broknhearted Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I keep telling myself i'm gonna break it off with MM over and over. i know what i need to do but its so dang hard! i guess if it was the the physical part of the relationship it may not be so hard to end. i just don't know. i'm confused. i don't want to hurt him either, at the same time, i'm hurting cause we can't be together. he has admitted (pretty much) that he has no intention of leaving his wife. i have never outright asked him, do i really even have the right to? he's never complained or said anything remotely bad about her which kinda leaves me wondering. the only thing i've ever gotten out of him is that there's no spice in his marriage anymore. i'm just venting here, any advice would be helpful though, your replies to the posts give me strength. anyway, lol, we only see each other every couple months for a couple days, he travels for his job, so its an easy excuse to get away. he texts me, calls me and e-mails me every day though. his calls lately have been really short, his boss is calling him or whatever, we don't chat the way we used to. he's pushing me to arrange my schedule so he can come and see me for a couple days next month. i used to be excited but i think i'm slowly coming to the realization that nothing will ever come of this A. I guess its my own fault, if i could offer any advice to someone contemplating having an affair with a MM it would be not to, even though u love that person, the heartache sucks!
RealityCheck Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I keep telling myself i'm gonna break it off with MM over and over. i know what i need to do but its so dang hard! i guess if it was the the physical part of the relationship it may not be so hard to end. i just don't know. i'm confused. i don't want to hurt him either, at the same time, i'm hurting cause we can't be together. he has admitted (pretty much) that he has no intention of leaving his wife. i have never outright asked him, do i really even have the right to? he's never complained or said anything remotely bad about her which kinda leaves me wondering. the only thing i've ever gotten out of him is that there's no spice in his marriage anymore. i'm just venting here, any advice would be helpful though, your replies to the posts give me strength. anyway, lol, we only see each other every couple months for a couple days, he travels for his job, so its an easy excuse to get away. he texts me, calls me and e-mails me every day though. his calls lately have been really short, his boss is calling him or whatever, we don't chat the way we used to. he's pushing me to arrange my schedule so he can come and see me for a couple days next month. i used to be excited but i think i'm slowly coming to the realization that nothing will ever come of this A. I guess its my own fault, if i could offer any advice to someone contemplating having an affair with a MM it would be not to, even though u love that person, the heartache sucks! This is not good. There is no spice in his marriage? So what are you the basil? Seriously if there is no spice in his marriage, perhaps it is HE who has drained the auroma, not you! I realize you emotions are in a tangled mess! Ask yourself, how were your emotions prior to meeting the MM? I bet a hell of alot more balanced then now! You are "worried" about hurting him? Are you kidding me! Ask yourself who's hurt? I can bet my last dollar that if you let go, he would carry on with his selfish unfulfilled spice in his pants! Let the root rot! Be smart! Act smart! Give him what he has coming! NOTHING!
whichwayisup Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 . the only thing i've ever gotten out of him is that there's no spice in his marriage anymore. So, do you want to be his OW for sex? Because if you stay with him, that's what you provide him. He has told you he has NO intention of leaving his wife. What's in it for you? Seriously, think about it! What good does this MM actually bring to your life? For the few stolen moments you're with him - IS the rest of the crap, the bad stuff and have gone through worth it? And, if he was a single guy treating you like this, WOULD YOU put up with that crappy behaviour and treatment from him????? WHY is it that a MM can treat his OW like a piece of meat, call and she comes running on HIS terms, yet I'm sure MOST OW if in a relationship with a single man would CUT his nuts off and tell him to shove it up his ass! WHY are you allowing yourself to be treated this way? ALL because he provides you with hot sex and some good intense feelings? Please, respect yourself and get out of the affair. See, you say HE is pushing YOU to arrange YOUR schedule to fit HIS. Bet he wouldn't do that for you....Is it worth it? ON his terms, his spare time, when he can fit you in? HOW the heck is that a happy and healthy relationship? You're settling for less and you deserve more so tell him goodbye and go NC. IF He asks why it's over, tell him you don't want to be second fiddle anymore, and you need more, he can't give that to you.
Lyssa Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 When men say there is no spice in marriage that usually means no sex. So if you're willing to be just that for him, go ahead but I can assure you're not going to have a lot of fun and in the end, you'll end up with a broken heart and he doesn't give two hoots about it!
lonelybird Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Hi, obviously you have a clear head over your shoulder Do you know that we can control our emotions? many women think we cannot, and so become a slave of their emotions, and suffer because of that. In fact, we can control our emotions, it is like training muscles, the more you train your emotion, the more you have more power over emotions, the more you gain strong self-control. or if I feel weak, I ask Lord to strengthen me and give me enough courage to do so. First you know that he doesn't value you as he value his wife, you cannot allow anyone treat you like you are second citizen. if you stay in this affair, your self-esteen will get hurt. There are many fears in you that make you think that bad things will happen after break up with him. BUT fear is a liar, and truth is that breakup with him will serve you good, will help you find your true mate sooner And most importantly man cannot fill void in our heart, only God can.
