lava life long distance date

[D-Lish]

sooooo....

 

Here's the crazy story.

I met a guy online... and we started chatting. There is a lot of chemistry. We talked on the phone- saw each other on web cam daily, texted non stop. This went on for about 6 weeks.

 

Problem- he lives across country.

 

So, we decide I will fly out to see him. Everything, seems so awesome. On paper, he is a great match for me.

 

We continue to gush over one another- text back and forth and talk a million times a day, and then 3 days before I am to go...he gets weird and distant.

 

The story is. His ex came by his place to tell him she thinks he is pregnant. Okay.... devastating news for him. And.... he asks me to cancel my trip, which I willingly do.

 

Of course I wondered if it was a BS story, etc.

 

We still talked. Then he found out she wasn't pregnant- and begged me to come out and visit him.... trying to resume the romance.

 

My dilemma is..... do I look like a pushover if I go?

I had to cancel my flight- lose my deposit on a flight and hotel.... spent money on getting my dogs shots for the kennel.... so I was a little bitter to cancel.

 

I don't know if I should go or not. I do like him , but I am upset about making arrangements and having him cancel on me, only to turn around and ask me to rebook.

 

What do you think?

What would you do?

Would you fly across country for a possible love connection- or is that silly?

[garnet]

If it were me, I'd hold off on making the trip. You went through a lot to prepare for the trip just to have him tell you not to come at the last minute...that is rough.

 

More than anything I'd be worried about the fact that he just got out of a relationship and still seems to have some drama going on with the ex.

 

Nothing wrong with waiting a little longer for things to settle back down again, and yes it's possible you could appear as a pushover. After all that you went through to make the effort, what's wrong with him coming to visit you?

[D-Lish]

You're right Garnet.

 

I did tell him if he wanted to see me he should come here.

I agree with that sentiment.

 

I so don't want to appear like a pushover.

Thanks.

D

[ls707]

sooooo....

 

Here's the crazy story.

I met a guy online... and we started chatting. There is a lot of chemistry. We talked on the phone- saw each other on web cam daily, texted non stop. This went on for about 6 weeks.

 

Problem- he lives across country.

 

So, we decide I will fly out to see him. Everything, seems so awesome. On paper, he is a great match for me.

 

We continue to gush over one another- text back and forth and talk a million times a day, and then 3 days before I am to go...he gets weird and distant.

 

The story is. His ex came by his place to tell him she thinks he is pregnant. Okay.... devastating news for him. And.... he asks me to cancel my trip, which I willingly do.

 

Of course I wondered if it was a BS story, etc.

 

We still talked. Then he found out she wasn't pregnant- and begged me to come out and visit him.... trying to resume the romance.

 

My dilemma is..... do I look like a pushover if I go?

I had to cancel my flight- lose my deposit on a flight and hotel.... spent money on getting my dogs shots for the kennel.... so I was a little bitter to cancel.

 

I don't know if I should go or not. I do like him , but I am upset about making arrangements and having him cancel on me, only to turn around and ask me to rebook.

 

What do you think?

What would you do?

Would you fly across country for a possible love connection- or is that silly?

 

i think you should hold off a bit, you incurred a bit of expenses that was not necessary. On the other end of the spectrum; we all have heard of the quote "things happen out of the blue". Life throws things at us that we don't completely expect; and using that logic I don't think he really knew his ex was gonna show up at his door step with pregnancy scare.

 

But it brings up a very important question as to why? why did his ex suddenly show up at his door step with a pregnancy scare? Are they having a FWB relationship; is it a FWB that he got bored of? I don't know. Just brings up questions thats all.

 

A love connection can be made anywhere/ at anytime IMHO. Just give it some time see how it goes; but hold off on the trip. Talk over the phone if you must/ msn/web cam, but just hold off on the trip maybe a few weeks or a month maybe.

[Tony T]

From a practical standpoint you may be in for very serious disappointment. Chemistry can only be detected in person and you have no idea whatsoever what your in-person chemistry with this guy will be. Once you are able to interact with him one-on-one, it may be more awkward than you can stand.

 

Don't get your hopes up about this guy. He might be Mr. Right but the chances are excellent he is a dud. Remember, it's extremely easy to be perfect on the telephone and easy to fall for a voice. I would seriously caution you about making a big investment in seeing somebody who at best could be a nice, though distant, phone friend.

 

How many guys have you met right there in your town that you've had hot chemistry with??? And you really think that's going to happen on the Internet with somebody miles away???

 

I do wish you great luck with this. But just remember that everything about him has been concocted in your head and does not exist in reality. The only reality is some nice emails, messages and phone calls. The proof will be in the meeting and that's such a horrendous gamble you've got to be wanting love extremely bad to want to take that chance.

[Lizzie60]

I have a feeling the excuse was b*ll****. If I were you I would not plan any trip anymore...you did it once... now it's HIS turn.

 

No way I would lose any more energy or money on this guy. There is something 'fishy' about him... be careful.

[Kamille]

D-Lish! How I missed you darling!

 

Well, if he lives East, you can always come see your good friend me instead of him .

 

There's no rush honey. Just tell him you don't feel confortable of yet making the trip and see how things go from there. Maybe in a few weeks the two of you will have managed to put this whole episode behind you and you will, again, feel happy about making plans to see each other.

[Yamaha]

I have a feeling the excuse was b*ll****. If I were you I would not plan any trip anymore...you did it once... now it's HIS turn.

 

No way I would lose any more energy or money on this guy. There is something 'fishy' about him... be careful.

 

I totally agree with Lizzie. His timing sounds to convenient for it to have just happened. Tony is right in that chemistry can only be determined in person. If he wants to see you he should make the trip but I wouldn't get your hopes up as most on-line relationships turn out to be duds.

[highsierra]

You should also think about where it could all go..... From my point of view... A LDR is one thing that is INCREDIBLY trying emotionally, especially, if you are just starting to see each other (ie. just dating)..... Talking onthe phone and texting only can go so far, and eventually go stale.

[uniqueone]

I'm with Tony T.....not only is it the chemistry thing but I've just had a similar experience and believe me, you really don't know these people on the phone/online well enough like you think they do.

 

You don't want to have happen to you what happened to me. What I thought would be a great trip turned into one which made me very depressed....he abandoned me there.

[Kamille]

I get a sense that the advice here is overly overprotective. If none of us ever take a chance with anyone, then how will any of us ever fall in love?

 

I'm the last to advocate rushing into anything but I also think it's important to have confidence in ourselves. Enough so that we can take that chance every once in awhile and see how things turn out knowing that we are strong individuals. Enough to give someone else a chance and not expect them to show up in our lives fully formed to our every expectations.

 

A lot of us give advice based on our fears, and our past hurts and experiences. I just think we need to also leave room for optimism once in awhile. Feed not only that little voice that tells us to beware, but also the one that moves us to take action.

[Green]

first off ahhh what r u doing. this whole thing is probably a bad idea but then again I wouldnt exist right now if it wasnt for bad ideas so go ahead do what ever you want. come visit me some time