2468 Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Hello, I'm new here, looking for some completely unbiased advice. Many thanks in advance!! Here goes .. My b/f and I have been together for 5 years, we have always had a good relationship, we've been happy despite the normal bumps in the road with any relationship. Here's the problem, I'm ready to take the next step, moving in together, getting engaged .. something, anything to move forward. He, on the other hand, is completely against it.... says he can't make that big of a commitment, says he doesn't want to live with or marry anybody ..ever. OK, I've always trusted him, he's never given me a reason not to ...despite the yearly bachelor party in which he spends an enormous amount of money on strippers. This last bachelor party, just a few months ago ... he was out of town for 5 days, didn't call me once, and didn't touch me for a week after he got back .. not even a good to see you hug ..nothing. We have all the same friends and it was only when a mutual girlfriend mentioned that once again he had spent an outragous amount of money ..on strippers...again, that my gut feeling was validated. Did I mention he shaved his entire body the day before he left for a five day trip with the guys??? My gut immediately told me something was up. I finally asked him about it, he's response was this "I didn't buy any of my lapdances." AARRGGHH. So my question is, should I stay ..I know he loves me very much, and he says he doesn't want things to end ...he just wants to keep it exactly as is .. why rock the boat he says. He can't commit, says its him, not me ...but I guess since I don't have a reason why he won't commit ..I immediately blame myself .. which is now making me feel like total crap. Help ..please ..anyone been in this situation ... any guys out there that can shed some light on the non-commital man? P.S. we are both established in our careers, both of us are young professionals ..so I know money is not the issue ..as evident by the large amount of cash spent on strippers.
ls707 Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Hello, I'm new here, looking for some completely unbiased advice. Many thanks in advance!! Here goes .. My b/f and I have been together for 5 years, we have always had a good relationship, we've been happy despite the normal bumps in the road with any relationship. Here's the problem, I'm ready to take the next step, moving in together, getting engaged .. something, anything to move forward. He, on the other hand, is completely against it.... says he can't make that big of a commitment, says he doesn't want to live with or marry anybody ..ever. OK, I've always trusted him, he's never given me a reason not to ...despite the yearly bachelor party in which he spends an enormous amount of money on strippers. This last bachelor party, just a few months ago ... he was out of town for 5 days, didn't call me once, and didn't touch me for a week after he got back .. not even a good to see you hug ..nothing. We have all the same friends and it was only when a mutual girlfriend mentioned that once again he had spent an outragous amount of money ..on strippers...again, that my gut feeling was validated. Did I mention he shaved his entire body the day before he left for a five day trip with the guys??? My gut immediately told me something was up. I finally asked him about it, he's response was this "I didn't buy any of my lapdances." AARRGGHH. So my question is, should I stay ..I know he loves me very much, and he says he doesn't want things to end ...he just wants to keep it exactly as is .. why rock the boat he says. He can't commit, says its him, not me ...but I guess since I don't have a reason why he won't commit ..I immediately blame myself .. which is now making me feel like total crap. Help ..please ..anyone been in this situation ... any guys out there that can shed some light on the non-commital man? P.S. we are both established in our careers, both of us are young professionals ..so I know money is not the issue ..as evident by the large amount of cash spent on strippers. from a guys point of view; sounds like he wants to keep his cake and eat it. If you get what i mean. He wants to stay with you but at the same time spend exuberant amounts of cash on stripper?!?! From my stand point; If i had a 5 year relationship, I wouldn't be spending exuberant amounts for a stripper; i just don't see the point nor the need to. As for the non committal side of things; some guys are like this, they get very nervous or butterflies in their stomach at the talk of marriage; some don't mind commitment at all. Also this whole thing about shaving his body; that doesn't sit to well with me. Why bother? unless hes planning on doing a little bit of stripping himself?? Somethings not adding up here.
curiousnycgirl Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I don't understand the question here. You want the relationship to move forward, he doesn't. Your end goal appears to be marriage, his isn't. Sounds like your life goals are not in sync. If you take him at his word, and from what you've written there is no reason not to do so, then you either have to accept this is it, or move on. I'm not trying to be harsh - just realistic. I know it sucks, but sometimes that happens. You guys don't seem to have the same goals, so either change your goals, or you need to find a man who wants the same things you do. I'm really sorry you are going through this - but seems pretty clear to me.
Author 2468 Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 I left, three days into the break-up, my heart hurts!! Thanks for the advice, the shaving of the body really got me
curiousnycgirl Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 My heart goes out to you! We are here for you if you need to vent/cry/whatever! Hang tough and work on getting yourself to a better place. It will get better it just takes time.
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