Alexandra-Girl Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I was chatting with a girlfriend I haven't seen in a few years about horror story relationships. How she ever got over this one amazes me. I feel sadness for what she endured and thought I would post it. I think everything imaginable that breaks a relationship happened to her in just ONE relationship. Her synopsis: Had a short relationship... there was no black and white, or grey - the whole thing was freakin PURPLE. I don't even know the length, except that it was under a year. I also don't even know who did the break or break(s) - that's how PURPLE it was. Heck I don't even know who I dated and severed ties with (which, I admit, makes me feel a little robbed now). Confused... I was too, so read below to get a little more. She met this bloke at a party - great guy, no joke. Good style, confident, humorous, accomplished, efficient etc. They didn't exchange digits or anything else at that time but knew she liked his personality. She saw him again a month or so later, yup attraction still there but they were heading in different directions - so no follow through with exchanges. She thought why get caught up on a simple first-feeling when leaving?! So, she went away on a prior engagement and he went off to serve his country. They thought they would never meet again because of timing. He returns months and months later, her, not for another year ... he tells her friend at a homecoming party that he has a 'huge' crush on my friend (a year later). This mutual friend passes along the exchange of information (i.e. digits) with her take on things to discuss at the induction conversation (first FATAL FLAW, no initiation on the two parts). They start chatting, calling, etc while she is away. Convo was light, good, and funny. He even recalls the outfit she wore and locations they went to that ONE night they actually met! She said she was amazed at his vivid memory and felt special. All giggles from here on out... NOT. Their mutual friend continues telling him all the things to say that supposedly turns her crank, and likewise to her. (second FATAL FLAW, third party information). Their friend wasn't sending the right information, but what she thought would make the two more compatible. She liked the guy she met, that was who she was interested in - not this manufactured guy - or so she was about to find out. Anyways, they missed all the 'little' get to know you stages because this mutual friend covered all their questions, which the couple should have been asking eachother during the romance phase. He tried to impress her, which in itself was sweet, but considering that the tools he used to impress her were things she does not like, so it didn't go over well. He even went out and bought the cologne she likes - on women, not men because it smells too flowery she said. He wouldn't know that even to this day, because unsolicited information sure sux - especially when it is wrong! To continue her story, it's her first time home in a year and she wants to spend time with everyone. She wants to spend time with him too. She plans to visit him and their mutual friend wants to join since she hasn't seen her either. (third FATAL FLAW, clingy mutual friend). He offers to come up to visit her, but she figures she can loose her friend if she went down. NOTTA!!! So they go visit him, he makes dinner - sweet! He invites a buddy to keep said friend occupied so the two can talk. While there the two are both easy going and just want to get know eachother better, but the mutual friend knows him and his buddy well since they all hang out frequently so she wants to go out and socialize. Now stuck caterring to mutual friend (fourth FATAL FLAW, prioritizing friends feelings over their own). They both think sure, they will have more time to visit eachother alone. She spends a couple days going out with him alone. It was wonderful. They played tourist in new cities, eating cheesecake, and taking in the scenery. She couldn't have liked the man more. So she heads back outta town a month later, back to her prior engagement. They both have lifestyles that require frequent travel and decide an LDR is achievable for a couple months. They are exclusive at this stage. They keep up the calls, emails, etc. Things seem heavingly... NOT! Meanwhile, their relationship progresses nicely and their mutual friend now starts to feel left out of her 'other' two friends relationship. She starts digging like a puppy that has lost it's bone in the back-yard for personal information - AND I mean the utmost personal. The worst part was that the mutual friend didn't ask either one of the two halfs of the couple but other non-mutual friends if they knew anything that was happening between 'her' new couple. Dang clinginess! So, my friend gets back into town and goes to see the beau. The mutual friends catches wind of this and is hurt that my friend spent time with him and not her. Sob fest follows. The mutual friend then has the nerve to ask HER to stop seeing HIM because "relationships break-up and she will loose one or both of her friends, and since she introduced them her feelings she be accounted for" - My friend just about puked right there in the parking lot!!! Now my friend gets the guilt trip to bring her along on her next outting with the beau. He understands the situation because apparently she is doing the same crud to