Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Should a girl make the first move? If she sees a man she finds attractive, does she have to wait until he makes the first moves and asks her out? I generally get a sense from all the advice here that women are expected to wait until a guy asks her out. This showing that he has balls and is into her. I find this so passive. I feel I would hardly ever get asked out unless I encouraged guys a little. What do you think? How does a single girl strike the right balance?
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I've never made a first move cause I'm shy but why not? I think if she likes someone why wait? He might be shy himself.
Author Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 I've never made a first move cause I'm shy but why not? I think if she likes someone why wait? He might be shy himself. My philosophy exactly. I tend to fall for shy guys. But I don't know to what extent I am making excuses and to what extent I should expect a guy to step up.
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 My philosophy exactly. I tend to fall for shy guys. But I don't know to what extent I am making excuses and to what extent I should expect a guy to step up. I fall for the energetic people but found it easier to approach the shy ones. Their not intimating.
Yosef Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I think it's good to encourage some guys, shy ones especially. Here's an experience example: I'm very shy and intravertive. I prefer to be alone and have always been alone (I guess in turn leading to the first half of the sentence). I have never dated, and have only been interested in very few girls, but have never "had the ballz" to ask them out, and later just gave up on them out of lack of anymore desire. Then, in my youth group, two girls were just confirmed and entered into the youth group. I was already in that group a year before so they just seemed like ordinary girls, but very annoying as they were like sisters, but friends, and were so peppy. I hated peppy. One of the girls tried getting me to do stuff with them, but I would back out with a stupid excuse, only desiring not to be with the peppiness as I was very low-key. After being forced to do things with the girl, I have found her very nice and she has broke my outer shell, and now I've developed a crush for her, but im sure she had it on me first. Why else would she try so hard to be my friend? The moral of the story? She's made the first move, to want to be friends with a shy guy, and now the shy guy has fallen for her. Don't expect most shy guys to want to make the first move. There are brave people and shy people. Both have the desire for love all the same. Shy people tend to actually be wiser and more considerate than the braver ones, because they are more cautious about what is right and wrong. Think about it, if you love a man, shouldn't you be the one to make the first move? Tradition doesn't know anything about love, for love breaks the boundaries tradition has hold on us.
Author Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 I fall for the energetic people but found it easier to approach the shy ones. Their not intimating. Funny I think it's the energetic confident people I find easier to approach. They're the ones who usually send clear signs. I just wonder what the percentage of guys out there are 'too shy' to actually make a move if interested.
Author Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 I think it's good to encourage some guys, shy ones especially. Here's an experience example: I'm very shy and intravertive. I prefer to be alone and have always been alone (I guess in turn leading to the first half of the sentence). I have never dated, and have only been interested in very few girls, but have never "had the ballz" to ask them out, and later just gave up on them out of lack of anymore desire. Then, in my youth group, two girls were just confirmed and entered into the youth group. I was already in that group a year before so they just seemed like ordinary girls, but very annoying as they were like sisters, but friends, and were so peppy. I hated peppy. One of the girls tried getting me to do stuff with them, but I would back out with a stupid excuse, only desiring not to be with the peppiness as I was very low-key. After being forced to do things with the girl, I have found her very nice and she has broke my outer shell, and now I've developed a crush for her, but im sure she had it on me first. Why else would she try so hard to be my friend? The moral of the story? She's made the first move, to want to be friends with a shy guy, and now the shy guy has fallen for her. Don't expect most shy guys to want to make the first move. There are brave people and shy people. Both have the desire for love all the same. Shy people tend to actually be wiser and more considerate than the braver ones, because they are more cautious about what is right and wrong. Think about it, if you love a man, shouldn't you be the one to make the first move? Tradition doesn't know anything about love, for love breaks the boundaries tradition has hold on us. So have you and this girl dated?
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Funny I think it's the energetic confident people I find easier to approach. They're the ones who usually send clear signs. I just wonder what the percentage of guys out there are 'too shy' to actually make a move if interested. Not me. I'll talk to them briefly but no full fledge convers. here even though they are fastinating and attractive. I prefer they come to me if they want to chat.
