doing this to make my mom look like a saint or something. She knows that she made a mistake, and she's trying to get out of it without getting hurt any worse than she already is. I do, however, appreciate the comments left by those who actually intend to help rather than just take up space with meaningless accusations.

 

Really? That isn't what she has been saying here.

 

And .... If your mother has no knowledge of you posting here, how did you find LS? Why would she show you this place?

[Lizzie60]

Really? That isn't what she has been saying here.

 

And .... If your mother has no knowledge of you posting here, how did you find LS? Why would she show you this place?

 

Good catch Annabelle...

[MellophMoose]

It's a family computer. Things get left in tabs. Here's an idea, how about instead of accusing, how about lending some advice, otherwise, you're useless to me.

 

Thanks

[annabelle75]

It's a family computer. Things get left in tabs. Here's an idea, how about instead of accusing, how about lending some advice, otherwise, you're useless to me.

 

Thanks

 

I have and she choses not to listen. She doesn't want advice. She just wants us to feel sorry for her and tell her what a good person she is for having to put up with as long as she has. When she is actually ready to do something about it, I'll be glad to help her out. Until then I see no point in being an enabler in her pitty party.

 

Also, shame on her for letting her children get mixed up in all this. As a divorced mother this makes me naseous. I won't involve my daughter in my problems with her dad and I won't drag her into my relationship dramas with other men. Its just wrong.

 

(still not convinced this is her son and not her)

[MellophMoose]

I completely understand what you are saying, but my mom didn't wrap me up in this, I took the initiative to get on here. I'm not asking for advice for my mom, I am asking for advice for me. I can imagine that it's perfectly understandable for me to want my mom out of this situation. Do you think I find some kind of sick pleasure out of this whole thing? I didn't think so! I used to have to be in the situation constantly whenever I lived in the house. How DARE you accuse my mom of trying to involve us. She didn't cheat, he did, and you know darn well that when something of that magnitude happens in a household, it doesn't just effect the mother and father. It's funny how I, being only 18, knows that full-well and better than someone who is probably twice my age. Go ahead and ask your daughter (right now, if she's handy) if your divorce didn't effect her. Go ahead, see what she tells you. I can almost guarantee that she'll tell you otherwise.

[annabelle75]

my daughter will never know her father cheated on me. its not her burden to bare.

[MellophMoose]

Well, lucky her. Just don't blame my mom for us knowing about the whole ordeal. It wasn't her fault, and she shouldn't be blamed.

 

If you don't have anything nice to say, then keep your hands off of the keyboard. This bulletin board (or whatever it's called) is meant for helping people, not being a bully.

 

I would appreciate a little bit of advice from you if you have any. If not, I suggest you get back on your little broomstick and quit wasting my time.

[OpenBook]

I could bring on some of my lovers...hey...that's a good idea...so they can corroborate my views...

 

Actually Lizzie, I think that's a FABULOUS idea! Can you pull it off?? Really, I'm not kidding... I would love to hear what they're thinking. We don't get nearly enough input from men here on LoveShack.

 

Mellorph (or whatever your name is), I for one believe you. I sincerely hope you're not a troll. One of my best friends recently went through a divorce... and you sound kinda like her son, in that you're always looking out for your Mom.

[Lizzie60]

Actually Lizzie, I think that's a FABULOUS idea! Can you pull it off?? Really, I'm not kidding... I would love to hear what they're thinking. We don't get nearly enough input from men here on LoveShack.

 

Mellorph (or whatever your name is), I for one believe you. I sincerely hope you're not a troll. One of my best friends recently went through a divorce... and you sound kinda like her son, in that you're always looking out for your Mom.

 

I'll see what I can do... LOL

 

I just re-read the OP... and I had this strange feeling of reading an 'Harlequin' book... I don't buy this story at all.. too much drama and the way it's written... (remember this guy is 18...ha-hem)... I think someone is pulling our leg...

[annabelle75]

I'll see what I can do... LOL

 

I just re-read the OP... and I had this strange feeling of reading an 'Harlequin' book... I don't buy this story at all.. too much drama and the way it's written... (remember this guy is 18...ha-hem)... I think someone is pulling our leg...

 

Exactly. Thats not how a teenage boy writes. Its too corny.

 

On the other hand ....... he thinks anyone here that isn't playing along with the pity party isn't "giving constructive advice," therefore there is a good chance if it ain't notsobright herself, it very well could be her son. Like mother, like son.

