LostinMaryland Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 I was dumped almost 6 weeks ago by my only best friend and BF. We have known each other for 9 years and have been dating for 5. Almost over night things changed and in a few days, he just up and told me that's it he is done with this relationship and needs his own space. The story is long, so I will not bore you with the details, but all I can say is I feel broken in 2 and I am so lonely and unhappy and All I can do is sit here and wonder what went wrong. What did I do? Why did he do this to me? We were so close and told each other everything. He was the only friend I had left. All of my other friends, just used me and threw me to the curb. I know I am too nice and need to not do so much for my friends, but how can people be so cruel. He doesn't even care how this is affecting my son. What makes someone almost over night, just decide to end it all and not look back? Any suggestions on how to cope?
cheesydippindoodle Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Oh hunny what a jerk is he?? He will wake up one morning & realise what a mistake he's made & probably come running back begging forgiveness. He's probably having a mid life crisis a bit too soon as a lot of guys do!!!! There are plenty of people out there for you to make new friends with start going too groups/clubs in your area get a hobby something to take your mind of him - i no its hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel
tinke Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 as you read these threads, the commonality is the "out of the blue" factor. yes, i am still recircling the surreal experience after a LTR...total disbelief! i know the emotions well. i never realized how common this is until LS, i've always believed in commitment. it takes two active partners with equal investment. somewhere along the way, he must have lost that investment. i am sorry for your pain, unfortunately the pain is part of the healing. no words of wisdom, just remember at this raw state, do take care of you. it will get easier...have trust! you'll find mounds of support on LS...keep posting.
Author LostinMaryland Posted September 2, 2007 Author Posted September 2, 2007 Yes it hard and I am taking it day by day. I just didn't know someone after all these years could take total advantage of you the way he did me. I feel lost and so confused. I am taking care of me, but I have to say it's not easy. Sometimes I have felt like giving up hope of ever finding someone who I can really trust. I am sick of putting my heart out there and getting it stepped all over.
Author LostinMaryland Posted September 2, 2007 Author Posted September 2, 2007 You are so sweet. Thank you for your kind words. At least I know I have made a new friend in you.
Lyssa Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 What a jerk! I'm sorry you're going through this. Sorry for your son too. I can assure you that it will pass. It will take time, of course but you will find someone better to take care of you and make you feel happy again. For now, get yourself busy and make new friends. It will help with the healing... apart from that, like Tinke said - keep posting - you will find it therapeutic.
GALT Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 I agree, it will pass. When you feel up to it go out and get out again. Not for finding a replacement, but just to get out of the funk. There are plenty of things to do that will bring you up-
ahah2322 Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 hey baby, i'm so sorry you are going through this. this is a hapless and sudden breakup, i suppose. were things falling apart already? or were there already red flags signalling the coming of a breakup? i am clueless about your situation but i can empathise with the emotional pain that you are suffering from right now. be strong and some day, you will eventually get over him. Sometimes I have felt like giving up hope of ever finding someone who I can really trust. I am sick of putting my heart out there and getting it stepped all over. he gave up on you. please do not give up on yourself. take care and write back for support. a fellow lser gave me a ((hug)) when i was down and now i hope to be a source of support, albeit minimal, to people heartbroken. so, here's a ((hug)) for you.
Author LostinMaryland Posted September 2, 2007 Author Posted September 2, 2007 Thank you so much. Right now I am so lonely and I do not have any friends. I need the support.
Curious139 Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 I feel for you, it is a bewildering experience. I also lost my love out of the blue and I'm still in shock two months later. However it is getting better. Some guys simply don't know how to end a relationship. It can stem from immaturity, lack of emotional empathy, the way they themselves were treated in childhood, there is no simple answer. Personally I think it is pointless seeking an answer. All that can happen is you will be hurt more because nothing can erase the reality. You just have to tell yourself that it is over as many times a day as you need to. It takes a long time but we are here for you. I sort of cope by realising none of us can make another love us - it has to come from them. If it has faded, that is so sad but it happens and we have to accept it.
Travis L Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Thank you so much. Right now I am so lonely and I do not have any friends. I need the support. While I am not a parent, I know all to well the hurt and utter despair of losing your best friend and lover. I am fairly anti-social and she (for 4 years) introduced me to so many new people. Now all of them are fairly off limits as it will only bring up more hurt. I've had to reinvent myself when it comes to my social skills. You will need to do the same. You HAVE to get out and meet new people. Force yourself to do it or you risk becoming an old grumpy cat lady. Use what you have to meet new people. Single parent? Look for single parent support groups. Meet other parents at your local daycare, church, child's school, etc.. Get out, do stuff, stay busy!!! Go to a park with your child and make small talk with other parents... Take an adult education course at your local Community College...find something!!!! Focus on you and your child right now. Don't go searching for a rebound just yet but it's great to go on dates.. Too anti-social or too busy to go searching??? Go online and find a good dating site. Be safe, but get your ass off the couch and do something! Too bad you don't live in Michigan or I'd take your ass out and we could both force ourselves to overcome our social inabilities. I sat in my room for 2 weeks (only going out to eat and work). It was hell! I had to make a decision: kill myself, sit in my room for the rest of my life, or get busy living. Since the first two options were not really even options, I got up and out. I started running (great stress reliever). I was running for me, for my health, and away from my ex. Then I started getting in contact with old ex girlfriends...they introduced me to people and so on... It's ok to be heartbroken but you will 1000% worse if you don't get up and do something about it. He may or may not come back...you cannot control that. You control what you do and right now you need to do SOMETHING!
GALT Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Where abouts in MD are you? Maybe I can recommend some uplifting places to go! I did not see where she was a parent...
Author LostinMaryland Posted September 3, 2007 Author Posted September 3, 2007 I am in Baltimore. I am a parent if that is what you were asking.
GALT Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 My gosh there is so much around there to distract you. Take your kid to an Orioles game (there are seats for sure),walk around the harbour, the zoo is cool, Druid Hill Park, the Science Center. Venture out a bit to Annapolis (be sure to say hi to me) Washington, Ellicott City, Savage Mills. Spend a day walking the Arundel Mills Mall. Take in the Medievil Times show..... THere are tons of things, but do get out. Not on the prowl necessarily, but just get out. Volunteer at one fo the great hospitals.
Travis L Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 did not see where she was a parent... You had me scared for a second.. I had to go back and reread it 3 times to find it again! He doesn't even care how this is affecting my son. What makes someone almost over night, just decide to end it all and not look back? Any suggestions on how to cope? How old is your son? Is the father in his life?
Author LostinMaryland Posted September 3, 2007 Author Posted September 3, 2007 Well first off my son is 12 and my ex-husband is a real ass. He doesn't take interest in our son at all. He calls every once in awhile, but that's it. My son doesn't even want to see him, because of the years of mean things he has done to him, he wants nothing to do with his dad. Now as far as me. Well I would love to take him out and go different places, but see I suffer with anxiety really bad and I can barely drive to the mall without getting anxious and wanting to go home. I know my life sucks, but I am doing everything I can to make it better. Thanks for all your great suggestions though. I have lived here forever and I am aware of all the fun things to do, I just wish I had the courage to go back out and do them.
high_boost Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 it sucks you had to go through that. i had something similar happen to me. my girl of 9 years suddenly decided to cheat on me. it sucked at first but ive been over it for some time now.
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