bestadvisor Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Why did you do this exactly? I thought I read in one of your posts that you also led her to believe that you were going to be separated from your wife as well. Are you wanting something from this OW? No offense, but you seem hooked too... please tell me I'm wrong... I would love to be right now. Yes, he was hooked to a woman whom he later found out that he didn't even like during a walk at the beach. I don't think he was that attracted to her, but just the attention she is giving him. I think your wife will be devastaed if she found out about those emails and that "romantic" beach walk. Did you ever have dinner, lunch, or coffee with this OW? If so, how many times, and what's the "chemistry" like?
Jinnah Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 But back to the question of the e-mail from the OW I received. I decided to attempt to meet with her and sent her a reply late last night asking to meet her face to face tomorrow. I really believe that if she just sees my face when I tell her that I want no more contact that everything will be clear to her. I expect that I will get a reply very soon and will let you know what she says. Did you see my earlier post when I said you should do what your wife would want you to at this point, among other things? You should read it. If your wife knew about this, I guarantee she would NOT want you meeting with this OW tomorrow. If I were her, I would POSSIBLY be able to forgive you for your previous actions, but heck no to meeting her again. I would NEVER trust that you didn't do something and just weren't saying. You are about to turn this into an irreparable mess. You obviously have some sort of feeling there, because it you didn't, you would be putting your wife first by NOT MEETING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!! And right after her mom died, my God! This is horrible. Now I feel REALLY bad for your wife. Her feelings should come first. You have no right to do this to her because you are angry that she is busy with work and what not. This has turned into a babyish excuse. I thought you were a good guy that made a mistake, but now I'm not so sure... sorry. I don't like being so blunt, but you really need to hear it... sometimes it helps.
Author Treatment Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Yes, he was hooked to a woman whom he later found out that he didn't even like during a walk at the beach. I don't think he was that attracted to her, but just the attention she is giving him. I think your wife will be devastaed if she found out about those emails and that "romantic" beach walk. Did you ever have dinner, lunch, or coffee with this OW? If so, how many times, and what's the "chemistry" like? Yes, we ate lunch together a couple of times. For my part I didn't feel any chemistry. She wasn't the kind of woman I feel attracted to either physically or emotionally. She made me feel smart partly because she wasn't. But I'm not attracted to unintelligent women. Physically I like women who are shapely and prefer those who are not very tall. She didn't fit either of those criteria. When I met her and chatted with her she seemed like a nice woman but I had never really spent any time around her. The times that I met with her I could see that she wasn't kind, and she certainly wasn't interested in my welfare. She was cold hearted and seemed to be someone who was out for her own gain. The better she knew me, and the more she thought I had commitment towards her the more she wanted from me. She acted towards me as if I owed her my time and that I should do anything for her that she wanted. She seemed out for herself and herself alone. I wouldn't ever be interested in spending another moment in her presece
Jinnah Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Yes, we ate lunch together a couple of times. For my part I didn't feel any chemistry. She wasn't the kind of woman I feel attracted to either physically or emotionally. She made me feel smart partly because she wasn't. But I'm not attracted to unintelligent women. Physically I like women who are shapely and prefer those who are not very tall. She didn't fit either of those criteria. When I met her and chatted with her she seemed like a nice woman but I had never really spent any time around her. The times that I met with her I could see that she wasn't kind, and she certainly wasn't interested in my welfare. She was cold hearted and seemed to be someone who was out for her own gain. The better she knew me, and the more she thought I had commitment towards her the more she wanted from me. She acted towards me as if I owed her my time and that I should do anything for her that she wanted. She seemed out for herself and herself alone. I wouldn't ever be interested in spending another moment in her presece Well, get used to it because once your wife finds out you keep meeting with this woman and leaves you, she might be all you have. I'm serious. You will be lying to your wife about your whereabouts, I assume?? You are headed for trouble.
Author Treatment Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Did you see my earlier post when I said you should do what your wife would want you to at this point, among other things? I did see it, but not until after I had already sent the e-mail. You have no right to do this to her because you are angry that she is busy with work and what not. This has turned into a babyish excuse. I thought you were a good guy that made a mistake, but now I'm not so sure... sorry. I don't like being so blunt, but you really need to hear it... sometimes it helps. No offense, but you aren't on the right page here. I'm not meeting with her because I'm mad at my wife. I'm meeting with her to make it completely clear to her face that there will be NO MORE CONTACT. That I am NOT INTERESTED. That I want to work on my marriage. I felt like a face to face meeting would wipe out any question marks she may have. I didn't see all of the email telling me not to send the email until I'd already sent it. And as far as her being all I have? I'd rot in hell alone before I'd ever spend another minute with her other than getting her off my back and out of my life.