 

My advice for the day:

 

1. If your mother wants to leave her H, tell her you will support her.

 

2. If your mother won't leave, encourage her to forgive and move on with their relationship.

 

Its pretty basic and simple.

 

I'm gonna go hop on my broomstick and make some dinner now. Toodles.

[nittygritty]

I'm still undecided about the whole thing.

 

Perhaps if more people who are familiar with the situation could provide us with even further information...

 

Nottoobright

 

 

I agree with Lizzie, there is something unusual about it.

[Trimmer]

I completely understand what you are saying, but my mom didn't wrap me up in this...

It's a useless argument at this point, but the following example (which I'm sure wasn't the only time) makes it sound like she exposed you to more of her relationship drama than a child should be burdened with. Even you seem to agree; read the last 9 of your own words in this passage:

My brother and I crept to the front of the house, curious as to the source of the commotion, only to find our mother curled up on the couch, muttering about mistakes between sobs. This man (dare he call himself one) had broken my mother's heart. We stayed up for hours, consoling a woman who continuously tried rationalizing with herself as to why this man's ex-wife was at his home so late at night. Finally, she cried herself to sleep, something that I never should have had to witness.

 

 

I took the initiative to get on here. I'm not asking for advice for my mom, I am asking for advice for me. I can imagine that it's perfectly understandable for me to want my mom out of this situation. Do you think I find some kind of sick pleasure out of this whole thing? I didn't think so! I used to have to be in the situation constantly whenever I lived in the house. How DARE you accuse my mom of trying to involve us. She didn't cheat, he did, and you know darn well that when something of that magnitude happens in a household, it doesn't just effect the mother and father. It's funny how I, being only 18, knows that full-well and better than someone who is probably twice my age.

Take a big, deep breath there, son. You've got a lot of anger, understandably, but please understand that you have put yourself in a very precarious position here. You have breached a discussion that we reasonably believe your mom and Jim intended to keep private - or at least anonymous - by finding her postings and inserting yourself into her discussion.

 

I understand that a child would defend, to the end, his mother, but you need to understand that the nature of discussions on here are not all-black or all-white. We don't vote on who is right and who is wrong, then all line up on that side of the argument; it's seldom that simple.

 

So even in the case that a "wronged" party clearly deserves sympathy, there are often honest opinions stated about their culpability and responsibilty within the relationship. That's some of what you are hearing about your mom, and once again, that is a result of you inserting yourself into an adult discussion that was never intended for your ears. So if you're going to be here, then stop swinging, stop growling "How DARE you!" like a junkyard dog, and take part like an adult.

 

I totally understand that you would rather not hear less than fully positive opinions about your mother. I would actually suggest that you never should have; that your seeking out her posts was a breach of privacy that she expected to maintain, and a breach of her trust. But that is certainly a matter to work out between the two of you.

 

It remains my opinion that, based on her posts and the facts you have added to the discussion, she could have done a better job of protecting her children from the drama in her relationship. Children should not be put in a position of emotional caretakers of their parents.

 

It is also my opinion that while bad things out of our control do happen in relationships, that we control our lives moving forward to a great deal through the choices we make. Fool me once, shame on you.... Cheat on me once.... I still take responsibility for the choices I make afterward, and I think there were opportunities along the way for your mother to make different choices.

 

I don't know what to tell you, as far as advice goes. You have not made your life any easier by inserting yourself into this discussion. It will eventually become known to both your mom and Jim - how will you handle that shift in dynamic?

 

It's hard enough giving advice to someone like your mom, who it seems, isn't really ready to take control and ownership and do something yet, let alone to give you "second order" advice on how to effect some kind of change in her.

 

My best advice is for you all to get the heck off the computer, stop spending your time and energy trying to sway people to "your side", and start dealing with real issues in a real way.

 

Who cares what we think about who is right or wrong? What would you like to see happen?

[annabelle75]

Am I the only person wondering why she just apologized for her son? If it really was him, he didn't do anythign wrong and I didn't see where anyone was mad at him or attacked him. In fact the main gripe we all had was with the fact she would allow her bad relationship to effect her children this way. Just seems she wants to ignore what she doesn't want to hear and point fingers of blame to excuse her own actions.

 

 

If she really is finally ending her marriage .... I wish her well. Life is too short to be this unhappy.

[smoochygirl]

notobright sorry you didn't get much support to this site, i hope that everything will work out for you, you have a son who love you so much and i truly respect that. maybe you should get a marriage counseling and a counseling for your children. I hope the best for you.