alexa137 Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 does anyone else here had a serious relationship with their bf/gf for over a year and then kinda break up but still see each other for sex 1-2 times a week? it is very confusing and i have came to realize with trying the no contact thing and he starting to wonder and all the game playing etc that i think he is holding on to me til he finds someone to replace me and because our sex life is awesome--he even told me he loves how our body are together- i mean after a year and a half we still get horny just talking over the phone! and hes told me that he doesnt want to me my with another guy--and i feel that i continue to have sex with him holding on to that maybe one day he will be back in my life-i know its wrong i dont know what to do and i just him a letter expressing those feelings--i know ive should have kept the no contact thing but its hard when you are used to seeing someone living with them everday for 1 1/2 years! so what do i do in this situation? if i cut him off completely i wonder what would happen? i wonder alot!
shockandawed Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Alexa, Obviously it is dead wrong. It sounds like he broke up with you and you desire to still be together. You are having sex with him because you still love him and you hope it brings you back together. He is having sex with you because he can. The classic case of he gets his cake and eats it too. Trust me on this, as long as you allow this to happen, he will never commit back to you. NEVER!!! If you truly want a relationship with this guy, then you have to show him you are not some toy that can be taken down and played with whenever he wants and then put back up in the closet. Of course he doesn't want you with someone else. It will stop him from screwing you whenever he gets the urge. No contact is the hardest thing you can do, but it is the ONLY way you can move on from this slimebag and get over it. You keep talking to him and banging him whenever he wants and I GUARANTEE you will never be anything more than the booty call.
Author alexa137 Posted September 2, 2007 Author Posted September 2, 2007 I know but i am so scared that if i stop giving it to him that he will get horny and go get it somewhere else! i know most of the things i think and say are all wrong~ you gotta understand this is the love of my life and we were gonna get married( i have probably 100 posts on here throughtout our relationship-theres alot more to it) anyways ive been reading and waiting to receive a book i ordered called Dealbreakers_when to work on a relationship or walk away--the no contact thing worked a few weeks ago-but only last 3 days then he got all worried and nervous and had to see me! yeah i gave in--i will try again the no contact and see what happens-but my life is so boring now and all i do is think of him and what he is doing and i just wish i could get amnesia or hypnotized to forget!
AriaIncognito Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Alexa I've been in your shoes, wanna know what happened? The ex and I officially broke up in january of this year. We continued to have sex off and on until mid may this year. You know why we stopped? Cuz he finally found someone else he wanted to date. Don't keep doing it. He's just using you until he finds who he actually wants. I kept doing it because I truly loved him and wanted to be with him. I'm assuming he did it because he wanted sex until he found someone he wanted a relationship with. Get out now.
katla Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Been there, done that, too. I'm with ariawoman and shockandawed on this one. Even if it means changing your phone number, I think you should stay far away from this guy. No matter what you may feel for him, he will never truly give you what you want -- unless you're looking for more heartache.
Author alexa137 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 oh but you know its so hard-one day we dont talk then the next he is instant messaging me asking me dumb questions like if i have a man etc... no i dont i am home alone depressed everyday! tryingto get over him! so i saw him sat morning(4 sex) and then sun he accused me of calling him(i dont have his new cell phone #) i was pissed! i said no is no-i didnt! and logged off-wrote him a letter telling him that all this is wrong and cant go on etc. i didnt hear from him sun and today(mon) he instant messages me at work asking me how have i been? i didnt know what to say so ignored him for awhile finally just told him that i didnt know, ok--then we argued somewhat about me thinking thats its only sex,i mean i know he still loves me but cant committ again-so i told him no and logged off i was trying the no contact thing again but its too damn hard--i was crying at every message he sent bcause at the time iwas jsut thiking about how much i miss him
AriaIncognito Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 oh but you know its so hard-one day we dont talk then the next he is instant messaging me asking me dumb questions like if i have a man etc... no i dont i am home alone depressed everyday! tryingto get over him! so i saw him sat morning(4 sex) and then sun he accused me of calling him(i dont have his new cell phone #) i was pissed! i said no is no-i didnt! and logged off-wrote him a letter telling him that all this is wrong and cant go on etc. i didnt hear from him sun and today(mon) he instant messages me at work asking me how have i been? i didnt know what to say so ignored him for awhile finally just told him that i didnt know, ok--then we argued somewhat about me thinking thats its only sex,i mean i know he still loves me but cant committ again-so i told him no and logged off i was trying the no contact thing again but its too damn hard--i was crying at every message he sent bcause at the time iwas jsut thiking about how much i miss him Alexa, You are now creating your own misery. You are choosing to see him. You are choosing to not block his IMs. You are not letting yourself let go. For your own sake, do all of the above. Stop sleeping with him. You aren't going to get over him when you're still getting under him, believe me, I know. I'm 3 months NC now and I'm just beginning to get over my ex. You need to be strong. You can do this.