Jinnah Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I did see it, but not until after I had already sent the e-mail. No offense, but you aren't on the right page here. I'm not meeting with her because I'm mad at my wife. I'm meeting with her to make it completely clear to her face that there will be NO MORE CONTACT. That I am NOT INTERESTED. That I want to work on my marriage. I felt like a face to face meeting would wipe out any question marks she may have. I didn't see all of the email telling me not to send the email until I'd already sent it. And as far as her being all I have? I'd rot in hell alone before I'd ever spend another minute with her other than getting her off my back and out of my life. I understand. I really don't think your wife would want you to meet with her though. I think she would be really pissed off to know this, and you are eventually going to have to tell her. Please think about this. Also, this woman is probably getting all excited about the meeting.
Author Treatment Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 I just checked my email again. Got a response. She said she's not sure if she wants to meet me and feels a "little bitter" about what happened. So now I'm going to follow everyone's advice and leave it alone. I won't reply to this e-mail. Someone here said this was the response I should expect. I admit I was surprised but I also think she knew what I was going to say. So since this was expected by at least some of you what should I expect when she gets no response from me?
Jinnah Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 This is great that you two are not meeting... better for your marriage. She probably wants you to beg her and she is probably playing the old game of hard to get. It does not work when you are a homewrecker because everyone knows how you really are... NOT hard to get. I hope you are now turned off, lol.
Author Treatment Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Turned off is the least of it. What a slimy creature. I feel so unclean that I had any contact with her at all. My attitude towards women has taken a permanent shift. Do you think she will approach my wife? That is and always has been my biggest concern.
Jinnah Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I'm happy to hear you feel that way about her. I do not think she will actually contact your wife, although she could try to make you think she will. I bet you learned a lesson here though, and that's good. Just to be sure, I would tell your wife what happened as soon as reasonably possible... then it won't matter what the dumb woman does.
bestadvisor Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Turned off is the least of it. What a slimy creature. I feel so unclean that I had any contact with her at all. My attitude towards women has taken a permanent shift. Do you think she will approach my wife? That is and always has been my biggest concern. There are two things I don't understand: 1) Why did you spent time with her at the beach? You must have lied to your wife where you were when you were at the beach with her? 2) Why do you want to meet her face to face to end it when you clearly stated in your email that you're ending it.
silktricks Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I just checked my email again. Got a response. She said she's not sure if she wants to meet me and feels a "little bitter" about what happened. So now I'm going to follow everyone's advice and leave it alone. I won't reply to this e-mail. Someone here said this was the response I should expect. I admit I was surprised but I also think she knew what I was going to say. So since this was expected by at least some of you what should I expect when she gets no response from me? She's trying to pull you back in. Please make sure you have NO MORE CONTACT with her at all!!!!! If she gets right in your face, then maybe, but NOTHING else. Also, when you can, you should probably tell your wife everything that happened - including how you ended it. I hope everything works out good for both of you. Getting some MC would be beneficial as well. You need to talk to your wife about how you became vulnerable to this woman. You also need to talk to her about her needs that aren't being met. Please, don't just focus on yourself, other wise this isn't going to work out well.
Author Treatment Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 There are two things I don't understand: 1) Why did you spent time with her at the beach? You must have lied to your wife where you were when you were at the beach with her? 2) Why do you want to meet her face to face to end it when you clearly stated in your email that you're ending it. I don't understand why you are so concerned about what I did when I was still seeing her. If my wife asked me where I was I'm certain I lied. I'm not certain that my wife asked. She came up and we met. She asked me to take her to my boat. I refused to do that, but took her to the park (where there is a beach). I don't know "why" I took her there. It was someplace to go. You are the one who continually phrases it as "romantic". It was not romantic to me, it was just somewhere to talk that was relatively quiet. I didn't end it via email I ended it via phone. It seemed that she didn't think of it as ended as I've continued to get emails from her and then running into her at the restaurant seemed very strange. I thought if she saw my face while I said it was over that it may be more definite to her that there was no possibility of any further contact.
Jinnah Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I don't understand why you are so concerned about what I did when I was still seeing her. If my wife asked me where I was I'm certain I lied. I'm not certain that my wife asked. She came up and we met. She asked me to take her to my boat. I refused to do that, but took her to the park (where there is a beach). I don't know "why" I took her there. It was someplace to go. You are the one who continually phrases it as "romantic". It was not romantic to me, it was just somewhere to talk that was relatively quiet. I didn't end it via email I ended it via phone. It seemed that she didn't think of it as ended as I've continued to get emails from her and then running into her at the restaurant seemed very strange. I thought if she saw my face while I said it was over that it may be more definite to her that there was no possibility of any further contact. Treatment, I have to say that you are very hard to read. In the above response, you say you were "seeing her" then you say it was not romantic. No wonder everyone is confused. I am confused myself. I thought you were "just friends" (I say it sarcastically b/c I am against opposite sex friends that you see alone when you are married) with her and realized you shouldn't be spending all that time with her, especially when you realized she liked you as more. So you stopped it... but now it seems you are more interested in her that you originally let on... meeting with her?! Why the heck would you want to piss of your wife more, especially when her mother just died? You were on here asking about contacting this pathetic woman when you should have been attending to your wife's needs. Talk about not meeting needs (as to why you liked being around the OW - you said your wife did not meet them and she - the OW- did)...You are the one that is far from meeting your wife's needs right now. I don't know if you are a really confused good guy, or a bad guy putting up an act of being innocent. You are losing this innocence by not being concerned enough for your wife right now... who cares what this OW is up to... be concerned with your wife!
whichwayisup Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 He is concerned that the OW will tell his wife, something is his gut is telling him that the OW could do something drastic. I do think seeing her in person though is a mistake though.
whichwayisup Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Then send her another email back telling her that you're sorry that you hurt her feelings but you've changed your mind and realized just HOW inappropriate the friendship with her is/was and it cannot continue.