him. Frustrating! Of course, my friend now sees this mutual friend in a new light. She politely tells her that the friendship is over because she can not stand her inappropriate invasiveness any longer. (fifth FATAL FLAW, don't sever ties with mutual friend) OH GEESH... wrong move - especially on someone who sees herself as the most important person in the world. The beau knows that there are severed ties... and the yap-yap that ensues was horrid. Thankfully the beau ignored MOST of it. He remains in the same social circle with the now ex-friend because his buddy is just starting to date another one of ex-friend's friends and wants him to stick around so they can have alone time together - it's a role reversal, this time the beau is the preoccupier. My friend said she didn't mind because ultimately it's his choice, he's a big boy and knew that venom was to follow. So the beau is stuck listening to the mudd slinging from ex-friend against her character. The sobs of how she could be so heartless, so uncaring, so selfish, and on and on. My friend of course, having severed ties, is not concerned with her any longer. Not to mention she is now away from him due to work and removed from the circle (sixth FATAL FLAW, stupidly not realizing that a hurt woman can be relentless to cause further damage). The beau feels the guilt of sticking around for his friend, because he knows that this ex-friend demands attention, but he is also so VERY tired of hearing about how wronged this girl has been. The fact is my friend was departing long ago and this was the final straw to this woman's intolerable behavior. Unfortunately he was innocent bystander and had to bare witness to the final stage. He could have been anyone. So, now it's his turn to leave. This time it's different... the spewing of BS has taken its toll on him. He can't think clearly about who the girl he was seeing really was, versus what this ex-friend told him (sixth FATAL FLAW, assuming that large amounts of reassurance can cure all doubts). My friend could tell he was rethinking the relationship because he was distancing himself in an already LDR. It hurt her, but she did not blame him so she let things go. She continued in her area of work. He came to taking her non-emotional contact as disinterest (couldn't have been more wrong because I was at the receiving end of her gushing about how she met the most amazing man). The contact dwindles and she is still fine with it because she is thinking he needs space to regroup. Heck I would too! She thinks to herself, he will be back when he gets his head in order. He comes back, but he wasn't the same man she was head over heels for (seventh FATAL FLAW, sweeping problems under the rug). He remained silent, distant and uncertain. My friend knew not to pressure him, he would talk when he was good and ready. She did ask a simple question for a point of information, to which the beau got defensive - which the man she adored normally wouldn't do. The rug came out and she had no idea what hit her. He never told her details of what her ex-friend told him, he said he didn't want to believe muddslinging over her but now it ate him up inside. My friend took it personally, which she knows she shouldn't have because he was overloaded with manufactured BS. They had two minor arguements in total over 3 weeks. During both arguements, it was a case of 10/90 (10 related, 90 non related). But the tension was already set in motion. Now there was this inevitable third strike looming over her head and she was inadvertantly told her team will loose. So there it was, a pending unknown expiry date on her relationship with this new man whom she did not know and to be frank, didn't care for much. The both of them were so full of PURPLE that they couldn't tell what the heck was 10 anymore, they couldn't find a way to release the tension and find their way back to the people who they adored so much. They agreed they would slow things down... so they both just stopped talking from that day on to avoid the expiry date. Basically, what this all comes down to is manufacturing. They were robbed of a relationship that had great potential because they never really knew who the other was. In total, she said that she probably met the real him for just 4 days - AND loved every inch of him. The remainder of the relationship was PURPLE as she said. Their realistic perceptions were different then the manufactured perceptions they initiatlly were going on. When they did start to get to know each other, all heck broke lose over their manufactured versions and not the real versions. The manufacturing continued for him, inevitably losing site of the women he adored, while she lost contact with the man she once adored. No breakup, no words, no emails, no communication - just plain silence on both ends due to fear of losing one another. Ironic?! They lost eachother out of fear OF losing eachother. To me, it's sad because unlike a lot of relationships out there they were never given the chance to succeed, fail, or make-up. There are no 'what if's' because there was really only 4 days of reality for the two. I reckon, it's like dreaming of a Hummer for so long and finally having one in your drive, just to find out the wrong set of keys were given to you. You could never get it out of park! I still shake my head and wonder how she seems so calm about it all. I would be bleeding mad!
Recommended Posts