Yosef Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Nope [to sleek]. The story is rather recent and I'm too shy to make the first move I just havent found the right opportunity to do anything and I'm still too shy to simply ask "the question". I'm making some intuitive assumptions about the situation. Wishful thinking I suppose:o
Author Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 Not me. I'll talk to them briefly but no full fledge convers. here even though they are fastinating and attractive. I prefer they come to me if they want to chat. hmm. I think I do the same thing and let confident people approach me first. Then I find it easy to follow their lead. I just wonder why so much of the advice women give to women here incites them to hold off making a move until the guy shows interests. Lately I've been misreading guys a lot. I thought something was going on with a guy and it turned out he was gay. I'm glad I found out when I did but that threw me a loop because he was the first guy whom I read as showing interest in a classic 'into me' way. He sought out my company, held my hand in public, made plans with me, etc. When I think back to most guys I've actually dated, I realize that they really weren't that straightfoward and that it was often a mutual build-up. I feel like I was the one leading most of the time. So I wonder, is the 'into you theory' all wrong or am I the one going about it the wrong way? Yosef, enjoy getting to know this girl and take the time to let things happens. I still maintain that there will come a time when you have to take actions though.
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Don't let what I said make you question things. That's how I've always been. I'm just shy when it comes to that. If I wasn't then I would have done things differently. However this is the only part I'm shy at. Everyone else I'm 100% approach if need be.
Author Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 Don't let what I said make you question things. That's how I've always been. I'm just shy when it comes to that. If I wasn't then I would have done things differently. However this is the only part I'm shy at. Everyone else I'm 100% approach if need be. well thanks for chatting with me about it!
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Lately I've been misreading guys a lot. I thought something was going on with a guy and it turned out he was gay. I'm glad I found out when I did but that threw me a loop because he was the first guy whom I read as showing interest in a classic 'into me' way. He sought out my company, held my hand in public, made plans with me, etc. Wo I would have mis-read him also. He shouldn't have done that.
Author Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 Wo I would have mis-read him also. He shouldn't have done that. :D Right? Aaahhhh now I feel better.
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 :D Right? Aaahhhh now I feel better. I'd hope so Lol!! Now I do know that what you both were doing is done with others BUT you didn't know he was gay. If I didn't know it and went thru the same thing, I'd think he was into me to. Is that part of why you think you were mis-reading? He was giving you mixed signals and should have made sure you knew he was gay.
Yosef Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Yosef, enjoy getting to know this girl and take the time to let things happens. I still maintain that there will come a time when you have to take actions though. You're right. I both look forward to as well as dread the day it comes. I'm really gonna have to step outside of my comfort zone.
Author Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 I'd hope so Lol!! Now I do know that what you both were doing is done with others BUT you didn't know he was gay. If I didn't know it and went thru the same thing, I'd think he was into me to. Is that part of why you think you were mis-reading? He was giving you mixed signals and should have made sure you knew he was gay. Yeah I'm still confused by his actions. I found out he was gay last night when I asked the friend who introduced us to tell me more about him. So it's not so bad. He's definitely showing interest in being my friend. It's just weird though because it made me feel unattractive.
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Yeah I'm still confused by his actions. I found out he was gay last night when I asked the friend who introduced us to tell me more about him. So it's not so bad. He's definitely showing interest in being my friend. It's just weird though because it made me feel unattractive. Before you do anything, make sure he is. If that were me I'd ask him if he was. Maybe he's Bi and really is into you or not gay at all.
Author Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 Before you do anything, make sure he is. If that were me I'd ask him if he was. Maybe he's Bi and really is into you or not gay at all. I will definitely bring up the topic of sexual orientation up next time I see him. But now that I took off my love goggles I can I actually see the signs that he is gay. In fact, if anything, his approach was utterly friendly and confident. That which he could afford to do because he wasn't into me. That's what I don't get about all the advice here and in the world out there that say women should sit pretty until a man really goes out of his way to get her attention. I mean, it might work if you're a knockout, but I'm just a regular girl. I read other posts here and I see how much guys struggle to approach women, especially when they're interested. Maybe I'll start another thread about this later. I mean, once they start dating, I think it is easier to read guys actions. What I find confusing is all the stuff that leads up to the first date.
