in need of words of wisdom.....

[PoguethePenguin723]

[sIZE=2]Ok, so I need some help, I need and want to break things off with my boyfriend, I am just not really sure how I should go about the whole thing.....so I was hoping that you all could give me a bit of help.......This might be a little long (or short) depending on how you veiw it...and it might be a little confussing (but I will try to organize my thoughts and everything as best as I can). [/sIZE]

 

 

[sIZE=2][sIZE=2]Well, me and my BF has been dating on and off since 2004.....the thing is I have broken his heart breaking it off with him two other times before, and he is going through such a hard time right now, that I am kind of holding it off....(Which I do realise isnt right and is leading him on) but I just cant find the heart to hurt him at this time, I sorda feel that I owe it to him....I do feel horriable though, I find myself dreading talking to him, like it is more of a chore now then anything. Spending time with him isnt enjoyable anymore, and it is getting harder and harder to act like I am happy to be with him....and I believe that he is starting to notice this as well. [/sIZE]

 

 

[sIZE=2][sIZE=2]The other reason I am kinda holding off on breaking it off with him is because he keeps saying things like "I love you so much" or "I dunno what I would do without you in my life you are the only true joy in it" or will go even further as to say "My life would just end without you, I couldnt go on, I would die without you." The couple of times I tried to talk to him about taking a small break he blew up at me completely, argueing (Which we have gotten so we do about 4 or 5 times a day...its taking a big drain on me emontionally and I hate the argueing so much) saying stuff like "You never cared about me!", "You hate me!", "I hate you! how could you do this to me!?!", "No body wants me! and without you life is pointless! I should just go and kill myself!" which in turn makes me feel bad, and I just drop the subject. [/sIZE]

 

 

[sIZE=2][sIZE=2]I am not a commitment-phobe now, but I am only 17 and he is only 20. So when he talks about us getting married I think about it, and then I cant see it happening, I dont want to get married right away after highschool......I want to go to college and things like that, I want to get to experince some things in life before I settle down like that. Im just young there are things that I want to do before I can settle down and have a family....I mean I want to make sure that they can have a good life and stuff....and with him being only 20 I think that he has alot of life ahead of him.....but he just doesnt realise it...and everytime I make a comment that leaves him out of the picture for my future he will say "What you dont want me around?" or if I say something that includes me not being in his he makes comments like "I dont have a future without you." or "I cant imagine being with someone else and marrying someone besides you and having children with someone other then you." (which again makes me feel so bad about wanting to leave him)[/sIZE]

 

 

[sIZE=2][sIZE=2]Again like I mentioned before, all we ever do is argue, argue, argue, and I hate it....its taking its toll on me, and every time I try to explain that I need him to stop getting so mad at me just because I didnt answer my cell when he called, or because I was hanging out at my friends and her male cousins came over, or get mad because one of my guy friends says something totally perverted but werent even directing it towards me....it would just be about something that was said that became an inside joke, or about some girl that he had been talking to me about a few days before or something, or when I dont tell him every detial that he wants to know. ect. [/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]for example.....if me and my boyfriend are on the phone, and me and my mother start talking he will demand that I tell him what me and my mother had talked about...and then get mad if I dont. Then there is he hates me hanging out or talking with my wonderful cousin (who is like a sister to me) and her husband (who is like a brother to me) all because he is "Worried that they will bring up my ex and try to get me back together with him" which for the life of me I cant understand how he thinks that would work anyway because my ex is now married himself. basicly he gets jealous and stuff and picky over everything....and so then we argue over everything and I just cant stand it. [/sIZE]

 

 

[sIZE=2][sIZE=2]Of course there is one guy friend of mine that he does hate me talking to.....and I admit that even though I reasure him that he has nothing to worry about that there is alot to worry about, me and the guy have known each other for a loooong while, and I have always kinda had a thing for him.....but he never admitted to having a thing for me intill recently......now even though my BF doesnt really know the whole thing with this....he doesnt like me talking to the guy.....(which the guy never really did anything to make him not like him) he just doesnt like him cause he had asked me about the guy and I had told him about him, then asked if I ever liked him.....and he said I better tell the truth, so I told him that I use to have a small crush on him a long time ago, and then he got all mad and said he didnt like me talking to the guy.....(I cant really date the guy right now, even if I break up with my BF but that is another story) but I do know that it is wrong to be with my BF if I have feelings for someone else. [/sIZE]

 

 

[sIZE=2][sIZE=2]Its just like I said in the begining.....I dont know how to break it off with him without all the VERY negative reactions that I get from him.....so please help if you can. [/sIZE]

[/sIZE][/sIZE][/sIZE][/sIZE][/sIZE][/sIZE]

[eric82]

break ups cause people to get hurt. it's inevitable.

 

you can't break up guilt-free after feelings have developed.

 

but what you can do is stop breaking his heart.

 

show him respect by being completely honest about your feelings and remaining firm in your decision.

 

by going back and forth and delaying the end, you're just hurting him more and prolonging all the confusion and negativity.

 

think of it this way, if you were in his position, how would you want to be treated, how would you want him to go about ending it?

[Jinnah]

It's like ripping off a band-aid... do it quickly... and no going back. That's what gives people the false hope. It makes them think you will always end up getting back together.