Krazyferyoo Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Hey there everyone.. this is my first post on here and I am new to all this, but eveyone here seems to give such good advice and I have no where else to turn. Please do no think the worse of me cause I am killing myself in guilt as it is. Well...here goes. I have been in a relationship for about ten years now and a mother to 2 beautiful children, but lately I have been thinking about this other guy that I work with a little more that I should. We have a close working relationship cause he is my boss and I am the direct supervisor under him, so we have to communicate everyday. I can even say we have become friends over the years we have worked together. We hang out, he talks to me about everything and vise versa. He seems to depend on me emotionally and mentally. He seems to be giving me signs that he wants to be more than friends and I find myself being drawn to him as well. I think about him everyday, I can't wait to get to work to see him and joke around and cut up like we do every. I find reasons to be near him and talk to him. I think I am going nuts. I want to stop this feeling but I do not know how. I think if we keep doing what we are doing now we are going to end up doing something we are both going to regret. I love my man, so what the hell is wrong with me everyone. Please,help. Any advise would be really appreciated.
waiting4heaven Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Be careful!!! Those feelings you are experiancing are exactly how I (we)started out and now 10 months later into an A with MM, I am wondering what I was thinking, though I wouldn't trade his love or mine for anything!!! Also, keep in mind that having an A at the workplace with your boss could be a career killer, espeically if he is directly above you. What happens if you two get into a fight? Break-up? This one above all else, I would be most concerned with as you would still have to face him everyday. Are you strong enough? Is he? I cannot tell you to NOT feel the way you do, because I really understand! You feel like your in junior high again with a crush, which is exactly what it is, on the cutest boy! You pine for him to be near and can't wait until the next moment when he is. Sound familiar? I couldn't get my MM out of my head for months before anything was said or done but I had to be hear him and my heart would skip everytime he talked to me!! I had to see him, had to be near him and visa versa, and that was months before anything was ever done or talked about between us. But the end result has been harder than I would have imagined so just be careful with what you do and make sure if you do that your plans are discussed openly between you two. Good luck to you!!!
frannie Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 I don't think it's possible to just kill the feelings. But it's good that you've realised you're heading for disaster and looking for help. All I can say is to begin to wean yourself off this man. Maybe going out with other friends when you'd usually be with him, turning down your joint meetings, etc. working less with him if at all possible. I'm wondering what will happen if/when he asks what's happening and why you're increasingly unavailable... because if you come clean about your feelings it could rapidly lead to more involvement. So perhaps be more nonchalant, colder, and basically lie to him about what you're thinking. But to be honest I've never found myself in that situation, and I'm shooting in the dark. Hopefully others will be able to help you from their own experience. Best of luck.
Meaplus3 Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Hey there everyone.. this is my first post on here and I am new to all this, but eveyone here seems to give such good advice and I have no where else to turn. Please do no think the worse of me cause I am killing myself in guilt as it is. Well...here goes. I have been in a relationship for about ten years now and a mother to 2 beautiful children, but lately I have been thinking about this other guy that I work with a little more that I should. We have a close working relationship cause he is my boss and I am the direct supervisor under him, so we have to communicate everyday. I can even say we have become friends over the years we have worked together. We hang out, he talks to me about everything and vise versa. He seems to depend on me emotionally and mentally. He seems to be giving me signs that he wants to be more than friends and I find myself being drawn to him as well. I think about him everyday, I can't wait to get to work to see him and joke around and cut up like we do every. I find reasons to be near him and talk to him. I think I am going nuts. I want to stop this feeling but I do not know how. I think if we keep doing what we are doing now we are going to end up doing something we are both going to regret. I love my man, so what the hell is wrong with me everyone. Please,help. Any advise would be really appreciated. "He seems to be giving me signs that he wants to be more than friends and I find myself being drawn to him as well." Krazyferyou, Your heading into very dangerous territory here! I know full well because this is exactly how my very long EA started. Your a Mother of Two children and you love your husband, think about that! Do you want to ruin your life? If you continue to be "Playful" with this MM boss of your's it can only lead to NO good for everyone involved. It sound's to me like you are allready emotionally attached to him, time to put the BRAKES on this R and turn the other way! This man is your Boss! Think about how this could affect your career. You say you love your "Man" if so than why is this MM boss so appealing to you? Just a few thing's for you to ponder. Good luck. AP:)
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 I dont think you CAN stop the feeling abruptly, and I dont think anyone wants to stop that feeling. Whats nicer than going into work happy and excited? But that feeling, that inner-glow will stop as soon as you cross the line into Affair territory. The inner-glow will be replaced by guilt, longing, confusion, fear of discovery, nothing good. You love your husband you say? What is this man offering that your H is not? Is there anyway you can transfer those feelings of feeling attractive, wanted, excited to your H? Can you tell us what sort of signs this man is giving you that he wants more?
