Confused85 Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 I dont know if you all have read my other posts, but me and my boyfriend i guess people question him bc of the events that made us be exclusive...brief summary, my boyfriend was seeing this woman for years, they broke it off because they was really serious, and he got with me, and he was still begging and pleading her to be his friend, i would see things and they have a very deep relationship, all the while telling her he cant be with her because he is not a man, and that he would hurt her and that he cares about her too much to do that, and how he cant do what she requires of him and now he is with me! During this whole time I have never got what he meant by hurting her well now today, I overheard their conversation (i picked up the phone when he was talking to her) they were talking about them and what happenned and he was telling her how he is not the man for a monogamous relationship, and that he is not one to want to grow and nurture in a relationship, and she was like yeah she knows and hopes he gets himself together (they talk about everything from what ive seen, stuff he doesnt even share with me) and he was also telling her, how because he was not a monogomous person its not that he didnt want to be with her, he just COULDNT....what i dont get is why is he with me? What does that mean? He is monogamous with me, and we are growing, i thought we was going to get married, and he telling her she would be the type he would marry! what does this mean?
Author Confused85 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 No one has advice??????????!! I need help!
uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I dont know if you all have read my other posts, but me and my boyfriend i guess people question him bc of the events that made us be exclusive...brief summary, my boyfriend was seeing this woman for years, they broke it off because they was really serious, and he got with me, and he was still begging and pleading her to be his friend, i would see things and they have a very deep relationship, all the while telling her he cant be with her because he is not a man, and that he would hurt her and that he cares about her too much to do that, and how he cant do what she requires of him and now he is with me! During this whole time I have never got what he meant by hurting her well now today, I overheard their conversation (i picked up the phone when he was talking to her) they were talking about them and what happenned and he was telling her how he is not the man for a monogamous relationship, and that he is not one to want to grow and nurture in a relationship, and she was like yeah she knows and hopes he gets himself together (they talk about everything from what ive seen, stuff he doesnt even share with me) and he was also telling her, how because he was not a monogomous person its not that he didnt want to be with her, he just COULDNT....what i dont get is why is he with me? What does that mean? He is monogamous with me, and we are growing, i thought we was going to get married, and he telling her she would be the type he would marry! what does this mean? What is it going to take for you to see this all clearly? He's using you because he doesn't have a job. He's having an emotional affair (at least) with his ex GF. He's abusive. What are you going to tolerate next?
birdie Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 yeah, sorry Confused but I think he is just using you. he is comfortable because he's known you for a while and that but if I read it correctly from your other post, you are financially supporting him. I think you need to look into yourself and find why it is that you think you can't do better than this situation and why you would stick with somebody like him
Author Confused85 Posted September 5, 2007 Author Posted September 5, 2007 What is it going to take for you to see this all clearly? He's using you because he doesn't have a job. He's having an emotional affair (at least) with his ex GF. He's abusive. What are you going to tolerate next? He was with me when he had a job, so thats not it dont you think? I mean im new to ALL of this, so thats why Im asking...And I still dont get the monogamy thing
Author Confused85 Posted September 5, 2007 Author Posted September 5, 2007 yeah, sorry Confused but I think he is just using you. he is comfortable because he's known you for a while and that but if I read it correctly from your other post, you are financially supporting him. I think you need to look into yourself and find why it is that you think you can't do better than this situation and why you would stick with somebody like him Why do you think he is using me? Hes known that girl longer so why me?
VIP Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 I think this is just an excuse he is using because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.
Author Confused85 Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 Do you really think so? Its so many people on this site and i just want help!
starlite Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Well, this is tough. Either it is because he needs to make an excuse OR Have you two discussed your relationship and what you both expect? Is he monogomous? If his ex was really just an "ex" I dont think he would be telling her that she is the kind of girl he wants to marry. It sounds like he couldnt give her what she wanted and so he moved on to you. Are you putting pressure on him to be exclusive? Has that been discussed? Or assumed?
