TheRock Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 My GF & I just celebrated one year anniversary. 2 days later, I sensed something was wrong and I asked her. She started crying and said she loves me and we are perfect in everyway together, except sexually. She says she doesn't feel attracted or the desire anymore to have sex with me. We do it, but not often. She says she doesn't even have thoughts of sex with me or anyone. She's been like this since Feb. when she changed birth control pills. She's also become depressed, VERY moody with everyone, stressed out and a recluse. All she wants to do is sleep and she's only 30. Is there a way to help her become attraced to me again or are we thru? She doesn't want to break up and got upset when I suggested that might be the only alternative. She wants to give it a few more months to see if it changes. We haven't been spending much time together the last 2 months because of her diminished feelings (which i just found out about). Now, she wants to try to spend more time together to see if it's the solution. I DON'T want to break up with her. She was the perfect GF prior to February. Any suggestions to bring back the love?
Yosef Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Medications such as antihypertensive agents and psychotropic medications (including most antidepressants), indomethacin, digoxin and the oral contraceptive can all affect desire. I wouldn't be surprised if the new birth control pill contained some chemicals or components that contain a side-effect of depressive qualities. These are the signs of major depression, but could just be associated with the change in medication. I would talk to a psychiatrist or a doctor that may have an idea of what to do about the situation. As for me, I'm not PhD certified (yet;)) but those are two possible, and more likely possibilities that I can think of.
Author TheRock Posted September 2, 2007 Author Posted September 2, 2007 thank you. I'm confused by her lately. She says she loves me. Still does nice things for me and sends me "I Love U" & "Can't wait to see you cause I Miss U" text messages often. Just last week, she was talking about a future if we lived together or were married and was even saying that we met last year, but she's happy it wasn't just "summer love". Then she hits me out of left field that she doesn't feel sexual desire or attraction to me anymore. We both said yesterday that we've never been so deeply in love with anyone else before and don't want this to end, but see no alternative. She doesn't know if it's the pill or just a lack of attraction to me and she doesn't want to hold me back but also doesn't want to end this. I decided recently that there's no one else I wan to be with. Now, I'm more confused than ever. We decided to give it a bit longer to see if her new pill changes anything. I've been up sick to my stomach all night as she has. Don't know if she'll ever get those feelings back
Curious139 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 There is certainly a possibility that it is the medication. However I need to be honest with you - sexual attraction does recede in some relationships, in fact it disappears entirely. This is more common than you'd imagine but usually in marriages. From the outside no-one else knows. If she no longer feels this for you, that must be an appalling pain for you to suffer. No wonder you are both feeling confused. I have no doubt she feels warmth and affection for you and is equally confused - in fact she sounds clinically depressed. I do think you need to be open to the idea that she no longer feels the sexual attraction between you both. This may be real and if so then your relationship is in trouble. Sex isn't everything but it is important.
Author TheRock Posted September 5, 2007 Author Posted September 5, 2007 Will playing hard to get and being more unpredictable help regain her desire for me? Is it possible? I feel I may have been too available to her as the relationship progressed. My career gives me a lot of time off during the week, so I do everything I have to during the day while she's working and am then available when she gets home, unless I'm working or she has something else to do. We also both live at home with our parents due personal reasons and that's putting a cramp in our sex life obviously. Any time we want to have sex is if we go away or "plan" it. I'm trying to get an apartment within the next few weeks. Can I still get that spark back in her?
Curious139 Posted September 5, 2007 Posted September 5, 2007 Difficult to say but your living circumstances may be part of the problem. However most couples can find a way to be intimate if the desire is there. I don't know how you can be too giving if it is love, but by all means withdraw a little and see if you are appreciated more.
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