bunset Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Truly these feelings are genuine, but it is important to think about the potential for disaster. I'm not suggesting playing "what if". Please assume that the 'worst' can happen. It could first lead to jeopardy on the job, then any marriage/family, then finances. Are you ready for the consequences? Because that's what the odds show. Of course we're ready for the rush, the status quo and the excellent 'opportunities', but are the payments for such the price you are willing to pay? Tread lightly and think it through, but don't guilt yourself over the feelings. They're natural and yours. Later you can analyze why you're having them, first develop the skills to get a grip on them.
Author Krazyferyoo Posted September 3, 2007 Author Posted September 3, 2007 Thanks to you all for every piece of advice. I will definitley try to avoid him and these feelings. Man...it is just so hard though you know. In answer your questions about what signs he is giving me Je Ne....it is things like his actions. The way he looks at me, the way he trys to get close and little touches. He cannot let me out of his sight for 5 minutes or he will question others where I am. You know..I really never thought about it much before until everyone has been bringing it to my attention. He makes his feelings for me so obvious that everyone else notices. All our new employees thinks we are a couple cause we are so at ease with each other and are always seen together. After all these things that I hear, i begin to ponder my own actions and wonder if I am doing something unknowingly on my part to give others that impression. I started to realize my own feelings has been there for a while too.LOL I just want them to go away now you know cause like you guys said...I do not think I can handle the consequences if I let things go further. Again you guys thanks for listening to my rambling and for the advice. I will definitley try my best to avoid any trouble and I will keep you guys posted..
code five Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 ...He cannot let me out of his sight for 5 minutes or he will question others where I am. You know.. I really never thought about it much before until everyone has been bringing it to my attention. He makes his feelings for me so obvious that everyone else notices. All our new employees thinks we are a couple cause we are so at ease with each other and are always seen together. After all these things that I hear, i begin to ponder my own actions and wonder if I am doing something unknowingly on my part to give others that impression. This alone is bad enough. You do NOT need the work crew talking about you two. It makes for a very, very bad situation (which is already bad enough). As everyone here has already echoed, I too know exactly what you are talking about. I found myself in the same situation with the exception we were co-workers and she was the MW. Needless to say, it ended badly - of course we couldn't see past our feelings of being in high school again and feeling as if the other put us on top of the world. The fact it is forbidden is part of the thrill (for both of you). Be strong... You are both on that borderline - be careful and try to consider EVERYTHING before taking that step... Keeping a good thouht for you... Just say no
Jinnah Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Read some of the other posts on here (and the horrible outcomes), and I bet you will never look at him like this again.
pricillia Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 KFY I don't think that you should avoid him or avoid the feelings that you are having, it is natural to be attracted to someone who makes you feel excited and fun. However if you love your husband you will remember that you married him for a reason, you don't talk about him at all how is the relationship between the two of you going?
