What do I do now?

[spike7165]

Please could I get some advice on what to do now:

 

I have just agreed to split up with my partner of two and a half years. The situation is somewhat complex.

We initially had a very long distance LDR with me visiting and this turned into me moving to be with her and her son and me attempting to start a business.

The business has not worked out and I have become sad and stressed by it and the money situation. Additionally she has lost the man she fell in love with who was successful and had pride in himself, for one who has no pride, or respect and is just trying to make a pound/dollar to stay with her.

This has all led her to feel very guilty that it is her fault I did that and that I am still trying to do that when she knows I am capable of so much more in my home country.

So, I know she is desperate for me to still be in her life as we are like best friends, and she doesn't want me to lose contact with her son. I also know that she still loves me.

After all the stress lifted from my shoulders yesterday when I agreed that I should finish the business and get a good job again she said I was like the old guy she knew and was so wonderful and great. Was very affectionate to me, told me she loved me and we kissed and made love like we did months ago.

I know what she has said about me is true, I have changed and not been true to myself and have gone down in the world. She feels very guilty about it and not happy I am sacrificing my previously good career for her.

We are in the process of separating the home, when she came home last night from being out with her friends, we made love again and had a good talk and she said she wanted me to go back up in the world, sort out my money mess and get a good job and she said she would wait for me.

I asked if she was just saying all this about waiting and wanting me to be part of her life to make it easier on me, but I gave her a way out and she said it was not true.

So what do I do now. I know for sure once I leave this country I am certainly not going to be able to see her easily again. Standard opinion seems to be to have NC but on the above situation where you don't hate each other, where there is no affair and where her reasons are very genuine and she is right about me and wants me to fix myself, is NC the only option?

I feel strongly like she needs my support to talk to as well as we are best friends, she talks to me before her female friends a lot of the time and we have always been so close.

I also know that I am torn up now and will be even more when all I can do is speak to her sometimes.

I know that I have a small chance to repair the damage by sorting myself out and she will come to England. I believe her when she says that as there is nothing in this country for her but she does need time on her own.

 

Anyway sorry for the long post, it's a really complicated situation not helped by the different nationalities and distances and also by the fact that it would be a lot easier to deal with if we hated each other, somebody slept with someone else and we had a big argument and stormed off!!

 

I should also add that I am 99.9% certain there is no one else in the picture. As I said it's my personality and behaviour as well as my self respect and pride which has changed not her.

 

Thanks All I really appreciate your time to read this.

[spike7165]

Just a quick addition to this because this is doing my head in:

Apart from the fact I am leaving the country, everything looks normal! We had lunch together, I dropped her at home, she said she loves me, gave me a kiss etc etc you get the idea....

She is of a different nationality and is pretty laid back and seems to be seeing this as a break not break up, but I just dont know. So confused.

She wants me to go up in the world, make some money for me first and then her. She talked about a business with her and said she wants to talk to me every day but just to not keep calling and pressure her.

She also said that she would wait for me!!

So my read of it is that she has got a bit hurt by my behaviour, lost some respect and is giving me a chance to show her what I've got. But she obviously does need some space as it is has been a rough few months.

I just don't know whether I am seeing this through rose tinted glasses and she is softening the blow. I did ask and said if you are not being genuine please tell me with no hard feelings over a nice lunch, so no pressure to lie and she said no, you asked me that already and I told you I would wait and what I wanted.

Any opinions....I don't want to punish myself by trying for someone who's not interested but she seems to be giving me every single encouragement to keep trying other than needing some space.

I guess if we lived in the same country and I had my career and money sorted out, we would have a break, the distance thing just makes this difficult when I dont know whether we are going back to an LDR where she waits for me OR she's not interested and is letting me down gently.

Any ideas?