Steaminx Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 So I knew something was up. My girlfriend of a year and a half came by my house today and told me that she had been lying about something since we started dating. Here's the back story: About a month after we started dating I asked her how many guys she had been with. At the time she was 19 and I had just turned 20. I had only been with 3 girls (4 including her, but she hadn't slept with me yet). She told me she had been with 15 guys. She's overweight by about 20lbs and said she had very low self confidence. She confided in guys to get the confidence she never had. During our relationship this caused many fights. Many, many fights. I hated the fact that she had been with so many guys and I happened to be number 16. I'm not saying that I was looking to be her number one, I would just like to be closer than 16. Fast forward to today. She comes by my house and starts explaining how she's been lying the entire time about the number of guys she's been with. Because I've never asked for details (names, locations, etc.) I never got a clear view on who she slept with. I find out that I'm actually number 5. In an attempt to sound "cooler" an "more experienced" she made it seem like she had been with much more guys. I was very excited when she told me, and I was on a high for about 4 hours. And then it hit me, she had been lying to me for over a year. All the times we fought over her past sex-mates were really for nothing. Although this is really great news and I'm really happy about it, how do i forgive her for keeping such a huge secret from me? I'm so freaking happy that she wasn't some loose girl who banged everything that walked, but I still feel hurt that she lied to me. Any advice, guys?
Izzy B Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 You shouldn't discuss past numbers and partners with someone you're seeing. It's none of their business. All you need are to see papers from a recent doctor exam that they are "clean" of STDs. It was very inappropriate of you to ask her the question in the first place. Plus you asked her the question before you were intimate with her, and then you judged her for it, held a grudge, and caused many fights because of this. If you thought it was so disgusting that she had slept with that many guys (even though she did not), then why did you sleep with her, and then proceed to fight with her about the past, which can't be changed? You sound like a woman's nightmare and should be dumped immediately.
Izzy B Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Why are you such a jerk? I'm sorry but the truth hurts. I hope that it will let you look inward at what you've done. I mean, why DID you ask her how many men she slept with, then slept with her if you were so disgusted? Something she said before you were intimate should NOT be something you are using against her throughout the entire relationship.
cheesydippindoodle Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I'm sorry but the truth hurts. I hope that it will let you look inward at what you've done. I mean, why DID you ask her how many men she slept with, then slept with her if you were so disgusted? Something she said before you were intimate should NOT be something you are using against her throughout the entire relationship. I agree being on the receiving end of a similar arguement. So many people fight over this its her past Where you weren't there. learn from this & don't make the same mistake if there is a next time i know if i ever enter into another relationship i won't question my partner about past relationships as hard i as it might be sometimes ignorance is bliss. Forgive & forget i'd say after all it went in your favour!
huh Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 OP, how would you like being judged? What if a more experienced woman judged you negatively for having less experience than her? And criticized your sexual techniques and fought with you over it? How would that make you feel? Or conversely, let's say you dated someone who was a virgin or only had one partner. And she thought you were a man slut for being with 4 woman? And kept obsessing over it, throwing it in your face, fighting with you & judging you for it? Stop obsessing over her past. The only things that matter from the past are health issues & fidelity. If the person doesn't have any STDs from a past encounter & if they didn't cheat, then the past is irrelevant. Leave it be.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I doubt you'll ever know her real 'number'. I think that she is telling you what you want to hear, because she wants to minimize the amount of sh*t you are giving her over it.
whichwayisup Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Her sexual past her HER sexual past and you both should leave it there...This is why talking about previous experiences can upset people! You ask, she asks, deal with the answers... Do you love her NOW and all that she brings into your life in the present tense? IF yes, then don't let this ruin your relationship.
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