restraining order

[I&ME]

I met my boyfriend in 2005, been together since. all going well. He is european, I am Chinese. His family know about me, though we have never met. because his dad does not allow him to be with an Asian, they simply have no intention to meet me. we thought time would solve the problem, once his dad know we are serious about each other, once he get to know what sort of person I am.

 

Now, his dad tell him that, if we keep seeing each other he will apply for a restraining order against me that by law I will not be allowed to come within so many kilometers of my boyfriend. He told my boyfriend, only if he prove I am out of his life 100%. He will apply for such a order.

 

We are in our early 20s.

To me his dad has no rights to do so. am I right?

But it has shown how much he dislike me based on my ethinicity.

 

I do not know what to do. My boyfriend said his dad is so powerful, that he can not disobey him. He is very upset too.

 

His dad have told his before not to see me anymore, but we did not think it would be this serious. and we thought we could face the problem and solve it with time.

 

I can't belive this is happening to us.

 

I am totally heart broken.

I think we are such a good couple. we are best friends, we talk about everything with each other. never fight. I just can't believe why his dad wants to seperate us. He was once young, but why he is not even giving us a chance.

 

I know I still have to live my life. But I can't stoping crying, can't bear the pain to think I will never see my boyfriend again and to imaging a life without him.

 

I don't know if I am here for some comfort, or a solution. or if there is any solution at all.

 

I&ME

[Tony T]

In most jurisdictions around the world, in order to obtain a restraining order a hearing is held before a judge during which it must be proven that the person seeking the restraining order has been harassed, abused, assaulted or otherwise harmed by someone or is in danger of being further harmed in some way. This restraining order must be sought by the person who is the victim. The order is usually good for one year and can be renewed if circumstances warrant.

 

A court would never issue a restraining order solely on the basis of your nationality.

 

His father is obviously going to cause you a great deal of anguish in the future. Your best bet is to stay away from your boyfriend for a period of time and then slowly begin to see him again. I don't see how you can have a quality relationship with a man if his father is going to interfere to the extent of seeking legal sanctions against you. That's simply insane.

 

Understand, too, that if his father interferes to this extent in his life now...it will be just as bad or worse if the two of you got married.

[Citizen Erased]

If your boyfriend obeys his father and goes along with the retraining order (as your bf needs to be the one to petition the court for it) then he is spineless and not at all someone you should consider wasting your emotional energy on.

[birdie]

maybe this is an opportunity for you to look at your relationship with your boyfriend. I've never been in a situation as bad as yours but before I married my husband I knew my mother was against us for various reasons (she wouldn't even speak to him) but that never stopped me loving him and marrying him.

 

your boyfriend must be able to stand on his own feet, behave like a man and take responsibility for his own future - rather than allow his bullying father to tell him what to do.

[I&ME]

his dad has told him before not to see me again, but we thought if we love each other, wait till we are both older, maybe things will get better, as my boyfriend would be more independent.

 

But guess his dad found out we are still seeing each other. and told my boyfriend about the restrainning order thing. My boyfriend does not want the order at all, but he simply can't disobey his dad. Seems its a family tradition thing. just cant believe it is true his dad even thought about legal action. and I feeling so bad for my boyfriend that he can't even choose who to be with. He is the oldest son in the family. I guess a big family, and wealthy family, his dad have so many requirement for his daughter in law. number one is : she must be an european. my boyfriend is hurt and has argued with his dad before. He said his dad is a very powerful man, His mum doesn't mind, but she has to support his dad whatever he decide.

 

I understand it would be so hard to get along with his parents, quality of our relationship won't be good at all.

 

But the pain just unbearable. I don't know how long it will take me to feel better.

[jcster]

It sounds to me like his dad has threatened his inheritance. And, he's decided to go along with his father, rather than be poor and with you.

 

In the United States, it's very difficult to get a restraining order. There has to be a clear case of harrasment in order to get one issued. I sincerely doubt that his father would be able to file one on his son's behalf.

 

I think you should talk to your boyfriend and find out just WHY he won't disobey his father. If it's an issue of money, then you will know what his priorities are.

[woodsfield]

that's insane.

 

you and the BF need to go have a "sit down" with the "big and powerful" old man before you make any decision. meet him. talk to him. tell him exactly how you feel about your BF.

 

this is the test of your's and his young life. don't let the father make a decsion for you that would leave you wondering "what if" with YOUR man for the rest of your life. your BF needs to stand up for you if he loves you and you need to stand up and fight for him if you love him.

 

this cannot be easy at all....i feel for you. good luck!

[I&ME]

thanks for all your replys. I really don't know what to do. yes, I do wonder "what if..."

 

His dad has told him many times not to see me again. and remembering the first time I called him house phone, his dad answered the phone, and tell me my boyfriend is not at home when my boyfriend is really just in another room of the house. since then we know he does not want his son be with me. I never call his house again.

 

His dad has forced him to called one night to tell me that we will never speak and see each other again. and my boyfriend did it. but the same night in the middle of the night. my boyfriend called me while his dad was asleep. he told me to be strong.

 

last saturday night, my boyfriend smsed, sweet sms, and tell me our relationship is one part of my life that i do not need to worry about. he send another sms later on said to me, that I am his hunni, that he love me.

 

one night last week, around 11pm, he sent me a long email, told me about the restraining order thing, and he said he can not disobey his dad, he can not disobey his blood. he has to consider the wellbeing of his family wish, he love me, but love is far thinner than blood, he said my thought will be with him forever, and that we must part.

 

then, next day I found he has deleted me from his MSN messenger.

 

I don't knwo how wealthy his family is. probably very wealthy, he is the eldest son, his younger brother is no way can take over his dad's business. He will be the one. I don't know how much this factor contirbute to the current situation. But from what my boyfriend told me, his dad told him that he will to be with a european girl.

 

 

I don't know if there is a point for me to contact him and sit down to talk. He maybe not even want to anymore.

 

I think I know I should move on with my life. I am struggling with my project and my application for my PhD right now, I know I can not afford to loss concentration in my study, that I will fail what I had work really hard for the last couple of years.

 

But, there always a but, I can think logically, I can do what I should, rather than what I want, but I can not control the deep dull pain in my heart that seems not going away.

 

I go to meetings, conferences, I smile. everyone told me, I never upset, never seems to be sad. when I back home each day, when my bedroom door closed behind me, I just burst into tears, and I have been crying to sleep everyday for the past week.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

I&ME

[VIP]

If your boyfriend cannot disobey his father, he is a boy, not a man.

[VIP]

he said he can not disobey his dad, he can not disobey his blood. he has to consider the wellbeing of his family wish, he love me, but love is far thinner than blood, he said my thought will be with him forever, and that we must part.

 

then, next day I found he has deleted me from his MSN messenger.

 

If he cannot disobey his blood and if love is thinner than blood, you would always be number two for him. Your man should consider you a priority number one, he should protect you and stand by you no matter what. And this person can never be that type of a man.

[Green]

sounds like a bad situation, I would move on if I were u, Iknow it hurts but thats what u need to do. If this guy comes after you and gets the dad out of the picture then give him a chance other wise just forget it...