GreenEyedLady Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Hey there everyone.. this is my first post on here and I am new to all this, but eveyone here seems to give such good advice and I have no where else to turn. Please do no think the worse of me cause I am killing myself in guilt as it is. Well...here goes. I have been in a relationship for about ten years now and a mother to 2 beautiful children, but lately I have been thinking about this other guy that I work with a little more that I should. We have a close working relationship cause he is my boss and I am the direct supervisor under him, so we have to communicate everyday. I can even say we have become friends over the years we have worked together. We hang out, he talks to me about everything and vise versa. He seems to depend on me emotionally and mentally. He seems to be giving me signs that he wants to be more than friends and I find myself being drawn to him as well. I think about him everyday, I can't wait to get to work to see him and joke around and cut up like we do every. I find reasons to be near him and talk to him. I think I am going nuts. I want to stop this feeling but I do not know how. I think if we keep doing what we are doing now we are going to end up doing something we are both going to regret. I love my man, so what the hell is wrong with me everyone. Please,help. Any advise would be really appreciated. IMO, if you are having these feelings, there's something that you are missing in your R...I don't think that you can just END the feelings... Are you wanting to stay in your R? If you are, I think you need to probably seek counseling or at least figure out what your R is missing...If you fix or work on the primary R so that it meets your needs, the feelings won't be as strong and should eventually go away...
danis Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Well, when you do find the solution to your question I would like the answer. I am in the exact same position right now as you are. No matter what people tell you and you know they are all correct, you can't control your feelings. The longing is just worse when you try and separate yourself from him, I too have a H and children that I love more than anything. I know what is at risk and I tell myself that all the time, but it doesn't help when you see the OM at work everyday. I need to see or talk to him everyday or I get really anxious. I was seriously thinking about individual councelling for myself. Co-workers also call him my boyfriend as they too notice the connection. I've kept my secret from everyone except this forum for years.
bunset Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Well, when you do find the solution to your question I would like the answer. I am in the exact same position right now as you are. No matter what people tell you and you know they are all correct, you can't control your feelings. The longing is just worse when you try and separate yourself from him, I too have a H and children that I love more than anything. I know what is at risk and I tell myself that all the time, but it doesn't help when you see the OM at work everyday. I need to see or talk to him everyday or I get really anxious. I was seriously thinking about individual councelling for myself. Co-workers also call him my boyfriend as they too notice the connection. I've kept my secret from everyone except this forum for years. This sounds truly difficult. Have you considered alternate employment? I suggest weighing very carefully what you can do for the OM. Is there anything you can do to improve your M? Does your H have any idea that you are vulnerable to such feelings? I'd say that individual counselling can help you make your choices and cope with the consequences.
ayn Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 Run like hell. No job is worth the misery that you, your husband or your kids could go through!
Author Krazyferyoo Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 Well, when you do find the solution to your question I would like the answer. I am in the exact same position right now as you are. No matter what people tell you and you know they are all correct, you can't control your feelings. The longing is just worse when you try and separate yourself from him, I too have a H and children that I love more than anything. I know what is at risk and I tell myself that all the time, but it doesn't help when you see the OM at work everyday. I need to see or talk to him everyday or I get really anxious. I was seriously thinking about individual councelling for myself. Co-workers also call him my boyfriend as they too notice the connection. I've kept my secret from everyone except this forum for years. Hey there Danis...I know exactly how you feel..but right now I am trying like hell. I too love my H and kids, that is why all this is eating me up. The things that makes it so bad for me is that my H has done nothing wrong. He has his moments now don't get me wrong. All R has their ups and downs. We have been together for so long you know. Maybe we both should try to spark up our relationships again. I have no idea how yet but I will work on it. I don't know how your R is going for you and your H but we should try. I have not told anyone about all this either except this forum. I hope you are able to work things out...as for me, a day at a time.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Hey there Danis...I know exactly how you feel..but right now I am trying like hell. I too love my H and kids, that is why all this is eating me up. The things that makes it so bad for me is that my H has done nothing wrong. He has his moments now don't get me wrong. All R has their ups and downs. We have been together for so long you know. Maybe we both should try to spark up our relationships again. I have no idea how yet but I will work on it. I don't know how your R is going for you and your H but we should try. I have not told anyone about all this either except this forum. I hope you are able to work things out...as for me, a day at a time. It's a choice! You have to wake up every single day and choose your H. That choice is what love really is. You are failing to make that choice, the longer you fail the harder it will be fix. You have to control your own emotions. It seems you have handed that control over to someone else! You can take that control back, you have to take that control back... or your whole family will suffer the consequences.
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