Author Ruby Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 I really dont know what to do here. I know I should end it but it is easier said than done as I do love him! Why cant he just grow up?
bmctex Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 The trouble with us guys is most of us don't "grow up" till we are in our forties....lol Any relationship takes work. Sounds like this one would take a lot work and he has to be willing. I guess you have to decide whether he is truly willing and whether you love him enough to go through the growth with him. Men aren't encouraged to share their feelings and people, in general are not taught how to listen. Listening is the most important part of a conversation. Remind him that the growth he needs to do he'll need to do in any relationship, if he wants a good one, whether it's with you or someone else. It took me a few relationships to figure that out... If you are looking for a serious relationship with the thought of marriage, then think hard about whether this is the right one. If not, then try not to get too emotionally invested in this one till you are sure he is doing the work. Look after yourself first. I feel for what you are going through....
Author Ruby Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 I wish he would just grow the hell up! I wish I didnt have feeling for him as this is scaring me. I know I have to end it but I also know I will be sad and upset. I wish I had never met him!!!!!
Trialbyfire Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Ruby, your guy is passive-aggressive. Be careful with a guy like that. I would stop investing more time and energy into someone like this, due to his controlling behaviour.
Lady Aurora Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Ruby, this must be terribly frustrating for you. I agree with the others that this sounds like a massive insecurity. Some people when they are afraid of losing something they care about, act just the opposite, they push it away. That is what he is doing to you. His defense mechanism for not getting hurt is to not get close. It doesn't make sense really, but irrational behaviour never really does. The fact that he has done this twice now makes things even worse. He has "proof" to himself that caring about someone will make them go away (ie broken relationship). You bf needs IC really bad. This is not something that will be able to be resolved by you. He is going to have to be willing to accept that he has a problem and be willing to work on it. The good news is that you can get past it with assuming he is willing to put the work forward to do it. But, it will take a LOT of patience on your part if you decide to stick around. The problem is that every failure to him is like two steps back, because it just feeds his insecurity. It could take a long time and you will have to decide whether or not you think the ride is going to be worth it. Aura
Author Ruby Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 I have never given him one reason to feel insecure of me. Not one I have told him that I cant put up with this behaviour and I have now reached the end of my tether. I will wait for him to call me and I will tell him that it is over. I dont have the time and patience for his childish bahviour and seeing as he wont even admit he is worng or say sorry I cant see him getting help for it can you? He can find some other girl to silently abuse! Ps .. (I wish I felt as full of bravado as I sound)
2sunny Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 his behavior is childish, selfish and controling. if you stay with him - it only gets worse over time. he will start to try to control ALL areas of your life... i should know - i was married to a man like this for 20 years. his reaction is a way to get you to be more compliant about what HE wants from you (like not going out with your friends). i'd leave him and find someone that is respectful and considers your feelings to be important more than this guy does.
a4a Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Ruby, your guy is passive-aggressive. Be careful with a guy like that. I would stop investing more time and energy into someone like this, due to his controlling behaviour. TBF- you nailed it. Good luck dealing with this behavior. It will escalate and likely is the cause of his past failed relationships. So either you just accept it or you dump him.
Author Ruby Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 It is the reason he lost both his wife and his last LTR. He wouldnt change for his kids so he certainly wont change for me I know what I have to do and you guys have given me strenth and I thank you for that To know that some of you have been through this makes me feel not so alone!
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