Author Confused85 Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 Well, this is tough. Either it is because he needs to make an excuse OR Have you two discussed your relationship and what you both expect? Is he monogomous? If his ex was really just an "ex" I dont think he would be telling her that she is the kind of girl he wants to marry. It sounds like he couldnt give her what she wanted and so he moved on to you. Are you putting pressure on him to be exclusive? Has that been discussed? Or assumed? Well when I met him I knew he had a lot of girls and he flirted alot and he still does....Well last year I told him yeah i was going to leave so then he made me his girlfriend, but he knows i dont do that cheating thing. Supposedly the girl wanted "all or nothing" whatever that means and he felt that he couldnt give that to her..something like that..like i heard him say he didnt want to ruin what they had if he hurts her because he knows he will and thats why he couldnt be with her..I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! Because he is WITH ME?!
Krytellan Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 I think people are going to stop helping because you don't seem to want advice, you want someone to tell you that he wants you more than her or that he loves you. I don't think that's gonna happen. No one wants to give advice and be argued with or dismissed.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 listen carefully. this guy, your boyfriend, is not monogamous. that means he wants to sleep more than one person, which means having sex with other people, and NOT JUST YOU. this other woman, his ex, must have found out somehow that your boyfriend felt this way and will not be with him. kudos to him that he won't be with her and lie to her, he refuses to actually. but he won't agree with sleep with only one person. and that doesn't mean he's not having sex with her, he might be. he is just refusing a monogamous relationship with her. the problem is that he doesn't have this kind of honesty with you, in fact, he lies to you about everything while being pretty honest and fair with someone he isn't dating. basically, your boyfriend does cheat on you or will cheat on you, because he admits he will NOT be monogamous. yet he doesn't admit it to you...so that means he doesn't want you to know anything about it. so if you stay with him with the knowledge you now know, you might as well accept that he will be having sex with other women, and not telling you truth about any of it.
Author Confused85 Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 listen carefully. this guy, your boyfriend, is not monogamous. that means he wants to sleep more than one person, which means having sex with other people, and NOT JUST YOU. this other woman, his ex, must have found out somehow that your boyfriend felt this way and will not be with him. kudos to him that he won't be with her and lie to her, he refuses to actually. but he won't agree with sleep with only one person. and that doesn't mean he's not having sex with her, he might be. he is just refusing a monogamous relationship with her. the problem is that he doesn't have this kind of honesty with you, in fact, he lies to you about everything while being pretty honest and fair with someone he isn't dating. basically, your boyfriend does cheat on you or will cheat on you, because he admits he will NOT be monogamous. yet he doesn't admit it to you...so that means he doesn't want you to know anything about it. so if you stay with him with the knowledge you now know, you might as well accept that he will be having sex with other women, and not telling you truth about any of it. Thank you for your advice. And I get that, and I need to make some changes then. But why would he be with me and "doesnt want me to know anything about it? Why would he agree to be with me and he didnt want that? Do men do that?
KenzieAbsolutely Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Thank you for your advice. And I get that, and I need to make some changes then. But why would he be with me and "doesnt want me to know anything about it? Why would he agree to be with me and he didnt want that? Do men do that? he stays with you because you don't know about it yet. he knows once you find out he will not be monogamous that you will not want to be with him. he already lost one woman because he is unwilling to change his ways, so he is probably not very excited to tell you and risk your relationship. what it is going to come down to is how much pretending you're willing to do. he will stay not in a relationship with someone who expects him to sleep with one woman at a time. he has said so. what you do with that information is up to you.
Author Confused85 Posted September 8, 2007 Author Posted September 8, 2007 listen carefully. this guy, your boyfriend, is not monogamous. that means he wants to sleep more than one person, which means having sex with other people, and NOT JUST YOU. this other woman, his ex, must have found out somehow that your boyfriend felt this way and will not be with him. kudos to him that he won't be with her and lie to her, he refuses to actually. but he won't agree with sleep with only one person. and that doesn't mean he's not having sex with her, he might be. he is just refusing a monogamous relationship with her. . So if hes refusing with her, why didnt he do the same with me? why would he say that to one and not the other? basically, your boyfriend does cheat on you or will cheat on you, because he admits he will NOT be monogamous. yet he doesn't admit it to you...so that means he doesn't want you to know anything about it. If a man knows they dont want to be with one person and he told her this and KNOWS this, why is he with me? Why would a person be with someone if they know they dont want to be. I guess my friend was right by saying its only one person in the relationship and i guess thats me, she has told me im something to do, but i guess i didt listen
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