Yosef Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I will definitely bring up the topic of sexual orientation up next time I see him. But now that I took off my love goggles I can I actually see the signs that he is gay. In fact, if anything, his approach was utterly friendly and confident. That which he could afford to do because he wasn't into me. That's what I don't get about all the advice here and in the world out there that say women should sit pretty until a man really goes out of his way to get her attention. I mean, it might work if you're a knockout, but I'm just a regular girl. I read other posts here and I see how much guys struggle to approach women, especially when they're interested. Maybe I'll start another thread about this later. I mean, once they start dating, I think it is easier to read guys actions. What I find confusing is all the stuff that leads up to the first date. I would sincerely love to see a new thread about this sort of thing:D It's rather annoying how I can speak so EASILY to the girl I like in conversation, as if she were just a friend, but when it comes down to asking a girl if she likes you, it's just so DIFFICULT. It's funny how one sentence can be so different from another.
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I will definitely bring up the topic of sexual orientation up next time I see him. But now that I took off my love goggles I can I actually see the signs that he is gay. In fact, if anything, his approach was utterly friendly and confident. That which he could afford to do because he wasn't into me. That's what I don't get about all the advice here and in the world out there that say women should sit pretty until a man really goes out of his way to get her attention. I mean, it might work if you're a knockout, but I'm just a regular girl. No women shouldn't just sit pretty until the guy comes along. True some women can but times are different. Both genders have to make an effort these days and I say if the girl wants to make the move then do so. Oh and yes I would bring it up next time you see him.
JCD Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 I like it when a girl I like is making as much effort as I'm. I don't like shy girls because then I don't know if it's their shyness or rejection that keeps them at bay. So I like confident woman who knows what she wants. I had three women give me the third degree and go thru their checklist, one gave me her phone number. So it all depends on the woman but I respect and appreciate straight forward women. Did I mentioned I hate shy indecisive girls? Nothing worse than their kind. Yosef, you should just ask her out on a date and make sure she hears 'date' in the sentence. Say to her 'would you like to go on a date with me to a movie or have a lunch?' If she rejects you then move on. Respect yourself and don't play games. Flirting yes, prolonged head games no.
Lizzie60 Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 I don't see why women shouldn't be comfortable doing the first step.. I did a few times in my life... For my second ex, I was the one who called him to ask him for a date... I slipped my phone numbers to the guy on a few occasions... I think men like that... from my experience anyway.
Zapbasket Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Great thread topic! I think there's nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man she's interested in, but I haven't done it myself. Every circumstance is different, but overall I am cautious and want to see a guy work for me at first. Definitely I want them to be the first to initiate physical stuff, in the beginning. Most importantly, I wait for them to set the tone in terms of how often we see each other and chat between dates. If he lets days go by or just seems like he's not making me a serious priority during the courtship phase, I'm out of there. I also let him pay for our dates in the beginning; if that's not offered, then again, I'm out of there. Once we're past the courtship stage I think it's both people's responsibility to initiate. I have no problem initiating sex, offering to pay for our outings, being the first to call, ONCE IT'S ESTABLISHED that the guy is totally, utterly into me. Don't really know why I'm like that--if it's shyness on my part, cautiousness, or some antiquated idea that real men, when they're attracted to a woman, will step up and trytrytry and enjoy every second of it.
Yosef Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Yosef, you should just ask her out on a date and make sure she hears 'date' in the sentence. Say to her 'would you like to go on a date with me to a movie or have a lunch?' If she rejects you then move on. Respect yourself and don't play games. Flirting yes, prolonged head games no. I think it's too early to ask her out. There's more behind the scene than I've discussed. Her closest friend in the world (they're like sisters) and also a friend of mine, is also a girl I have a crush on, but I try to leave it at one crush at a time. Wouldn't want to hurt anyone or upset the friendship. (BTW, im pretty sure that both girls like me, but I think the one I mainly mention has it bigger)
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