Kamille Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Last winter I had a one night stand with an acquaintance. I didn't think much about it because one, I was too busy at work and two, I hardly think one night stands are worth spending much time thinking about. Lately I've been running into him here and there and things have been light and flirtatious between us. He told me he would like to offer me breakfast anytime I like and I replied that right then and there I was more in the mood for dinner. My way of telling him I wasn't into a FWB arrangement. The thing is, I wasn't giving him much thought up until yesterday. I ran into him at a work function and we ended up talking for something like half an hour- to the point where today a lot of people were making comments about 'our conversation'. He really turns me on intellectually. But despite the dinner line, he hasn't asked me out and I'm just wondering if I am right in assessing that a one night stand totally disqualifies me as dating potential for this guy.
birdie Posted September 3, 2007 Posted September 3, 2007 possibly. when you have a one night stand with someone and you start seeing each other, even if you are taking it slowly you are still jumping into a relationship. it is quite scary because you are involved from day one. it's not really the same as just slowly dating someone. you are intimate straight away.
Author Kamille Posted September 3, 2007 Author Posted September 3, 2007 My attraction to this man is so bad right now that I'm even considering taking him up on his FWB offer. But NOOOOO that is not what I want. Right? I think I'm just going to bring up the idea of dinner again next time I see him. Kind of a : so, when are you taking me out to dinner? That is, I'll do this after finding out whether or not he is still single. What do you guys think?
nicki Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I'll bet he's single if he's asking you out to breakfast (unless he means to have a bit of socializing before work.) Kinda doubt that, though. Don't you think he meant, "Let's spend the night together like we did before and then go out for breakfast the next morning?" You threw out the baited line with the whole dinner suggestion, which was a GREAT way to do it....subtle, yet it shows you are responsive to spending time with him (and when you want to do that.) If he doesn't take the bait, then dial down your flirting with him. Walk by him in a breezy, friendly way, but don't stop and talk to him. Do that a few times, and he might even stop you by asking you out. But, if he is looking for another one night stand, then he won't want to go out to dinner with you anyway. He won't ask you out no matter what. You'll save yourself a lot of time figuring things out if you understand this. A one night stand is not what you want, so if he doesn't ask you out, move on and don't think about him anymore....he's not worthy of you. BUT, whatever you do, don't chase this guy! And don't sleep with him, unless you just want another one night stand. And you really don't want to get a bad rep at work for that sort of thing....(of course, always deny such things anyway!
birdie Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Listen to Nicki, whatever you end up doing, don't just sleep with him again. it's cool if you can have a date with him and then see how it goes, if you can't then you'll have to walk away. you can't afford to get more involved with him at this stage and sleeping with him would definitely do that.
uniqueone Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 Last winter I had a one night stand with an acquaintance. I didn't think much about it because one, I was too busy at work and two, I hardly think one night stands are worth spending much time thinking about. Lately I've been running into him here and there and things have been light and flirtatious between us. He told me he would like to offer me breakfast anytime I like and I replied that right then and there I was more in the mood for dinner. My way of telling him I wasn't into a FWB arrangement. The thing is, I wasn't giving him much thought up until yesterday. I ran into him at a work function and we ended up talking for something like half an hour- to the point where today a lot of people were making comments about 'our conversation'. He really turns me on intellectually. But despite the dinner line, he hasn't asked me out and I'm just wondering if I am right in assessing that a one night stand totally disqualifies me as dating potential for this guy. He just wants some fun. You mentioned dinner and he didn't take you up on it. You shouldn't be thinking of it in terms of how YOU'RE viewed because you slept with him. You should be thinking of it in terms of how he's a cad for viewing you this way. Don't....like a lot of us women do....place the blame on yourself. You're blaming yourself that because you slept with him, you're at fault for how he now sees you. It doesn't say anything about you (because remember...HE had sex too)....it does say something about him though if it's causing him to treat you differently. On the other hand, he might just not want a relationship and never did. And I don't think you'll be happy with less. You sound too much like me where you get too attracted to someone that you start compromising who you really are just to be with them. I know the feeling. Being without them is painful...but being with them and compromising yourself is painful too. The only thing possible is to have a friendship with the person like you're having now. If you become his FWB, you might feel great while you're with him, but you'll sink to the lowest of lows when he leaves and you don't know when you'll see him again or who he's going to be with the next day. Don't do it.
Author Kamille Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 If he doesn't take the bait, then dial down your flirting with him. Walk by him in a breezy, friendly way, but don't stop and talk to him. Do that a few times, and he might even stop you by asking you out. I told him the dinner line maybe 3-4 run-ins ago. When he didn't follow up the bait with an invitation to dinner, I excused myself and walked away. Later that night, he came to sit next to me (which he always does), but I was busy talking to someone else so he ended up talking to a friend of mine. I also felt, leaving that evening, that he was hoping I would just go home with him (he watched me leave). Since then I have been very breezy and friendly, not stopping to talk to him, but he would come talk to me. I was always very casual - since up until last Thursday's talk I didn't really care one way or another what happened with this guy. I do feel like we would have a good time together - uh I mean with our clothes on , but was thinking that it was up to him to get around to asking me out. Last Thursday, the work function was kind of an open house event he attended with one of his buddies (we don't work for the same company). Anyways, I was talking to his buddy and, as usual, he pulled up and joined the conversation. We ended up having that long interesting conversation where, at one point, we were the only two left in a corner talking with animation. These conversations are what turn me on about him... He's funny, intelligent and also very sarcastic. But for some reason, I always seem to be able to have the upper hand. But, if he is looking for another one night stand, then he won't want to go out to dinner with you anyway. He won't ask you out no matter what. You'll save yourself a lot of time figuring things out if you understand this. Very true, very wise advice. I guess I'll just keep appreciating the run ins. On the other hand, he might just not want a relationship and never did. And I don't think you'll be happy with less. (...) The only thing possible is to have a friendship with the person like you're having now. If you become his FWB, you might feel great while you're with him, but you'll sink to the lowest of lows when he leaves and you don't know when you'll see him again or who he's going to be with the next day. Don't do it. Thanks Uniqueone. I WON'T DO IT. Plus in a way I am kind of curious to see how far he can take this thing. I think I can safely assess that he likes talking to me. He always seeks me out. But the fact is that he hasn't asked me out, probably because he is somewhat of a cad. Or just not looking for anything serious right now. And you really don't want to get a bad rep at work for that sort of thing....(of course, always deny such things anyway! One night stand, what one night stand?
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