Jinnah Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 He is concerned that the OW will tell his wife, something is his gut is telling him that the OW could do something drastic. I do think seeing her in person though is a mistake though. At this point I would just come clean so I could stop worrying about it. I bet his wife would rather know than have him continue secretive contact with the homewrecker.
VirtualInsanity Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Then send her another email back telling her that you're sorry that you hurt her feelings but you've changed your mind and realized just HOW inappropriate the friendship with her is/was and it cannot continue. Yes and then drop it.
bestadvisor Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I don't understand why you are so concerned about what I did when I was still seeing her. If my wife asked me where I was I'm certain I lied. I'm not certain that my wife asked. She came up and we met. She asked me to take her to my boat. I refused to do that, but took her to the park (where there is a beach). I don't know "why" I took her there. It was someplace to go. You are the one who continually phrases it as "romantic". It was not romantic to me, it was just somewhere to talk that was relatively quiet. It's very hard to take out "romance" out of the equation when there is a man and a woman at the beach alone. Samething can be said with dinner and movie. I don't know if you are a really confused good guy, or a bad guy putting up an act of being innocent. Right now, I am going to assume the former. So, Treatment, what have been going on between you and your wife? Have you been doing anything since she's going through a lost of a parent? Have you been doing anything to make up what you have done?
Author Treatment Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 Then send her another email back telling her that you're sorry that you hurt her feelings but you've changed your mind and realized just HOW inappropriate the friendship with her is/was and it cannot continue. No. I am not going to send her another e-mail. And as I already said, I'm also not going to see her.
Author Treatment Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 At this point I would just come clean so I could stop worrying about it. I bet his wife would rather know than have him continue secretive contact with the homewrecker. jaaasus. Do you folks not read? I'm NOT continueing secretive contact. This whole things is about do you think the woman is going to contact my wife out of general pissed offedness. In which case I need to tell my wife. But I CAN'T tell my wife because her mother just died, in which case I though maybe if I met with the b*tch and made it clear that I wasn't interested that she'd just leave me alone.
Author Treatment Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 It's very hard to take out "romance" out of the equation when there is a man and a woman at the beach alone. Samething can be said with dinner and movie. Yeah, well this whole thing hasn't exactly been good behavior on my part. Did I do wrong? Damn right I did. Was it as wrong as it could have been? No, it wasn't. Doesn't mean that I'm either a "good guy" or a "bad guy" I'm just a person who made a horses a$$ of myself. Right now, I am going to assume the former. So, Treatment, what have been going on between you and your wife? Have you been doing anything since she's going through a lost of a parent? Have you been doing anything to make up what you have done?I'm with her as much as I can be. I've been supportive in everyone of her decisions, including her decision to invite an old boyfriend (who was also her mother's friend) to the funeral. I've been trying to protect her from any outfall of my bad behavior. (and I'll admit I've also been trying to protect myself).
bestadvisor Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Wouldn't this be a great chance for you to be extra sweet and caring to your wife for the following reasons: 1) to help yourself ease some of those guilts; 2) to renew this love you have for your wife; 3) last but not lease to help her through a tough time by remind her that you will be around for many many years to come. Here is a link to what a cheating husband's worst nightmare: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=129528&page=4
Jinnah Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 jaaasus. Do you folks not read? I'm NOT continueing secretive contact. This whole things is about do you think the woman is going to contact my wife out of general pissed offedness. In which case I need to tell my wife. But I CAN'T tell my wife because her mother just died, in which case I though maybe if I met with the b*tch and made it clear that I wasn't interested that she'd just leave me alone. Sorry treatment, I admit we are being difficult. Who knows what the crazy woman is going to do... that's a difficult question. You are, unfortunately, going to have to wait it out and see until you can tell your wife.
Jinnah Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Yeah, well this whole thing hasn't exactly been good behavior on my part. Did I do wrong? Damn right I did. Was it as wrong as it could have been? No, it wasn't. Doesn't mean that I'm either a "good guy" or a "bad guy" I'm just a person who made a horses a$$ of myself. I'm with her as much as I can be. I've been supportive in everyone of her decisions, including her decision to invite an old boyfriend (who was also her mother's friend) to the funeral. I've been trying to protect her from any outfall of my bad behavior. (and I'll admit I've also been trying to protect myself). Lol, don't worry... everything will work out. Go to church and pray... God will take care of you and your wife if you trust Him... and no everyone, I don't want to get into a debate about church/prayer/faith in God!! This is just my advice to Treatment!
Recommended Posts