underpants Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Okay, So I guess I am involved in a weird situation. I have to attend a party at the request of my very good friend. We have known each other our whole lives practically, since like 15. He is a good person. We have always only just been friends. He is married and has been for 7 or so years. Now, last summer when I was sad. I guess he was having his own bout with depression and actually wanted to go down a bad road. I nipped that thinking right in the bud and told him to fix his marriage or don't fix it. Regardless, I could only ever offer him friendship and could never, ever be a threat to his marriage. He said that my mere occasional presence was a threat. Okay, so I removed myself from his life. Sucked but okay. This really sucked for me because it was just so weird to have one person I thought would always be my friend end the friendship while simultaneously having an unstable ex demand that I continue to be his friend. I was just defeated last summer. Now I guess that whole issue (in his head only) has haunted him and has weighed on him. He has always had a subtle depression. Also, his marriage does have a jealous dichotomy to it. He came to visit me and just wanted to say he was sorry. I told him that no apology was necessary and that I just want him to be happy and that I really like his wife. I just want the people I care about to be happy. So tonight I get to go to this party and feel strange. I think I will go, stay a short time and leave. Then he will analyse that to death in his head. Any suggestions?
directx Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Yeah. Ignore what's going through his head and enjoy yourself. How is that?
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Huh.. Either you can go and enjoy yourself like Direct said or don't go. That's pretty simple. Why are you walking on eggshells? I'd let it go and act like nothing's bothering you.
Author underpants Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 Huh.. Either you can go and enjoy yourself like Direct said or don't go. That's pretty simple. Why are you walking on eggshells? I'd let it go and act like nothing's bothering you. Of course I will go and I will enjoy myself. It will be good because I can visit with his wife and catch up. I also will get to see a very, very long ago ex and that is cool. We are cool with each other and it will be good to see him too. I just know my friend and how he thinks. He is unhappy and of course there is nothing I can do. Just sucks. I guess we shall see what transpires at this event.
directx Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 You can't save the world underpants (only the cheerleader can do that)! You are too caring about others and sometimes you just need to enjoy yourself!
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I just know my friend and how he thinks. He is unhappy and of course there is nothing I can do. Just sucks. Just make sure to stay out of it.
Author underpants Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 Just make sure to stay out of it. Yes, this is where I am. I may seem cold, but staying out of it or changing the subject is what I do now. They are just funny to watch with their jealous thing and even if you are not playing along you can apparently get mixed in. I rarely get together with this group. Last time I went out with them some crazy stuff happened. Me and that long ago ex just sat together and quietly laughed at the ubsurdity of it all. Direct, too funny. How did you know I was a cheerleader?
Zapbasket Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I don't get it. Are you saying his wife is overtly jealous of you? And is she not wanting you to attend this party? What's the source of the potential awkwardness?
Author underpants Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 I don't get it. Are you saying his wife is overtly jealous of you? And is she not wanting you to attend this party? What's the source of the potential awkwardness? She has been a little in the past. I had a long talk with her years ago, before they got married even. I put her mind at ease and promised her that I would never be a threat to their relationship. I have no romantic interest (never have) in my friend. My friend never did either...except for one little moment of confusion (I hope). It is a surprise party for her. So, since I exited the situation last summer I am not all together sure how my presense will be met. I think she likes me, I like her. I don't know maybe they just need that occassional threat by one side or the other to kindle some bizarre thing. Shaking my head. I personally wish they were more happy together. ...you know, whatever. I am just going to go for a small time then get out before any silliness occurs.
Author underpants Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 Why are you going? Because it is a party for her. Because my friend that I have known for over 20 years asked me to attend. Because, I feel like I have to.
IpAncA Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Because it is a party for her. Because my friend that I have known for over 20 years asked me to attend. Because, I feel like I have to. Okay I was just asking.
Zapbasket Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 She has been a little in the past. I had a long talk with her years ago, before they got married even. I put her mind at ease and promised her that I would never be a threat to their relationship. I have no romantic interest (never have) in my friend. My friend never did either...except for one little moment of confusion (I hope). It is a surprise party for her. So, since I exited the situation last summer I am not all together sure how my presense will be met. I think she likes me, I like her. I don't know maybe they just need that occassional threat by one side or the other to kindle some bizarre thing. Shaking my head. I personally wish they were more happy together. ...you know, whatever. I am just going to go for a small time then get out before any silliness occurs. Ah, now I understand. Pretty awkward situation. I was in one that was vaguely similar and I realized ultimately that the only thing to do was check out of the friendship completely. We had no contact for 6 years. But these wives, they have to either assign blame to their husbands' spontaneously thoughts of straying, or to you for somehow *making* them feel that way. It's easier for them to choose the latter. Is your friend's wife generally civil to you? Do you fear that she may demand he put a stop to his friendship with you?
Author underpants Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 Ah, now I understand. Pretty awkward situation. I was in one that was vaguely similar and I realized ultimately that the only thing to do was check out of the friendship completely. We had no contact for 6 years. But these wives, they have to either assign blame to their husbands' spontaneously thoughts of straying, or to you for somehow *making* them feel that way. It's easier for them to choose the latter. Is your friend's wife generally civil to you? Do you fear that she may demand he put a stop to his friendship with you? I think she trust me. She should. Yes, I only hang with them if they are together. I have had wonderful talks with her about various subjects. She is a pretty awesome chick. I don't know what goes on in her mind. She is a bit dramatic though. She gets guys to pay attention to her to get her husband jealous. Works like a charm. Ridiculous.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I think I will go, stay a short time and leave. Then he will analyse that to death in his head. The fact that you are so concerned about his thoughts and feelings (and he yours) makes me wonder if there is more (feelings-wise) between the two of you than just friendship. Deep down inside, underpants, if you were to be honest with yourself (and us ), do you have a crush on him? Some unrequited love? Sounds like a bit of a dance is going on... Mr. Lucky
Author underpants Posted September 1, 2007 Author Posted September 1, 2007 The fact that you are so concerned about his thoughts and feelings (and he yours) makes me wonder if there is more (feelings-wise) between the two of you than just friendship. Deep down inside, underpants, if you were to be honest with yourself (and us ), do you have a crush on him? Some unrequited love? Sounds like a bit of a dance is going on... Mr. Lucky That is crazy talk. No, I do care for him. His well being. I don't think that is a bad thing to do when you have known someone for that long. He is like a brother to me. Of course with knowing someone for so long you see them stumble here and their. Friends pick each other up. Friends also know when to walk away. However, I do fully respect his marriage and so I realize that our friendship has probably run it's course and that is okay too. She should be his best friend and vice versa. I just wish they could find that in each other. They will, I hope. The only dancing going on is in their heads.
Author underpants Posted September 2, 2007 Author Posted September 2, 2007 Okay, So I went. I took her a gift. I stayed for a little while and left. No biggie. It was nice to see them. Also, I left before they started getting too sloshed.
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