Author broknhearted Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 i know i need to just end it. and all of you are sooooo right. he's going to spain with his family, so for at least two weeks there will be NC. i just need to learn to be strong and continue the NC. i hope i can do this. how is it they have this power over you? i know its cause i've let him. i just hope this time i can go through with it.
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Tell him not to call you when he comes back - That the A is over and to respect YOUR wishes. You don't wanna be the OW anymore so he needs to leave you alone. You need to take the power and control back and stop letting him reel you in. I know that's easier said than done, but if you put your mind to it, you can do it! Put yourself first and do the absolute best you can to avoid him, don't answer his calls, block his emails.
Herzen Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Breaking up is hard to do--especially for the single OW. The MM goes back to the old reliables: wife and kids. He can throw himself into coaching soccer, taking in a dinner and movie with the wife and otherwise being a pillar in the community. The OW lacks much of a safety net. Often, abandoned/fed-up Other Women come here for support. The OW gets a public message board; the MM feels the warm embraces of his wife and kids. Who has the better deal? Ironically, it's the lack of safety net along with the bonding hormones that make ending an affair so difficult for the OW. The MM often is the only game in town for her. Your affair will end. Whether it ends now or later is your choice. When it does end, your MM, after a decent interval, will start trolling for a new OW. As for you, well, you'll have the memories.
justice Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Why not use the time he's gone, wisely? Use it as a time of NC and a time of you breaking it off? If he is never going to leave the w then why stay and put yourself through all of this for a few stolen moments? Work on gaining strength while he's gone, then walk away when he comes back. It sounds to me as if he is already starting to cut the threads anyway.
Author broknhearted Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 yeah... i'm going to use the time away to focus on the things in my life i have neglected because of him. i think if i keep myself busy it will be easier to keep him from creeping back in my mind. i know it won't be easy and there will be times i want to break down and call him, email or text him. I wish i could have kept myself from getting emotionally attached to him. i think too that he may be trying to cut the strings already so to speak. he doesn't call or email me as much as he used to, i guess maybe the timing is right, right now. he used to call me several times a day, now i'm lucky if its once a day, he used to email me every nite when he was home, now, once a week and thats only if i email him first. he did this a while back and got a little irritated with me, saying he calls me more than his wife or parents, just that he's busy. maybe its true, maybe not. all i asked him if it was the begining of the end, then i got this lecture on "how could i think that", blah blah.... after that, he went back to calling me a couple times a day again, that lasted about 2 weeks, i'm thinking he thought that i was getting ready to break it off (cause i was about to at the time, this was about 2 months ago). i just don't know anymore, lol. i know i'll be a lot better off emotionally. stupid as this will sound, i will still miss him, its just not healthy for me to continue this R. i'm really happy i found this board, its awesome being able to get opinions and advice from you all.
CAT100 Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 How long have you been with him? It sounds to me like he just wants passion & fun, as hes not getting it from his wife. But is that all you want?? If you are falling for him you will get hurt. Being the OW is ok if its on your terms & you dont want more, and you are not emotionally involved. However you sound like you are not happy so I would agree with others & say finish it before you get too hurt Also, if you think he's 'cooling it' dump him before he dumps you! That way you come away feeling a whole lot better than if he'd done the dumping I know its hard, believe me, but in your situation when he said pretty much he wont leave, and you are not happy with that then you need to get out (((((hugs))))
Author broknhearted Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 How long have you been with him? a little over a year. long enough to know what he wants out of this A. or at the very least, l just feel (finally) that i've been strung along for too long now. i need to get out before i do get hurt even worse. i don't want to be someone who's been strung along for many years, i want more of a commitment and i know i'm not gonna get it from him. even if i did. would i be able to trust him? afterall, he's travels alot for the company, every week. i know it would creep into my mind every time he left for a business trip.
whichwayisup Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 i think too that he may be trying to cut the strings already so to speak. he doesn't call or email me as much as he used to, i guess maybe the timing is right, right now. he used to call me several times a day, now i'm lucky if its once a day, he used to email me every nite when he was home, now, once a week and thats only if i email him first. Remember, actions speak louder than words and if you feel that he has been distancing himself from you, then honestly, that's a good thing...It'll be easier for you to avoid him and those times he DOES try to contact you, (when he has the time to, or wants an ego feed) don't reply back. Or if you do, that is when you tell him you don't want him to email you anymore and to leave you alone. a little over a year. long enough to know what he wants out of this A. Then stop putting in any effort. Let him be and concentrate on you, your friends and family.
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