sedgwick Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Two words: STOP NOW!!!! I was officially "with" my first love for three months. (I was 23 at the time.) It was one of my shortest relationships, and also the one that took the longest to get over. Why? Because we kept sleeping together for a year after that. I met someone new before he did, and stopped the sex, but was still always thinking about my ex while with the new guy -- who, while not as sexy, was a MUCH, MUCH better person, and though we broke up, he's still my best friend. But definitely one of the reasons we broke up was that he was living in the shadow of my ex, and it's just a horrible thing for all involved. It took me 12 years to really, fully get over that guy (even though I dated other people and had a six-year relationship during that time.) All that time I had this big romantic fantasy of my first love, thinking that if he walked back through the door I'd drop everything to be with him, etc. Then about a year and a half ago, after not having spoken for 7 years, he contacted me. He was coming into town and needed a place to stay and asked if he could stay with me. Of course I got all caught up in the getting-back-together fantasies, and then when I saw him again he was rude and boring and fat and bald (he was skinny and had long hair when I fell in love with him), and I kicked him out after two days. I suppose it was good that I finally got that kind of closure, but I'd never have built up the mythology that I did if I hadn't kept sleeping with him and pining for him and letting him erode my self-confidence after we broke up. It's bad news -- DON'T DO IT!! (And believe me, I know it's hard, but seriously...)
on_my_way_out Posted September 17, 2007 Posted September 17, 2007 You are both playing with each others physical needs and he is trying to control you and keep you for himself. Get out now. Write a closure letter even if you dont give it to him. The best thing to do for you is to just stop and close it out. It will hurt and be difficult, but you will heal and find yourself and someone else who is right for you.
Newtotheblogthing Posted September 18, 2007 Posted September 18, 2007 I agree with on my way out. He wants to control you and keep you for himself. At your expense. He may not be malicious but that's what he's doing. My ex and I have slept together twice now and he has a new "girlfriend" of two months. Yesterday we met and it was incredible, when asked, he told me he of course he still thought about us and loved me but there was too much damage. I held out hope that he wanted to be with me and somehow he is proving it by being intimate with me. The REALITY is that he wants to to keep me around and I let him. He wants me but has a new girlfriend. I have written about this before and my ex is usually NOT a cheater. I kidd you not! Somehow I begin to think that because he is doing this with me it means something, it's ME, not some random.. I know, I know. Sad thinking. And the fact I don't seem concerned about his poor girlfriend is disturbing as well. Again, the reality is that I am a side dish now. He gets to keep me and her. I am not longer ok with what I AM doing to myself. I am letting him do whatever he wants and although I enjoy it at the time, I feel empty afterwards. It will do nothing for me but cause more pain. I don't know about anyone else but do you have the proverbial brick wall that you keep banging your head against? I love to just run at it and hope that it won't hurt. At some point I figure it will become too painful and I'll move on. Hang in there Alexa. I suggest no contact. I am doing that myself starting AGAIN today. One day a time is my slogan.
Recommended Posts